We Interrupt Our Regularly Scheduled Program to Bring You ... Good Writing

There's nothing worse than an outdated blog, and mine has been growing stale for so long now, it might as well be covered in mold. While I'd like to tell you I've been busy traveling the world or doing something equally as exotic, the truth is ... well ... OK, I'll just say it: General Hospital has kinda sucked lately. And while I'm a long-time, loyal viewer who sticks by the show through good times and bad, the past several weeks have left me completely unentertained and uninspired. One week, I barely even watched any of the episodes, something that usually only happens if I'm away on vacation. But with so much good TV available to me on my overpriced cable package, I couldn't see carving out time to watch most of General Hospital fly by my screen on fast-forward.

There have been some glimmers of hope. I am a die-hard Sonny and Brenda fan from back in the 1990s, and while I have been mostly disappointed with how the writers have handled Brenda's return thus far, I absolutely loved S&B's scenes this past week in their old apartment. I've also enjoyed Lucky and Siobhan's scenes lately (is it just me, or does Lucky look sexier ever since he started gettin' some?) and I like watching Liz get her panties in a twist over it. And even though I thought it was absurd that Sam shipped Michael off to a hotel room with a woman who was willing to take money in exchange for having sex with a tortured 18-year-old virgin, I like the dynamic between Michael and Abby so far.

Sadly though, the General Hospital episodes that I've enjoyed the most in the past few months are the ones that have been repeats, from the Brenda-focused ones that replayed leading up to her return to this past Friday's Jason Morgan marathon on SoapNet. Yes, I'm sure some of the enjoyment of those episodes is the nostalgia factor--remembering when I first watched those stories play out, seeing characters that are no longer on the show, and seeing how those who still are on the show have changed over the years (skinny Jason! Luke with hair! when Nikolas was hot!)

One for the (Stone) Ages

Stone 2010

 STONE!! He was only on for a minute or two at the end of today's episode, but I'm still freaking out like Brooklynn on a private jet to France. Honestly, I don't know if I can compose myself long enough to say anything other than ... STONE!!! I loved this character beyond words and even if he's only a vision at the bottom of a well, I am so flippin' happy he's back on GH. By the way, I barely recognized Stone 2010 without the long hair and denim vest ...

Stone 1993

While Robin is entertaining one very hot figment of her imagination down in that well, the rest of Port Charles is in a mad scramble to find her. Since when are Steve and Patrick experts in criminal psychology? Because they've taken it upon themselves to devise a little scheme to wear Lisa down enough that she'll spill where Robin is. It's a bit of a good cop-bad cop routine where Steve acts concerned for Robin and Patrick acts like she must have just taken off like she did when she had post-partum depression. Hmm. More like Keystone Cops.

The Balkan Has Landed

"A crime boss is after me? Is he hot?"

Ah, GH, when in doubt, create another crime boss, huh? In addition to criminals attempting to shoot at her and slash her face, now Brenda has a notorious, never-before-seen crime lord named "The Balkan" who is bent on killing her. At least that's what Agent Bates from Interpol stopped by to tell her today. No one's quite sure why this mysterious figure would target Brenda, but Agent Bates leaves her with an ominous warning nonetheless: "The Balkan is not to be trifled with." Oh, and the eagle flies at midnight ... geez, Bates, could you tone down the theatrics? If you're really that worried, how about getting a couple guards over there, or putting a deadbolt on that terrace door? Anyways, not that I don't have the utmost faith in the GH writers .... bwahhahahahaha (sorry, tried to get that out without laughing) ... but something tells me that this storyline could go horribly wrong. I mean, remember dreadfully boring ol' Karpov from a couple years back? I barely do either, thank goodness.

Brenda appears unfazed by the news of The Balkan bounty on her head, and refuses to leave Rome, but once left alone, she quickly turns to General Hospital's version of Google for more info on the mystery crime lord. Hey, maybe she can teach Sonny how to use the Internet once they finally reunite.

"Oh sure, I Finder-Spyder my ex all the time."

Lisa Takes 'The Crazy Show' on the Road

"Will I still have time to catch the Nascar race?"

The Nurses Station took a mini-vacation last week (Sonny's island, of course ... where else?) but now I'm back in The Chuckles and ready to blog again. So what about that Lisa, huh? Desperate to paint Robin as the vengeful scorned wife, girlfriend goes and throws herself in front of Robin's car. Ouch. I've read a bunch of comments recently about how unrealistic this storyline is, but it kind of reminds me of that very real story that was in the news a few years back about the astronaut love triangle--the one in which the female astronaut drove hundreds of miles to confront "the other woman" while wearing an adult diaper so she didn't have to stop for bathroom breaks. Smart, professional woman loses it over love ... sound familiar? You know Lisa would break out the Depends in a heart beat if it helped to further her cause.

Perhaps scarier than even Lisa was Angry Uncle Mac when he found out that Patrick had cheated on Robin. Did you catch that look he shot Patrick?! I swore he was going to turn green and burst out of his clothes.

"I haven't had sex in 15 years. You bet I'm angry!"

While Emma Is Found, All Common Sense Is Lost

"No, I'm not attempting to breastfeed. I just figured showing three quarters of my boob might take some of the sting out of me kidnapping your daughter."

Just when you think Lisa's ramped up the crazy as far as it can go, she pulls yet another about-to-be-boiled rabbit out of her hat. As we learned on Friday, Patrick and Robin come home to find that Lisa stopped by to pick up Emma for ice cream ... and well, the nanny let her. While I'm glad poor, tired, overworked Mercedes is no longer caring for every child in Port Charles under the age of 18, I can't help but think this would have never happened on her watch.

You're no Mercedes, sweetheart. Oh, and you're fired.

Almost as unsettling as Lisa taking Patrick and Robin's child--and the nanny letting her--was the emergency response that followed. Patrick and Robin waste precious time arguing over whether to call the cops or search for Emma themselves. Um, your cell phone ... it's portable. So you can do both. And why wouldn't you call the cops immediately if a woman has taken your child without your permission? Especially a woman who you have recently had issues with?

Mayor Floyd Officially Declares It 'Crazy-Ass Monday' in Port Charles

So much for General Hospital easing us back into the week. Mayor Floyd must have officially declared it Crazy Ass Monday over in Port Chuck today, because we got insanity on all kinds of levels. I don't know what was crazier: Franco thinking that an appropriate way to "give back" to his mother was in the form of a stolen newborn, or his mother for actually getting on board with the whole thing! By the end of the episode, she had named him Pablo (a big improvement over Buzz ... just sayin') and was envisioning their new life in Oregon. Yes, Oregon. Apparently, the West Coast agreed with Franco and he's relocating his mother and little Pablo there.

The Best Part of Waking Up Is Tasting Patrick on His Coffee Cup

Neither of the YouTube channels I use to watch General Hospital were updated today, so unfortunately, no screen shots from the episode (and boy, do I love my screen shots). But I do have a few thoughts on the episode to share, sans the visuals ...

First, thank goodness today was a little more exciting than yesterday. And trust me, compared to the sleep-inducing hour that was yesterday's episode, watching Mike flip pancakes at Kelly's would have been more exciting. But who needs Mike and pancakes when you have Lisa acting about eight shades of crazy? I have to say, the wackier she gets, the more entertained I become. And suddenly Googling men I'm interested in doesn't seem quite so stalkerish when you compare it to molesting someone's coffee cup. I mean, really ... "I can taste you on this cup"?! Hey Shadybrook ... "Incoming!" Dr. Lisa Niles is coming at you like a torpedo! Start changing the linens and getting a room ready.

Post-Francofrenia: Today's General Hospital Brought to You by Ambien

I know we've had a lot of excitement in Port Charles lately--deadly performance art, a raging Warren Bauer, a stolen baby, a drag queen-rendition of "Mad World"--the list is endless. So we probably all need a little downtime in The Chuckles, right? But today's episode was so "down," it probably should have been sponsored by Ambien, because it nearly put me to sleep. And that was even with the supply closet sex!

Lockdown!

In the wake of the disappearance of Baby Aiden Cassadine--or Buzz, as Liz would like him to be called--General Hospital is put on emergency lockdown. No one can enter or exit the building, and everyone must clear the hallways. And surprise, surprise, the cop assigned to the case is none other than Lucky--also known by the nursing staff as that guy who was peering through the blinds into the delivery room during Buzzby's birth.

I Want to Go to a Concert in the Park With Lucky

If you're a regular reader of my blog, you already know that I adore Jonathan Jackson's Lucky. And after what the poor man endured at the hands of his fiance and brother, I want nothing more than the handsome cop to find himself a good woman. Right now, it seems as if both Claire and Maxie have captured Officer Hottie's attention. I know I just said in yesterday's recap how much I enjoyed Lucky and Claire's scenes together at the PCPD, but today's scenes with Lucky and Maxie gave those some serious competition.

Did Today Mark the End of Spixie and Jolivia?

So much to talk about in Port Charles today. For starters, Maxie found herself kissing almost everyone except for poor non-husband Spinelli. I use to love this couple back in the day, but I'm thinking it's time to put a fork in them ... they're done. After spying Matt kissing Maxie on her couch, Spinelli quietly limped away, clearly a man defeated and no longer with an ounce of passion for anything that doesn't start with "Stone" and end in "Cold." As far as Matt's concerned, I'm not quite sure why he continues to be used by Maxie, when she's stated in very clear terms that that's exactly what she's doing in order to make the man she truly loves jealous, but obviously he sees something real beneath the surface of her scheming. But again, is Matt really going to fulfill Maxie's "bad boy" needs?

While Fireworks May Have Exploded in Your Town, Bombs Exploded in Port Charles

While the rest of us were thinking about time off from work, BBQs with family and friends, and other 4th of July festivities, the residents of Port Charles had much more explosive issues on their minds than breaking out their lawn chairs for the local fireworks display. Kristina set out to put her mother of all daddy issues revenge plot into motion, arriving at Johnny's penthouse while the mob prince and Olivia were mid-Merlot.

The Countdown to Car Bomb Friday Is On

Today's episode laid a lot of groundwork for what is sure to be one heck of a "Cliffhanger Friday" tomorrow before the long holiday weekend--what with cars about to blow up and serial killer Franco lurking through the streets of Port Charles. Sonny gathered together Milo and Max at the restaurant to put the final touches on the Johnny car bomb plan. I love how Sonny emphasized to Milo and Max to make sure nothing can be traced back to him. The entire town knows Sonny wants Johnny dead more than anything. Even if police can't trace physical evidence back to Sonny, well, his emotionally scarred 17-year-old daughter who hates him is going to know, his estranged son who hates him is going to know, the mother of said estranged son who Sonny's been trying to woo back since she arrived in Port Charles is going to know ... and the list goes on. Sonny makes less sense than even the Port Charles legal system and medical system combined. Really Sonny, you don't need a crystal ball or a psychic to predict that the only thing blowing up worse than Johnny's car is this plan, right in your face.