We Interrupt Our Regularly Scheduled Program to Bring You ... Good Writing

There's nothing worse than an outdated blog, and mine has been growing stale for so long now, it might as well be covered in mold. While I'd like to tell you I've been busy traveling the world or doing something equally as exotic, the truth is ... well ... OK, I'll just say it: General Hospital has kinda sucked lately. And while I'm a long-time, loyal viewer who sticks by the show through good times and bad, the past several weeks have left me completely unentertained and uninspired. One week, I barely even watched any of the episodes, something that usually only happens if I'm away on vacation. But with so much good TV available to me on my overpriced cable package, I couldn't see carving out time to watch most of General Hospital fly by my screen on fast-forward.

There have been some glimmers of hope. I am a die-hard Sonny and Brenda fan from back in the 1990s, and while I have been mostly disappointed with how the writers have handled Brenda's return thus far, I absolutely loved S&B's scenes this past week in their old apartment. I've also enjoyed Lucky and Siobhan's scenes lately (is it just me, or does Lucky look sexier ever since he started gettin' some?) and I like watching Liz get her panties in a twist over it. And even though I thought it was absurd that Sam shipped Michael off to a hotel room with a woman who was willing to take money in exchange for having sex with a tortured 18-year-old virgin, I like the dynamic between Michael and Abby so far.

Sadly though, the General Hospital episodes that I've enjoyed the most in the past few months are the ones that have been repeats, from the Brenda-focused ones that replayed leading up to her return to this past Friday's Jason Morgan marathon on SoapNet. Yes, I'm sure some of the enjoyment of those episodes is the nostalgia factor--remembering when I first watched those stories play out, seeing characters that are no longer on the show, and seeing how those who still are on the show have changed over the years (skinny Jason! Luke with hair! when Nikolas was hot!)

New Poll! What Would You Like to See Permanently Banned From General Hospital?

I've posted a new poll here at the Nurses Station (in the upper right-hand corner of the site)--What would you like to see permanently banned from General Hospital?--and I thought I'd break down the choices for you in case you're having trouble deciding. Also, feel free to expand on your choice, or suggest a choice I may have overlooked, in the comments section.

Suzanne's Cleavage
When Brenda's assistant Suzanne arrived on General Hospital, well, she came baring gifts (see what I did there?). Now, wherever she goes--Rome, Port Charles--it's a sure bet that her overexposed cleavage will be leading the way. Suzanne is an attractive woman, but she's doing herself a disservice with this far-from-flattering look day in and day out. It also doesn't help that she appears to have gotten a really bad sunburn on her chest and forgotten to moisturize afterwards--the words wrinkled, discolored and blotchy come to mind. Plus, if her tops' necklines get any lower, GH is going to have to move over to cable.

Here's hoping those brusk upstate New York winters encourage Suzanne to invest in some turtlenecks and scarves.

Welcome to Bittertown. Population: Claire

Boy, did I pick the wrong day to set time aside for a GH recap. Even with two major characters returning to the Chuckles, there was very little in the way of action--unless you consider Max and Milo groping each other on Jason's couch as "action." (More on that later.)

Oh Claire, bitter does not look good on you, girl. Dumped by Sonny faster than you can say "what woman in Port Charles hasn't he taken to the island," she's channeling her hurt feelings back into that whole "I'm going to put Sonny away for life" nonsense. Yawn. Because that worked out so well the first time you tried it. And we all know, Claire, that you're just a homemade pasta dinner and a silk robe away from crying "conflict of interest" to your superiors again. But after finding Michael in Sonny's office, she threatens to report the parole violation and send Michael back to Pentonville. Ah yes, the infamous Judge Carroll and his terms of parole still loom large.

Like Giving Candy to a Baby: Thoughts on Hooker-gate

After watching both Monday's and Tuesday's episodes of General Hospital last night, and following related conversations on Twitter, I had to include my two cents on the Michael-hooker story line. I'm not going to comment on the morality of prostitution—that's for you to decide—but I would like to comment on the quality of the storytelling.

Michael has been dealing with episodes of severe trauma since birth. In the last couple years alone, he has been shot in the head; miraculously woken up from a coma, but with serious brain damage; subsequently dealt with issues of rage that has resulted in verbal and physical violence; killed his stepmother; and been sent to prison. And yes, the prison rape that has not been formally mentioned, but that Jason seems well aware of. If anyone on God's green earth needs a therapist, is it not Michael? On a show that rushes women into Shadybrook on the reg, why has this child not even sat down with a counselor?

Even more perplexing, his loved ones lined up in court to plead with Judge Carroll to sentence Michael to "counseling and community service" instead of prison. When he was released from prison, he was given the community service as well as the added bonus of having to live with Dante and never seeing his father, Sonny. Um, where's the counseling, people?

I always joke that GH viewing requires one to check their grasp of reality at the door, but this "Michael wants a hooker" story line that is now playing out confounds me in all sorts of ways. First, after all the shouting of "He needs counseling, not prison!" why doesn't counseling now even cross Jason or Sam's minds? Sam did say that Michael's "not ready" to talk to a counselor ... yet he's ready for a paid sexual experience? I just don't understand how in a matter of two episodes, this poor, disturbed kid has been rushed into a hotel room by two influential adults in his life with an obviously much older stranger named Candy (er, Abigail) who has accepted money to have sex with him.

If counseling is somehow not in the realm of possibility, why didn't Sam or Jason suggest that perhaps Michael is not ready to be involved with girls on any level at this point in his life until he gets some kind of hold on his demons? I love Michael, and I sympathize with him--and I like this blonde friend of Kristina's that he's becoming involved with (I forget her name, so I'll call her Party Girl ... because "Party Girl Who Has a Friend Who DJs" was too long)--but it disturbs me that he's verbally attacked Party Girl at least twice now and yet they're still pursuing each other. I can't help but think that poor Party Girl shouldn't put up with a guy speaking to/yelling at her that way, regardless of his tragic back story. Oh, and when I last left Michael at the end of Tuesday's episode, he was physically attacking Candy-Abby. Attacking women is not the way one works through their issues, GH.

Also nonsensical ... Everyone is soooo worried that the least little thing will get Michael shipped back off to Pentonville. The last I checked, prostitution is illegal, and Port Charles is not Vegas or Amsterdam. So why didn't anyone mention to Michael that if he got caught paying for sex, he surely would get shipped back to Pentonville faster than Sonny dumped Claire Walsh? That seems to be a major flaw in the storytelling. God forbid you have a conversation with your father or you'll get sent back to prison, yet please feel free to engage in a blatantly illegal act.

So on today's GH ... Michael does an internship at a meth lab! I kid, but really ... would it make any less sense than what's been playing out these last two days?

What do you think? 

STONE!!!

Kleenex, my fellow GHers. Lots and lots of Kleenex. That's how I got through today's Robin and Stone scenes. It was all kinds of emotional and heart wrenching and nostalgic. And sweet bajeezus, if Michael Sutton doesn't look even hotter than he did in the 90s.

Let's just take a moment to bask in the Stone-ness of it all, shall we?


Content Stone





Playful Stone



Attentive Stone

I particularly loved when he told Robin at the end, "That's why I'm here. Because I'm part of you."

One for the (Stone) Ages

Stone 2010

 STONE!! He was only on for a minute or two at the end of today's episode, but I'm still freaking out like Brooklynn on a private jet to France. Honestly, I don't know if I can compose myself long enough to say anything other than ... STONE!!! I loved this character beyond words and even if he's only a vision at the bottom of a well, I am so flippin' happy he's back on GH. By the way, I barely recognized Stone 2010 without the long hair and denim vest ...

Stone 1993

While Robin is entertaining one very hot figment of her imagination down in that well, the rest of Port Charles is in a mad scramble to find her. Since when are Steve and Patrick experts in criminal psychology? Because they've taken it upon themselves to devise a little scheme to wear Lisa down enough that she'll spill where Robin is. It's a bit of a good cop-bad cop routine where Steve acts concerned for Robin and Patrick acts like she must have just taken off like she did when she had post-partum depression. Hmm. More like Keystone Cops.

Random Thoughts on the Past Few Weeks of General Hospital

So I haven't written a General Hospital recap in about two or three weeks now. Blame it on an especially hectic work schedule and the worst allergies I've had in years. By the time I get home, I have just enough energy to lay on the couch and catch up on that day's GH. Basically, The Nurses Station needs a nurse! Or something stronger than this pricey box of Claritan.

But even through the haze of this sinus headache and congestion, I've managed to put together some thoughts on the latest goings-on on my favorite soap. And since I miss my blog, and especially my blog friends, I thought I'd share them with you:

The Balkan Has Landed

"A crime boss is after me? Is he hot?"

Ah, GH, when in doubt, create another crime boss, huh? In addition to criminals attempting to shoot at her and slash her face, now Brenda has a notorious, never-before-seen crime lord named "The Balkan" who is bent on killing her. At least that's what Agent Bates from Interpol stopped by to tell her today. No one's quite sure why this mysterious figure would target Brenda, but Agent Bates leaves her with an ominous warning nonetheless: "The Balkan is not to be trifled with." Oh, and the eagle flies at midnight ... geez, Bates, could you tone down the theatrics? If you're really that worried, how about getting a couple guards over there, or putting a deadbolt on that terrace door? Anyways, not that I don't have the utmost faith in the GH writers .... bwahhahahahaha (sorry, tried to get that out without laughing) ... but something tells me that this storyline could go horribly wrong. I mean, remember dreadfully boring ol' Karpov from a couple years back? I barely do either, thank goodness.

Brenda appears unfazed by the news of The Balkan bounty on her head, and refuses to leave Rome, but once left alone, she quickly turns to General Hospital's version of Google for more info on the mystery crime lord. Hey, maybe she can teach Sonny how to use the Internet once they finally reunite.

"Oh sure, I Finder-Spyder my ex all the time."

Lisa Takes 'The Crazy Show' on the Road

"Will I still have time to catch the Nascar race?"

The Nurses Station took a mini-vacation last week (Sonny's island, of course ... where else?) but now I'm back in The Chuckles and ready to blog again. So what about that Lisa, huh? Desperate to paint Robin as the vengeful scorned wife, girlfriend goes and throws herself in front of Robin's car. Ouch. I've read a bunch of comments recently about how unrealistic this storyline is, but it kind of reminds me of that very real story that was in the news a few years back about the astronaut love triangle--the one in which the female astronaut drove hundreds of miles to confront "the other woman" while wearing an adult diaper so she didn't have to stop for bathroom breaks. Smart, professional woman loses it over love ... sound familiar? You know Lisa would break out the Depends in a heart beat if it helped to further her cause.

Perhaps scarier than even Lisa was Angry Uncle Mac when he found out that Patrick had cheated on Robin. Did you catch that look he shot Patrick?! I swore he was going to turn green and burst out of his clothes.

"I haven't had sex in 15 years. You bet I'm angry!"

While Emma Is Found, All Common Sense Is Lost

"No, I'm not attempting to breastfeed. I just figured showing three quarters of my boob might take some of the sting out of me kidnapping your daughter."

Just when you think Lisa's ramped up the crazy as far as it can go, she pulls yet another about-to-be-boiled rabbit out of her hat. As we learned on Friday, Patrick and Robin come home to find that Lisa stopped by to pick up Emma for ice cream ... and well, the nanny let her. While I'm glad poor, tired, overworked Mercedes is no longer caring for every child in Port Charles under the age of 18, I can't help but think this would have never happened on her watch.

You're no Mercedes, sweetheart. Oh, and you're fired.

Almost as unsettling as Lisa taking Patrick and Robin's child--and the nanny letting her--was the emergency response that followed. Patrick and Robin waste precious time arguing over whether to call the cops or search for Emma themselves. Um, your cell phone ... it's portable. So you can do both. And why wouldn't you call the cops immediately if a woman has taken your child without your permission? Especially a woman who you have recently had issues with?

My Open Letter to ABC: Why? Why Did You Let Ethan and Maya Murder Song and Dance?

Dear PTB (Powers That Be) at ABC,
I have been a faithful viewer of General Hospital and other select programming on your station for many years. As a loyal viewer, I have grown accustomed to what I thought was now a standard in television entertainment--the disclaimer at the beginning of a show that it may contain material that some would deem objectionable, offensive or otherwise difficult to watch.

You can imagine my surprise, then, when I sat down to watch today's episode of General Hospital, and without the benefit of such a cautionary disclaimer, was horrified by the sight of this on my television screen:

Desperation Leads Brook and Lisa to Play With Pills

If there was a lesson in today's General Hospital, it's that desperate women and pharmaceuticals just don't mix. Brook, on the verge of a one-way ticket back to Bensonhurst and thisclose to cashing in big courtesy of Carly, continues to pump Dante with beer laced with pills as a sure way to get him into bed. Honestly, I was really uncomfortable watching this whole thing unfold, and if Coleman hadn't shown up when he did, I think I would have fast-forwarded through much of it. (I'm sorry, I simply cannot fast-forward through Coleman, no matter what kind of crazy is going on around him).

Welcome Hoe, Stone Cold!

Oh Spinelli, what has become of you? I really use to love this crazy kid, but the writers have made him very "one note" as of late. When he was still with Maxie, it was all about his inferiority complex. And now that Spixie are no more, it's all about his borderline creepy Stone Cold adoration. Take today for example--the squealing, the giggling, the jumping up and down when he received the news of Stone Cold's "loop hole departure" from Pentonville. Yes, I get that these two are BFFs, but what use to be a very endearing friendship that I very much enjoyed is now just odd and uncomfortable to watch. I joked on Twitter earlier that we may soon see Spinelli cutting up Jason and Sam's photos a la Lisa ... but it wouldn't be much of a stretch if it actually happened. I mean, did I mention the squealing ...

And the jumping ...

General Hospital Travels Back to the Present, Brings Brenda Along

Just in case you happened to miss a promo or ten on ABC, it was finally "B Day" on General Hospital today ... that's right, the big return of Brenda Barrett! As these much-hyped returns usually go, I didn't expect to see much of her today, figuring we'd catch a glimpse of her at the very end. And aside from various shots of the back of her head throughout the episode, that's exactly what we got.

Lucky Packs Up Aiden, Census Worker Costume and Heads for Home

After all these years of watching General Hospital, I should know by now just to abandon all logic before I sit down to watch an episode. But damn it if it doesn't make my head hurt each and every time I insist on trying to make a storyline mesh with reality. So let me get this straight: Lucky finds Karen and the missing baby Aiden across the country in Oregon. He calls no one--no back-up, no nothing. He goes somewhere to change into a census worker costume he just happens to have on hand (I know I always pack a suit, dark-rimmed glasses and a clipboard  when I go on a stake-out) just so he can get a better read on the situation. When that doesn't work and Karen throws him out, he goes back to the house, now dressed as Lucky The Cop, with a story about how the baby is really his and it was kidnapped and wrongly given to Karen by her son, Franco, aka Bobby.

Mayor Floyd Officially Declares It 'Crazy-Ass Monday' in Port Charles

So much for General Hospital easing us back into the week. Mayor Floyd must have officially declared it Crazy Ass Monday over in Port Chuck today, because we got insanity on all kinds of levels. I don't know what was crazier: Franco thinking that an appropriate way to "give back" to his mother was in the form of a stolen newborn, or his mother for actually getting on board with the whole thing! By the end of the episode, she had named him Pablo (a big improvement over Buzz ... just sayin') and was envisioning their new life in Oregon. Yes, Oregon. Apparently, the West Coast agreed with Franco and he's relocating his mother and little Pablo there.

The Best Part of Waking Up Is Tasting Patrick on His Coffee Cup

Neither of the YouTube channels I use to watch General Hospital were updated today, so unfortunately, no screen shots from the episode (and boy, do I love my screen shots). But I do have a few thoughts on the episode to share, sans the visuals ...

First, thank goodness today was a little more exciting than yesterday. And trust me, compared to the sleep-inducing hour that was yesterday's episode, watching Mike flip pancakes at Kelly's would have been more exciting. But who needs Mike and pancakes when you have Lisa acting about eight shades of crazy? I have to say, the wackier she gets, the more entertained I become. And suddenly Googling men I'm interested in doesn't seem quite so stalkerish when you compare it to molesting someone's coffee cup. I mean, really ... "I can taste you on this cup"?! Hey Shadybrook ... "Incoming!" Dr. Lisa Niles is coming at you like a torpedo! Start changing the linens and getting a room ready.

Post-Francofrenia: Today's General Hospital Brought to You by Ambien

I know we've had a lot of excitement in Port Charles lately--deadly performance art, a raging Warren Bauer, a stolen baby, a drag queen-rendition of "Mad World"--the list is endless. So we probably all need a little downtime in The Chuckles, right? But today's episode was so "down," it probably should have been sponsored by Ambien, because it nearly put me to sleep. And that was even with the supply closet sex!

Twitter Poll Results: Which General Hospital Character You (and Nancy Lee Grahn!) Want to Date

Earlier this month, I wrote a Guest Column for EyeonSoaps.net about the overabundance of single men in Port Charles these days. It just didn't seem right to me that men like Ethan Lovett, Lucky Spencer, Steve Webber, Matt Hunter and even Sonny Corinthos were wandering around our favorite fictional town without female companionship.

While I didn't want to just rehash what I said on EyeonSoaps.net here on my blog, I did want to find a way to celebrate on The Nurses Station the beautiful men of Port Charles who we're privileged to spend an hour with each weekday. I had written a previous blog post entitled "I Want to Go to a Concert in the Park With Lucky," and it got me thinking: Which General Hospital character would all of you want to go on a date with, and where would you go? So I took to Twitter to conduct my first informal General Hospital poll.

Lockdown!

In the wake of the disappearance of Baby Aiden Cassadine--or Buzz, as Liz would like him to be called--General Hospital is put on emergency lockdown. No one can enter or exit the building, and everyone must clear the hallways. And surprise, surprise, the cop assigned to the case is none other than Lucky--also known by the nursing staff as that guy who was peering through the blinds into the delivery room during Buzzby's birth.

The Buzz About Aiden Alexisomething Cassadine

So are they really going to call this kid Buzz? Because for the record, I'm not on board with that. Regardless, much to my boredom, little Buzzby dominated today's episode as we led up to his much anticipated, well, buzz-napping. (OK, I'll stop now. Or, at least, I'll try.)

I Want to Go to a Concert in the Park With Lucky

If you're a regular reader of my blog, you already know that I adore Jonathan Jackson's Lucky. And after what the poor man endured at the hands of his fiance and brother, I want nothing more than the handsome cop to find himself a good woman. Right now, it seems as if both Claire and Maxie have captured Officer Hottie's attention. I know I just said in yesterday's recap how much I enjoyed Lucky and Claire's scenes together at the PCPD, but today's scenes with Lucky and Maxie gave those some serious competition.

The Love Doctor Is in at Casa de Stone Cold

Our favorite furloughed prisoner, Jason Morgan, was in high demand on today's General Hospital. Essentially in exchange for letting a wanted serial killer drop off some Chinese food and casually stroll out the door, Sam got a night of some hot lovin' with Pentonville's finest. Hmm, I wonder what's hotter ... "conjugal visit" sex or "I let a serial killer go just to be with you" sex. I'm assuming the latter since the reunited couple even had to banish roomie Spinelli out of the penthouse for the night.

GH American Idol: Route 66 Is All About Song Selection, While Brook Is Pitchy (and Punchy) Dawg

I didn't watch yesterday's episode because I had to travel to New York City for work (just like Maxie, I attended the trendiest parties in high-fashion couture designed by Feddie ... not), so I may have missed a detail or two leading up to today's antics. And boy, were there antics. Jakes, Coleman and karaoke are like my GH trifecta, but why was this stranger in a fedora singing "Route 66"? Ah, just like Lulu piecing the whole complicated mystery together ("wait, so the mansion is on Road 66 and he sent Maxie 66 flowers ...") I knew my man Franco must be behind this little piece of performance art.

Mac Is Tan, Patrick Is Guilty, and Franco Continues to Monkey With Port Charles

It seemed like a rather dull day in The Chuckles, even though Franco and his army of toy monkeys did their best to spice things up. In the park, he kneeled beside Josslyn and taunted Jax for what seemed like a good five minutes before it dawned on Jax that a call to 911 might be appropriate when you're witnessing a psychopath stroking your baby daughter's forehead. Jax informs the operator that he's in the park with "Franco, the serial killer," to which the artist responds, "If you're going to throw around labels, I'm going to take my monkey and go," and disappears into the bushes. By the time Dante and Ronnie Domestico show up on the scene, Franco is long gone. But not to worry, dear citizens of Port Charles. Mac's going to get one of them there hel-ee-copters to look for Franco, "an eye in the sky," as Ronnie calls it. Gee, you think? Because you only have a wanted serial killer strolling around all over town in broad daylight. Maybe time to call in some reinforcements to back up lone officer Dante and an unarmed Jason.

Franco Gets His Kicks on Country Road 66

Franco moved into some new digs on Friday's episode of General Hospital, which we later found out is the old Lockland Mansion on Country Road 66--apparently a lucky number of sorts for the artist (he also gave Maxie 66 red roses). After clearing away some dead leaves and debris, Franco quickly set out to make the place his own with some high-end interior decorating, spray-painting his signature "CO77X" on the wall and propping up his assistant Leonardo (yes, he named the toy monkey and gave him a position in the Franco administration) on the mantle.

Did Today Mark the End of Spixie and Jolivia?

So much to talk about in Port Charles today. For starters, Maxie found herself kissing almost everyone except for poor non-husband Spinelli. I use to love this couple back in the day, but I'm thinking it's time to put a fork in them ... they're done. After spying Matt kissing Maxie on her couch, Spinelli quietly limped away, clearly a man defeated and no longer with an ounce of passion for anything that doesn't start with "Stone" and end in "Cold." As far as Matt's concerned, I'm not quite sure why he continues to be used by Maxie, when she's stated in very clear terms that that's exactly what she's doing in order to make the man she truly loves jealous, but obviously he sees something real beneath the surface of her scheming. But again, is Matt really going to fulfill Maxie's "bad boy" needs?

Franco May Be a Killer, But Bobby Frank Is Downright Dreamy

Hello my fellow GH fans! Tonight I'm catching up on yesterday's and today's episodes and will be back to my usual episode recap tomorrow. In the meantime, I leave you all with this:

Yours Truly Is on EyeonSoaps.net

Recently, I submitted a General Hospital Guest Column to one of my favorite soaps sites, EyeonSoaps.net, and today it was posted on the site! I'm very excited to have my thoughts posted along with so much other great commentary on ABC soaps.

My column, titled "Is Port Charles the New Alaska?", talks about how so many gorgeous, colorful male characters are languishing by their lonesome in our favorite fictional town. Click here to read the column--I would love to hear your thoughts on it!

While Fireworks May Have Exploded in Your Town, Bombs Exploded in Port Charles

While the rest of us were thinking about time off from work, BBQs with family and friends, and other 4th of July festivities, the residents of Port Charles had much more explosive issues on their minds than breaking out their lawn chairs for the local fireworks display. Kristina set out to put her mother of all daddy issues revenge plot into motion, arriving at Johnny's penthouse while the mob prince and Olivia were mid-Merlot.

The Countdown to Car Bomb Friday Is On

Today's episode laid a lot of groundwork for what is sure to be one heck of a "Cliffhanger Friday" tomorrow before the long holiday weekend--what with cars about to blow up and serial killer Franco lurking through the streets of Port Charles. Sonny gathered together Milo and Max at the restaurant to put the final touches on the Johnny car bomb plan. I love how Sonny emphasized to Milo and Max to make sure nothing can be traced back to him. The entire town knows Sonny wants Johnny dead more than anything. Even if police can't trace physical evidence back to Sonny, well, his emotionally scarred 17-year-old daughter who hates him is going to know, his estranged son who hates him is going to know, the mother of said estranged son who Sonny's been trying to woo back since she arrived in Port Charles is going to know ... and the list goes on. Sonny makes less sense than even the Port Charles legal system and medical system combined. Really Sonny, you don't need a crystal ball or a psychic to predict that the only thing blowing up worse than Johnny's car is this plan, right in your face.

Goodbye Luke, Hello Franco

Ah, the return of Franco. I've been looking forward to it for weeks now, although it didn't seem to have quite the same build-up as it did the last time around. Maybe it was just because "Mad World" didn't play on a continuous loop for weeks leading up to today. We actually saw a lot more of Franco on his first day back than I thought we would. In fact, he opened the show, in his now-standard homeless guy disguise. Since Franco is a man of only a few disguises, it might be wise at this point for the Port Charles PD to issue a statement to the town's residents: "If you see a hot, young homeless guy, he's most likely this world-famous artist/serial killer we've been searching for."

It's Bensonhurst Vs. Bensonhurst as Olivia and Connie Throw Down

It's been an extra busy week at work, and I missed yesterday's episode of General Hospital. So while I had read about Patrick and Lisa kissing a couple weeks ago, I missed everything yesterday that lead up to it actually happening. I wasn't happy at all about this development. While I'll be the first to admit that I'm simply not a Robin fan (never have been), there are aspects of Robin and Patrick's relationship that I appreciate. I think it's a very real-to-life relationship, relatively speaking, as far as soap couples go (not like some where, say, each party is on their 11th marriage), so it makes it even harder to see one cheat on the other. Also, I never really saw the character of Lisa as anything more than a ploy to cause conflict in Robin and Patrick's marriage after they resolved Robin's postpartum depression and the couple was seemingly beginning to live happily ever after. I never felt any kind of real chemistry between Patrick and Lisa; it all just seemed forced upon us by the writers.

Recap of Last Night's Daytime Emmys: Old Guys, Orange Skin and A Few Awards Thrown In

I wasn't planning to do a recap of last night's Daytime Emmy Awards, but after sitting through the two-hour show, well, I have some thoughts I'd like to share. Since this post wasn't pre-medidated, I didn't take any notes while watching the show, and I apologize for not having any screen shots, but here are some random observations:

• At least half of the fun of awards shows is the red carpet, yet instead of CBS airing this one, I instead had to watch Tony Hawk pretend to be a cashier. Of course, I give credit to Soap Opera Network for attempting to stream the red carpet online, but for anyone who tried to actually watch it, it was fraught with technical difficulties--to the point where I found it unwatchable. I don't know what most of the stars looked like last night and sadly the few that I do know what they looked like includes Ron Moss and that funky scarf.
• Did they call David Copperfield up five minutes before the show started to see if he could kick things off? What was with the casual, untucked look? I'm sorry to break it to you Daytime Emmys, but I've read the book, and I'm pretty sure that means he's just not that into you. Way to start the show.
• I thought it was cool that David Letterman appeared to do a Top 10 on the show ... but why a Top 10 about Regis? Why not about the soaps? Like," Top 10 Reasons You Know Your Soap Character's Not Really Dead. No. 10: You blow up in car." I realize Regis is a part of daytime too, but he was already getting plenty of exposure as host.
• I wasn't exactly paying the closest of attention (thank you, Twitter, for the distraction) but I'm pretty sure an odd parade of older men started to come out at this point. I do remember Don Rickles appearing at one point and thinking, "What in the world does he have to do with daytime?" I'm sure they explained it, but I was too bored to care.
• It's near impossible to say anything bad about Dick Clark, and I was completely choked up when he started crying at the end of the American Bandstand Tribute ... but did we really need that long of an American Bandstand Tribute? Especially when other tributes, namely the one to As The World Turns, were so stinkin' short?
• One highlight of the Bandstand tribute was when all the stars started doing the twist at their seats along with Chubby Checker up on stage--I may or may not have twisted just a little in my living room. But what in the world was Chubby wearing? Maroon pants and a red blouse (yes, I said blouse) with some odd gray jacket over the whole mess? Much like everyone knows not to wear white after Labor Day, can we please make a similar fashion rule about wearing maroon and red together? Please. I implore you. Do it for Chubby.
• Yeah, they were in Vegas. I got it. Did not need the Lion King performance, or the human crab walking over to hand Wayne Brady an envelope to reinforce that concept. If you want to give me Vegas, give me a slot machine and a martini. Otherwise, don't bother.
• Speaking of Vegas, are there no good tanning salons there? Why was everyone orange? Like, really orange?
• As I tweeted last night, The Blue Man Group ranks just beneath clowns and The Burger King on my list of things that seriously freak me the flip out. I have a restraining order out against any man in blue makeup, and they broke it by appearing on my TV set last night.
• Maybe if they cut down on the aforementioned Bandstand tribute, Lion King performance, Blue Man Group appearance, etc., they would have had more time for the actual awards. I was sorely disappointed that they skipped the clip reels while presenting the acting awards and that the show reels for Best Drama Series weren't longer. Not only is this a time to spotlight the nominees, but very few people watch every single soap, and the reels give the audience a taste of their favorites' competition.
• What happened to Cheech and Chong? Did I spend the whole night wondering what the heck could Cheech and Chong possibly be doing there (as promised in the opening credits) and somehow miss them on the show?

As for who won the actual awards, I only watch General Hospital these days, so I can't really say who was deserving and who might have gotten robbed. I know I was thrilled when Julie Berman and GH's directing team won, and flat-out miserable whenever GH or one of its actors lost.

So what am I forgetting, folks? Because I'm sure I'm forgetting something. What were your overall thoughts on the show? I saw a stat today on Twitter that the ratings for last night were up more than 80 percent over last year's broadcast on The CW, which is great to hear for daytime. But I watched more out of obligation than enjoyment, and frankly, daytime fans--and stars--deserve better.

How Do You Solve a Problem Like Kristina?

Friday's episode started off right where Thursday's left off--with Sam in a tub full of bubbles trying to coax her man into some hanky panky telephone-style, even suggesting that she'd like to see him "all oiled up." But when she got to the part about her and Jason taking a Mediterranean cruise, I started to imagine Stone Cold in the buffet line or on the shuffle board court, and that kept me way more entertained than the couple's phone call. I did think it was sweet, though, when Sam said, "You can't stop me from my big dreams," and Jason replied, "I would never try." Ahhh. Under that extremely chiseled exterior, he really is just a big softie.

He just moved in, but something tells me that Johnny Z. is going to have to replace the carpeting in his penthouse doorway very soon given the amount of visitors that come in and out in a single episode. First through the door today was Kristina. After telling Jason just yesterday that the "Johnny Kristina Port Charles" revenge plot against Sonny "works for me," the Mob Prince suddenly changed his tune, telling Kristina that their pretend relationship has to end. In the meantime, Sonny gathered together Max and Milo to order a hit on Johnny. Hmm, I'm sure that brilliant plan will go off without a hitch. And good thing Sonny's flying so far under the radar on this one that no one would ever suspect that he would want Johnny dead.

While Johnny tried to figure out how you solve a problem like Kristina, there was an impromptu Bensonhurst reunion on the docks as Brook Lynn ran into Olivia gazing up at Johnny's penthouse. Olivia proceeded to give Brook a crash course in Zacchara history, and when she mentioned Johnny's past attempt to go legit, I had a flashback to that one winter where the poor guy was selling Christmas trees in an attempt to distance himself from his insane mob family. Legit Johnny was bittersweet ... he was adorable for trying, but you knew it would never last. Back to JOlivia, this couple never fails to strike an emotional cord with me. I'll admit to getting a little misty when Olivia told Brook Lynn, "That man is directly responsible for some of the happiest moments of my life." Aww. Of course, I think wine and handcuffs played a major role in a lot of those moments, but I don't judge.

Quite honestly, I actually thought something happened to my recording of this episode, and that it cut out part of the episode. Because one minute, Olivia was wistfully telling Brook that her and Johnny are over. And then the next minute, she's running into Johnny's place to make another happy moment. Huh? But oh, what the hell, I'd throw logic out the window too if this was waiting for me on the other side of that penthouse door:

Only one problem: Johnny was so caught off guard by Olivia's unexpected visit that he forgot to tie the sock around the doorknob to alert all potential visitors that he was getting busy inside ... and Kristina walks in on the couple right in the middle of some couch lovin' and Olivia telling Johnny that she was doing what no 17-year-old could possibly do. Amen to that, sister. BTW, does being a pretend girlfriend give you the privilege not to knock? Sheesh.

Elsewhere in The Chuckles: Kristina wasn't the only Corinthos kid to walk in on some spontaneous nookie today, as poor Michael interrupted Lante getting ready to make sweet love in the middle of his new home. Later, Michael shared some bonding time with new neighbor Brook Lynn, who offered ... what else? ... to cook for him sometime. And Carly and Jax shared a tender moment over a mutual agreement that Sonny should be out of their lives. And all I kept thinking was, "Hee hee, just wait til Brender shows back up in August and throws you two for one major-ass loop!"

Phone Sex Fails to Heat Up Stone Cold

So I just watched Thursday's episode of General Hospital tonight. Since I'm a day behind, my original plan was to do one post on both yesterday's and today's episodes ... but well, there's simply way to much going on in The Chuckles to just gloss over things like phone sex attempts and Mercedes contemplating a leave of absence as caretaker for all of Port Charles' children under 12. BTW, with all the children she's cared for, how has Mercedes never factored into a "cheating with the nanny" storyline? That seems like prime soap opera material, after all. At the very least, in a town where the single men obviously outnumber the single women, Mercedes could be well utilized as a potential love interest for, say, a Matt Hunter, or Milo, or even that Conan guy who waiters at Sonny's pretend restaurant.

Speaking of men outnumbering the women, how in the world did boring ol' Maya command the attention of all three Spencer men at one time? As I've said before, I really want to like her, but GH is doing everything it can to make sure that never happens. I did laugh though when Ethan asked her out for drinks and she replied, "We'll see how my day goes." Translation: "I'm not going anywhere in public with a man with that hideous half bun on the back of his head." Oh honey, you should have been here earlier when the eggs were served.

Back in Pentonville, Jason takes a break from all his many visitors--no, not to bang out license plates, but to make a personal phone call. Ah, the life of a prisoner. A very bubbly Sam (see what I did there?) answers the phone and, while perhaps well-intentioned, attempts to have phone sex with the most non-talkative, unemotional man on the planet. Save it for the conjugal visit room, Sam. God love him, but your man's a do-er, not a talker.

Luckily for Jason and Sam, GH has decided to twist the law into a pretzel once again and give Jason a free pass out of Pentonville. In order to lure out Franco, who's mailing out so many pics of dead bodies he's running out of postage stamps, Jason will be released from the big house and placed in the custody of ... who else? ... Dante Falconeri, patron saint of criminals and otherwise wayward souls. There's one catch, though: If Jason runs while on this special prison furlough, it's Dante who gets shipped to Pentonville to hang out in the visitation room all day and occasionally make dirty phone calls. Now, if I were Jason, and seeing as how he kinda sorta hates Dante for being a traitor to the organization and getting Michael sent to prison, I might just grab Sam out of the bubble bath and head for The Island, just to see the Falc-ster get thrown behind bars. But I have a sneaking suspicion Franco will take precedence over any Dante revenge schemes.

Speaking of Franco, he returns to Port Chuck in just a few days. Are you guys excited to have him back?

General Hospital Violence Continues: Ethan Murders Plate of Eggs

As a woman with a forum to publicly express her views on the Internet by way of this blog, I find it necessary to interrupt our regularly scheduled programming from time to time to issue a public service, if I feel the message is of the utmost importance and will have an overwhelmingly positive impact on society as a whole. Today, my friends, is one of those rare times. Man or woman, I vehemently urge you to heed the advice I am about to impart. In the simplest of terms: Never, ever, under even the most extreme of circumstances, style your hair like this:

Now that that business has been taken care of, we can move on to all the many things that I love about the Spencer men. As I mentioned yesterday, I'm a huge fan of Jonathan Jackson's Lucky, and I've particularly enjoyed his interactions with Tony Geary since he's returned to the role. I'm happy, too, that Lucky and Luke are now in a place where their relationship is about more than just animosity and disapproval. I'm looking forward to seeing how this whole "Odd Couple" scenario plays out with Luke crashing at Lucky's apartment. I, for one, was amused from the moment Luke woke up drunk on Lucky's couch.

I didn't want to be too hard on Ethan after calling him out on the whole hair thing, but it's impossible to talk about today's episode without mentioning, well, The Eggs. I mean, home boy went Rambo on that plate of eggs. The man steals for a living. If he was that hungry, couldn't he have swiped a scone off of the Quartermaine credenza and ate it on the way over?

Elsewhere in the Chuckles, Doc Niles has decided that playing both sides of the fence is much more fun than playing just one. After Patrick tries to show up to work after yesterday's suspension, and Steve promptly escorts him back out, Lisa runs to Patrick to tell him that Steve is taking this whole fist to the face thing "a little too far" and she's totally on Patrick's side. Our perky orthopedist even goes so far as to promise Patrick that she'll talk to The Man She's Sleeping With on Patrick's behalf. Meanwhile, Lisa, don't you know that the first rule of Fight Club is that you don't talk about Fight Club? But once back at GH, Lisa snuggles up to Chief Stevie and tells him that Patrick crossed the line by hitting him and he deserves the suspension. Ooh, I didn't know she was that devious.

By the way, I know I'm splitting hairs when it comes to GH actually mirroring reality, but don't you think suspension would be the least of it if you punched your boss in the face in the middle of the workplace? And then called him an idiot? Even if your official title is Best Neurosurgeon in the World.

Port Charles' Not So Young and Restless Throw a Pity Party at Jake's

If there's one thing you should know about me, it's that I sure do love me some Coleman. The man just makes me smile. So whenever my favorite bartender and his dive bar, Jake's, get some screen time, I'm usually a happy girl. After all, Jake's is for all that's fun and carefree in the usual somber, macabre Port Charles--girls' nights out and tequila shooters, karaoke and non-wedding receptions, not to mention getting loaded and taking someone you have no business being with in the first place to the infamous "room upstairs." Just like the Docks are for overhearing other peoples' conversations and occasionally pushing someone into the water, Jake's is for letting your hair down and having a good time.

So who moved the old man pity party into our favorite watering hole today? Oh yes, that would Patrick, fresh off of punching Steve in the face and receiving a suspension from his position as Best Neurosurgeon in the World. He's soon joined by Luke, and the two try to reconcile their lives as former playboys who have now found themselves settled down as one-woman men.

After all that's been made about Patrick's wild bachelor days, that he would be struggling to adjust to the major changes in his life seems authentic to me. I'd even buy the ex-girlfriend jealousy thing ... but I just don't see any spark at all between Patrick and Lisa, even a "hey we use to do it a lot" spark. The whole Lisa thing seemed forced from day one just to cause some friction between Patrick and Robin. BTW, gotta love Lisa telling Patrick that, yes, her and Steve are "sleeping together" ... way to stay classy, Doc Niles. I might have gone with the more discreet "we're dating," or "we're enjoying each other's denim."

Anyway boys, next time you want to commiserate over how wild and fun you use to be, take it over to the Haunted Star. They need the patrons over there anyway. Leave Jake's for when you're in the mood for a round of sex on the beach shots and singing "Sweet Caroline" from the nearest table top.

Oh, and one other thing you should know about me: I adore Jonathan Jackson and "his" Lucky. So I've been particularly interested to see who he's going to be paired with next, romantically-speaking--Claire, Maxie, Maya, Alfred's daughter who has just moved to Windamere from Seattle (and that last one's just off the top of my head, GH writers; my resume is available upon request should you need further assistance). Personally, I've loved the few Lucky and Claire scenes we've had (Clucky!), although I like his chemistry with Maxie too. Today we got to see Lucky in the middle of a Claire-Maxie sandwich down at the precinct. So what do you think? Who does Lucky have the greatest chemistry with? Who do you want to see him coupled up with?


One last thing: Maxie's pink crutches. Fabulous.