While Emma Is Found, All Common Sense Is Lost

"No, I'm not attempting to breastfeed. I just figured showing three quarters of my boob might take some of the sting out of me kidnapping your daughter."

Just when you think Lisa's ramped up the crazy as far as it can go, she pulls yet another about-to-be-boiled rabbit out of her hat. As we learned on Friday, Patrick and Robin come home to find that Lisa stopped by to pick up Emma for ice cream ... and well, the nanny let her. While I'm glad poor, tired, overworked Mercedes is no longer caring for every child in Port Charles under the age of 18, I can't help but think this would have never happened on her watch.

You're no Mercedes, sweetheart. Oh, and you're fired.

Almost as unsettling as Lisa taking Patrick and Robin's child--and the nanny letting her--was the emergency response that followed. Patrick and Robin waste precious time arguing over whether to call the cops or search for Emma themselves. Um, your cell phone ... it's portable. So you can do both. And why wouldn't you call the cops immediately if a woman has taken your child without your permission? Especially a woman who you have recently had issues with?


Even worse was Dr. Steve's advice to Patrick once he arrived at the hospital and filled him in on the situation: "Oh, just keep trying her on her cell phone. Eventually she'll pick up." Eventually the woman who may have kidnapped and run off with your daughter will pick up the phone? I think Steve thinks best when he's half naked in a towel in the hospital locker room. All that clothing is clouding his judgment.

"I don't know what I was thinking before while I was clothed. What I meant to say is that you should immediately call the cops and have them issue an Amber Alert for Emma ..."

Despite the Keystone Cops running around town banging their heads together, Emma was indeed found, on Patrick and Robin's couch with Lisa, her boobs and a couple of cups of ice cream. Before Robin arrives back at the house, Lisa tells Patrick how much fun Emma had with her and how great the three of them would be together if, you know, something were to happen to Robin.

"Shit just got real."

Sonny returns home post-Johnny shooting to find Dante waiting for him. There's a lot of chatter back and forth between the two, but basically Sonny fesses up to shooting Johnny and convinces Dante that it was indeed in self-defense. See, Sonny's charm doesn't just work on the ladies. Dante starts to soften a bit to the "mobster with the heart of gold." Oh, if only Jax were there to witness it so he could get even more bitter and angry and Sonny-obsessed. But he's back at the Metro Court bar with Claire--or at least that's what I think I saw as I was fast-forwarding through it.

Meanwhile, Ronnie Domestico is disposing of the evidence--Johnny's gun--that could prove that Sonny is telling the truth this time about the shooting. An even worse crime than evidence tampering was stealing Dante's huge badge necklace and trying to pass it off as his own.

"When the light reflects off of it, I can guide ships in from the Port Charles Harbor."

A very strange scene is going on at General Hospital. Johnny is wheeled in with his gunshot wound to the chest, and Dr. Steve recruits Maya (now nicknamed "Freeze-pop" in the nurses' lounge for how she froze when Ethan was shot) to redeem herself and help him work on Johnny. Johnny may be officially superhuman if he's able to survive multiple gunshot wounds and a surgical assistant from Freeze-alicious. By the way, if Johnny had a gunshot wound to his chest, why was Dr. Steve stitching up his side? Oh Stevie, are you gonna have to start practicing medicine in your towel too?

"This whole thing made a lot more sense when I was back in the locker room splashing Old Spice on my pecks."

Johnny's gunshot wound was also cause for Maya and Ethan to reunite for the first time since ... well, you know ... the dance. (Just in case you're wondering, ABC still has not responded to my open letter about that little travesty. Savages.) Thankfully, this time I was just bored and not emotionally scarred. But really though, Ethan has more chemistry with Tina, the nanny who just got fired at Patrick and Robin's. And no, they've never been on screen together.

"I'm telling you, Coleman won't reopen Jake's until we promise never to dance in public again. There's a form we have to sign and have notarized."

I didn't quite get Ethan's callousness towards Johnny's shooting, a man who just earlier that day he called his "best mate." Ethan acts like the only reason he's upset over Johnny's condition is because his meal ticket might end. He even uses the dire situation as an excuse to flirt with Maya, telling her "Save Johnny and I'll owe you one. That should be incentive." I usually love Ethan (except when he's doing his Lord of the Dance impression) so this kinda threw me. Has the bromance ended already? Or, is Ethan just hiding his true feeling underneath that rodeo shirt and bicycle-tire chains?

Across the ocean in Rome, Brenda is meeting with our old friend Willy, the curator of Franco's exhibits. Willy is trying to convince Brenda to work with the serial killer artist, but Brenda stands firm, saying she's "not a fan of violence" and has been spending the last seven years trying to avoid it. Can I just say that, like Ronnie stole Dante's whole look with the gigantic neck badge, I would like to steal Brenda's whole look. Love the shirt, the glasses, the make-up ...

"Franco can have me under one condition: Bring. The. Monkey."

Later, Brenda returns home from the gym, and while she's out on the patio calling Murphy Sinclair, a Franco-looking figure dressed in all black lurks toward her.

"With all this hype about her, I thought I'd be a little more excited when I finally saw her. Maybe I should tell Willy to call the whole thing off. C077X bitches!"

So what do you think?