The Balkan Has Landed

"A crime boss is after me? Is he hot?"

Ah, GH, when in doubt, create another crime boss, huh? In addition to criminals attempting to shoot at her and slash her face, now Brenda has a notorious, never-before-seen crime lord named "The Balkan" who is bent on killing her. At least that's what Agent Bates from Interpol stopped by to tell her today. No one's quite sure why this mysterious figure would target Brenda, but Agent Bates leaves her with an ominous warning nonetheless: "The Balkan is not to be trifled with." Oh, and the eagle flies at midnight ... geez, Bates, could you tone down the theatrics? If you're really that worried, how about getting a couple guards over there, or putting a deadbolt on that terrace door? Anyways, not that I don't have the utmost faith in the GH writers .... bwahhahahahaha (sorry, tried to get that out without laughing) ... but something tells me that this storyline could go horribly wrong. I mean, remember dreadfully boring ol' Karpov from a couple years back? I barely do either, thank goodness.

Brenda appears unfazed by the news of The Balkan bounty on her head, and refuses to leave Rome, but once left alone, she quickly turns to General Hospital's version of Google for more info on the mystery crime lord. Hey, maybe she can teach Sonny how to use the Internet once they finally reunite.

"Oh sure, I Finder-Spyder my ex all the time."

Speaking of Sonny, Claire manages to rush him right into a late-night bail hearing in hopes of getting him into the slammer ASAP. It's so rushed that Judge Carroll's in the middle of a wild strip bingo game, and they have to call in Judge Hamaad to fill in for him. It's not looking so good that Judge Hamaad will grant the perpetually charged Sonny bail--that is, until Officer Falconeri takes the stand in his father's defense. See, Dante is certain that Sonny would never skip bail and leave his kids, he tells the court. And damned if it doesn't work. For a few million dollars, our lovable mobster is once again a free man.

"Weaker ... without my huge badge necklace ... I'm getting weeeaaakkkeeerr ...."

No sooner than you can say, "Dante got played," Sonny is on the next plane out of Port Charles. Destination: Brenda. The thing that really disturbed me about this whole storyline today? Why did Sonny take the Yankees tickets with him? Couldn't he have slipped those in the envelope to Carly to give to Morgan? Poor kid's been talking about that Yankees game since Joe DiMaggio was in uniform. And why only three tickets? Did Dante get kicked out of the Corinthos Boys Baseball Club?

Once Brenda shows you how to use the Internet, please put those up on Stub Hub so they don't go to waste.

I was also a bit confused by my now-favorite Scrubs-Lisa storyline today. Mac makes a point of saying that there's no proof that Lisa trashed Robin's photos, stole her HIV meds or took Emma without permission--even though Lisa herself has admitted to taking Emma without permission--let alone threw herself in front of Robin's car. Yet Robin is the only suspect in the trashing of Lisa's locker, even though there's not a shred of evidence to tie her to it?

And what about fair-weather Matt Hunter? Lisa calls Matt into her hospital room to try to convince him that Robin is the crazy one, not her ... and Matt believes her--you know, the woman he barely knows who slept with his married brother--over his sister-in-law. And then he promptly finds Patrick and confronts him with his new theory. The whole thing--Matt quickly siding with Lisa over Robin--makes so little sense that I fear this might be one of GH's famous ploys to fabricate friction between Matt and Maxie. By the way, where is our favorite fashion editor these days? Robin and Lulu sure could use the back-up.

"I'll believe anything you say. I'm just happy to actually be on screen for once."

So yes, Lulu's going through some drama back at Dante's apartment, but honestly, her, Carly and Brook Lynn in a room together just made my head hurt. As I predicted, after Brook pulled the plug on Carly's scheme, Carly spun it in a way that made her look more caring cousin than vengeful bitch. See, she knows what it's like to be with a man who has the Corinthos genes scorching through his loins, and she wanted to save Lulu from the same heartache she experienced with Dante's father. Lulu actually seems to buy it, even though Brook tried her best to set the record straight. Yeah, sorry Brook, prostitution and attempted rape tend to tarnish one's credibility. You can probably still scam the pretzel vendor though back in Bensonhurst.

"You will not sing "These Boots Are Made For Walking" at the next karaoke night. That's MY song!"

So Balkan or bust? Are you intrigued, or rolling your eyes at the TV set?