Welcome to Bittertown. Population: Claire

Boy, did I pick the wrong day to set time aside for a GH recap. Even with two major characters returning to the Chuckles, there was very little in the way of action--unless you consider Max and Milo groping each other on Jason's couch as "action." (More on that later.)

Oh Claire, bitter does not look good on you, girl. Dumped by Sonny faster than you can say "what woman in Port Charles hasn't he taken to the island," she's channeling her hurt feelings back into that whole "I'm going to put Sonny away for life" nonsense. Yawn. Because that worked out so well the first time you tried it. And we all know, Claire, that you're just a homemade pasta dinner and a silk robe away from crying "conflict of interest" to your superiors again. But after finding Michael in Sonny's office, she threatens to report the parole violation and send Michael back to Pentonville. Ah yes, the infamous Judge Carroll and his terms of parole still loom large.



Of course, as Jason points out, no one wants to see Michael sent back to prison. But later, Ronnie Domestico encourages Claire to use the threat of sending Michael back to prison as leverage to get Jason to turn on Sonny and give up evidence. Even worse, Claire has apparently torn a page out of Suzanne's cleavage handbook and decided the best way to sell the girls is to put them out in the store window.

Last seen in Ireland, the land of a thousand fake brogues, Luke Spencer is now back in Port Charles, picking up right where he left off months ago--hungover and bickering with Tracy. She even clunks him over the head with a liquor bottle, like she's re-christening an old ship that has pulled back into the harbor.

Later, after the Bickersons have departed, two thugs who look like they were pulled off the set of Miami Vice circa 1988 show up to the Haunted Star looking for Luke, and question Ethan about why his dear daddy was in Ireland visiting Ronan O'Reilly. When Ethan can't provide the answers they're looking for, they give him a good, old-fashion beatdown. Really guys, must you rough up our best mate when he's actually having a good hair day? Savages.

Also returning to the Chuckles today were Liz and the boys, including baby Aiden (everyone appears to have given up on the "Buzz" nickname). Liz returns to Windamere to learn of Nikolas and Brook's (I like Brikolas myself) new-found "friendship." She also learns that Nikolas is moving on, as he tells her that he's realized that "unfortunately things will never work out for us as a couple." No more sex in the turret room for you, missy.

Liz then returns to GH just as the dust is settling in the wake of the whole Lisa-Robin-Patrick scandal. Epiphany has even "ripped Patrick a new one," to quote the eloquent Maya Ward. But the tenth floor nurses station just isn't the same without Lisa and her crazy eyes and her crazy hairdos and her crazy hijinx. We love you, Epiphany, but you'll need to at least destroy a locker or two if you want more airtime.

Finally, back at Casa de Stone Cold, men and women are losing their shiznit while Brenda practices yoga upstairs. Milo, who has been inspired by The Divine One to learn about fashion, declares Max "a winter" and criticizes his choice of tie. Diane wants to know all about a vintage gown Brenda recently wore. And Spinelli is trying to keep everyone in line as the lovely Ms. Barrett attempts to achieve inner balance and peace. It eventually breaks out into the aforementioned fight between Max and Milo, and I'm pretty certain Spinelli's head gets dangerously close to Milo's ass.

Later, Maxie shows up in a short skirt and high heels to stage a Spinelli "intervention." She handcuffs the Jackal and attempts to take her with him, but he refuses to budge.

I thought this might turn into a cute Spixie moment but it all goes horribly wrong as Spinelli points out that Maxie shouldn't be so concerned with Brenda hurting him after she herself ran over him like roadkill, and Maxie insults the Jackal by saying that Brenda would never like someone like him. Ouch. He looks like he'd rather have Milo's ass teetering over his head again rather than exchange another word with his ex-non-wife.

So yeah, as I said, a rather dull day in the Chuckles. What storylines are you particularly interested in right now?