Dante Orchestrates Michael's Release, Must Wear Fewer Gold Chains as Part of Deal

Wow, I'm still wrapping my head around yesterday's episode. I have to say, I wasn't initially looking forward to seeing the "Johnny Kristina Port Charles" (and special thanks to my blog follower PartyAtJakes for getting that movie reference) storyline play out, but it already has made for some amazing television, especially the scenes involving Johnny and Olivia.


As I said earlier this week, JOlivia is one of the most authentic couples on the show--funny considering I thought they only started out as a gimmick ("hey, let's do the whole cougar/MILF thing!"). And I really felt for both of them on Friday. Johnny's singular motivation is to bring down Sonny and avenge his sister, even if it means, as Olivia pointed out, using a 17-year-old abuse victim. Johnny should have never even pretended to cross that line.

On the other hand, it was difficult to see this couple moving forward in light of Olivia's feelings for Sonny (remember Olivia and Sonny making out over a pot of chili in the kitchen at Kelly's?). Loved the scenes with Johnny pouring his heart out to new best bud, Ethan (by the way, has Ethan actually moved into his pretend apartment?! He's there more than Johnny). "Olivia and I don't love each the same way," the mob prince told Ethan and his ever-present pocket chain. "She has all of my heart ... and I only have the piece of hers that doesn't belong to Sonny." Sad, but true, Johnny Z. Sad, but true.


By the way, how could Kristina actually say to Ethan, "I hadn't really thought about it like that--that someone could die." Uh, it's Sonny Corinthos, my dear. Someone always dies. Isn't that why you threw Ethan under the bus in the first place? Because you thought Daddy would kill Keifer if he knew the truth? Did you really think he was going to decompress from his daughter sleeping with his arch enemy with a glass of warm chamomile and a long bath?

To add a little levity and humor to such a heavy, emotional episode, we cut to Jason and Claire Walsh discussing serial killer Franco. Normally, a conversation about a serial killer wouldn't be light and funny, but this is The Chuckles after all. "I'm not like Franco," the hit man proclaimed to Claire. "No, you're a headcase of a different sort," the prosecutor quipped back. Hee hee. She's got a point there, Jason Morgue-an.

I am always baffled by how General Hospital portrays our legal system, but the logic of this latest plot twist truly escapes me. I'm not a lawyer, so maybe this could conceivable happen in real life ... but I'm skeptical. So Judge Carroll has suddenly released Michael from his prison sentence based on a conversation he has with a cop who happens to be the prisoner's half-brother. No lawyers present, no nothing. Just good ol' Dante and Judge Carroll working out a deal:

"OK, OK, we'll give Michael the counseling and community service everyone's been begging for. But he must live with you, Dante, in your tiny studio apartment that doesn't seem to have a door bell. Or a lock. And he can't see Sonny! Oh, and one more thing ... "

"Anything, Judge Carroll. I'll do anything for my bruth-er."

"Cut the number of gold chains you wear per day down to four!"

Convoluted or not, it was good to see Michael out of a prison uniform and back home in Port Chuck. Even baby Josselyn showed up for the occasion:

Judge Carroll Grants Michael's Release, Dante Rushes Home to "Celebrate"

So I missed a few scenes of today's episode, but I think I got the gist of what's going on. Dante visited Judge Carroll to plead with him for Michael's release, and for whatever reason, it actually worked this time. Then Dante got so worked up over his success--or perhaps the vision of the Judge looking devastatingly handsome in a shirt and tie--that he immediately ran home to Lulu and started tearing off clothing. Nothing like celebrating an 18-year-old's imminent release from prison with a little afternoon lovin'. BTW, what's the benefits package like over there at Crimson? Lots of paid time off I'm assuming?

Back to Judge Carroll for a minute: I've generally enjoyed his character, but what's with the rationale of throwing Michael in prison to get him away from Sonny? Yeah, I get it, the influence of a mob boss father is not a good one, but is incarceration with harden, dangerous criminals really a wise alternative? Six of one, half dozen of another, Judge Smarty Pants.

The most ill-conceived ploy ever, "Johnny Kristina Port Charles," ramped up today smack in the middle of the Chuckles' newest and most popular thoroughfare--Baker Street (also where Carly takes her fake yoga class, where the MEthan coffee incident took place, and now, where Sonny witnessed his daughter being "felt up" by Jay-Z). Something about this whole thing really disturbs me. Everything Sonny's done aside, it seems more than a little sick to get back at him by making him think a grown man is getting busy with his 17-year-old daughter, who's just getting over being violently abused. Given Kristina's habit of lying, and Jay-Z's habit of doing just about anything to lash out at Sonny, why isn't anyone taking a closer look into this? And hasn't Sonny learned yet that jumping to conclusions that may be false, and threatening to murder someone regardless, might not be his ultimate pathway to success? If I was Morgan, I'd start taking karate lessons in Japan ... family be crazy!


I hope Johnny doesn't get snuffed out though for messin' with the mob boss's daughter, as I'm really enjoyed this whole Odd Couple thing him and Ethan have going on right now. (Side Note: Is it possible for Maya to bitch anymore than she already does? Don't waste your pretend apartment on that nag, Big E.)

Cut to Pentonville, and more Shawshank Redemption scenes today between Jason Morgan Freedman and Michael Tim Robbins. Was Jason writing in a journal at one point? Meanwhile, this Pentonville gets more visitors than a Sunday open house over in the "good" part of town. I did feel bad for Michael at the end, though, when he said that mob life was the only future he could have after his time in the slammer. You know Michael's portrayer Chad Duell is probably thinking, "Great, how did I get stuck with this? Every other soap teen gets a fun, summer at the pool club storyline ... "

Sonny Will Hate It More Than God Hates Sin

No, not a pair of khakis and a polo shirt. Of course, we're talking about Kristina's master plan to feign a little somethin' somethin' between herself and Port Chuck's hot mob prince, Johnny Zacchara--just the mere thought of which would send Sonny screaming right out of his silk suit. Johnny's not biting for now, but something tells me (and no, not just the spoilers I read) that we haven't heard the last of this convoluted scheme. I'm surprised Johnny didn't bring up Olivia as one of the many reasons for not playing Kristina's reindeer games. For a man so deeply in love, you would think not pissing off your hot-blooded girlfriend would be top on your list of priorities. Hey Johnny, I think someone once mentioned she's from Bensonhurst, and we hear the broads are pretty tough around there.

Speaking of Sonny, why so much screen time for him and Claire Walsh? Are we really going to go through the whole Sonny seduces the prosecutor storyline yet again? I really enjoyed Claire's scenes with Lucky a few weeks ago, and was hoping the show would continue to build on that obvious chemistry. Although I guess Claire can't exactly make cute with Lucky while he's busy wreaking havoc (and yes, I do mean that bad Irish accent) all across Greece. If Jonathan Jackson doesn't get an Emmy for managing to tear up in nearly every scene he performs, then there's no justice in this bloody world. And can someone please tell me what shade of lipstick he wears? I'm convinced it will go perfect with my skin coloring.


Yes, it was sorta cute that Emmy award winner Julie Berman's character Lulu told Dante that she was giving him an Emmy winning performance. But Emmy caliber or not, could the Lante show take a hiatus before I will Lulu and her towel to, oops, plummet right down the elevator shaft?

Enjoyed the banter between Carly and Patrick. If Kristina hadn't already delivered that "my dad will hate it more than God hates sin" gem, Carly would have walked off with the line of the day for claiming that Lisa's affections for Patrick were so obvious "she might as well be wearing a sandwich board." Not to mention how she then went on to accuse Patrick of picturing Lisa nekkid under said sandwich board.

The violent fighting--and ultimately murder--scene between Jason and Carter was disturbing to say the least on Friday, and Carter's deathbed (shower floor?) message from Franco gave me quite a chill. I haven't read anything about what happens to Jason as a result of Carter's death, so I'm watching and waiting along with the rest of you who refuse to be spoiled. But with the warden confronting Jason at the end of today's episode, something is about to go down. I don't understand, could the warden/prison guards actually have found the bloody clothes Jason masterfully hid underneath his cot? Why, that's the last place anyone would look!

Wednesday, 9/3/08: Fastest Trial in History

Amazing. GH will drag out a storyline like the monotonous back and forth between Patrick and Robin for months and months ("I wanna be a part of the baby's life." "No." "I want to move in with you." "No." "I want to marry you." "No.") yet Johnny Zacchara is about to get the fastest trial in the history of the U.S. legal system. Jury selection and the start of the trial all in one day? We should have a verdict by end of episode tomorrow. Let's hope they at least give Epiphany enough time to close the deal with that fellow juror.

Nice use of Coleman the Bartender (who even knew that was his name?) with his freestyle "C. Diddy" rap. Apparently it's very gangsta in Coleman's bar. If you remember, this is where Robin and Patrick had the "your baby momma momma" fight.

So both Clarisse and Diane are gunning for Kate to tell her about the Sonny-Carly limo sex ... but will they actually do it? From everything I've read, there IS a Sonny and Kate wedding, and I can't imagine Kate still marrying him after learning of that betrayal. And I haven't read any spoilers lately, so should be interesting to see how that all plays out.

So is Laura (the awake Laura at least) real or just a Lulu hallucination? I hope the former, but it seems a little odd that neither Nikolas or Lucky have dropped in on Shady Brook while Laura and Lulu are bonding. Then again, wouldn't be the first time a GH storyline didn't exactly make sense. At least I hope we've seen the last of Dead Logan ... dude freaked me out.

Monday, 8/18/08: Loo Looo's in the Loony Bin

I think GH was a little too intense for me today ... Lulu screaming in a straight jacket (a straight jacket?!), Johnny getting beaten down by the cops ... makes you long for those carefree days on Dr. Siegel's couch doesn't it? Speaking of Lunny's former digs ... does this mean we've seen the last of Sal and Lourdes? Something tells me at least dear Lourdes will find herself in Port Charles at some point ... Although Sal could provide some good muscle for Jason, what with his gang background and hatred for the Zaccharas.

Kate was so annoying today I could barely stand it ... have they turned her into a complete whining, selfish, bratty bridezilla or what?! Amazing that Sonny can't resist the lures of the mob, but he finds it very easy to resist other woman, such as Sasha the Russian lady, even with that annoying, nagging Kate in his ear every two seconds. Then again, stick Carly in the back of a limo and the man loses all resolve.

Meanwhile, what in the world is Carly up to with creepy Karpov? How far does she plan to take this whole thing? Is she going to kiss Karpov? Sleep with him? He doesn't seem like the kind of guy you can easily brush off with the "I have a headache" excuse, or "I don't do that on the first date."

Claudia slapping Scott Baldwin ... good stuff.

BTW, I watched a rerun of The Profiler over the weekend and the psycho of the week was none other than a much younger looking Anthony Zacchara. He sure does crazy well!

Thursday, 8/14/08: Alexis Is a Mess

Seriously, is there a bigger mess on this show than Alexis? Dating Jerry Jax should be enough to qualify her. Now, after all her frantic outbursts about needing Sonny to stay away from Christina ... she wants him to do "whatever he has to do" to protect her? So now it's okay if he makes the most of his mob tendencies in the name of their daughter? Hypocritical much?

Maxie is far from naive ... so how come she has no clue how Spinelli feels about her, or hasn't even considered the possibility? I know far-fetched is typical for GH, but still ... it's a cute relationship (one of my favorites on the show), but it certainly wouldn't suffer from a dose of realism.

Kate finally mentioned the "Olivia" again that she uttered in the hospital months ago after she was shot. It's her cousin. I mean, the woman is getting married in this big, splashy wedding ... no one has thought to question where her family is, if they're coming, who's walking her down the aisle??

Karpov must be reading this blog (or looking in the mirror) ... he's trying to tame the comb-over with a slicked-back look.

Tuesday, 7/29/08: The Karpov Is Out of the Bag

Bitter old Ric let the Karpov cat out of the bag yesterday by telling Jason about Sonny's dealings with the Russian mobster ... but today, a visit from Claudia and The Jackal's sleuthing confirmed the connection. Even though Claudia insisted that Sonny is not working against Jason with Karpov, you could tell the news was not sitting well with the tall, silent one.

I usually love Carly, but it's been a bit too much the last few days. She's throwing everything but the kitchen sink at Jax (sex, liquor, romantic memories, bonding over Michael's accident) and he's making a complete fool out of her in return. Throwing her out of his hotel room, throwing himself out of a plane to get away from her ... as soon as my husband embarrassed me in front of a colleague by throwing me out of his hotel room, I would have been on the next plane back to Port Charles, not pouring myself into a tight red dress and licking up strawberries to turn him on.

I realize this whole counterfeit drug storyline looks great on paper, but it's really turning into one big snoozefest. Part of the problem is that it's focused around two couples with zero chemistry -- Sam and Lucky and the even more yawn-inducing Nikolas and Nadine -- as well as a new character, our dear Matt Hunter, who looks more like he just left a frat party than the menancing, underhanded doc he's suppose to be portraying. He's Dr. Ian Devlin Light. Now that was a character who instantly envoked creepy and sinister.

Monday, 7/21/08: Dr. Hunter Proves the "Coupon Joke" Still a Great First-Date Ice Breaker

Poor Carly. I know she's done far more devious things, but I just couldn't help but feel sorry for her when bitchy ol' Kate set her up today. Wonder how Carly's going to retaliate ... although right now she seems far more concerned with trying to keep Jax from walking out the door.

We've been seeing a lot more of Nikolas and Nadine lately, especially with this counterfeit drug storyline ramping up. Nadine is nice and all, but after seeing Nikolas with Claudia (when are they going to reunite those two?!) it's obvious how much Nik and Nadine lack chemistry. YAWN. I actually enjoyed seeing Nadine and Dr. Hunter together much more ... what can I say, he won me over with the "I had a coupon" joke :)

Of course, the Lulu-Johnny insanity from Friday spilled over into today. I love how the PCPD is trying to figure out who "smuggled" the gun into the police station. I don't think you can really call it smuggling when someone just walks into the station with their hand shoved in their purse and no one even gives them a second look. At least the writers gave one character some sense ... Nikolas was able to figure out what the rest of the PCPD, including Lulu's brother, could not -- that Lulu was in on the escape and not a defenseless hostage.

So Johnny confessed his love to Lulu today. I'll tell ya, nothing more romantic than summer love, a young couple on the run ... I'd be very into these two if I could actually stand shrieky, grating, childish Loo Looo. But even though he doesn't look quite as good in a tight shirt, I'd take Maxie and Spinelli over these two any day.

How can Sonny really consider himself retired when he's providing "consulting" services to Comb-Over Karpov, the Russian Mobster? Seems like a slippery slope to me ...

Friday, 6/18/08: Next on General Hospital, Max Dresses as a Circus Clown

Today was a bit of a dull day around the Hospital, especially for a Friday. Big ol' Max in a fisherman's hat isn't exactly my way of escaping in front of the television after a long work week.

Speaking of, while I appreciate Max's kind guesture to take Sonny away during Father's Day weekend ... Sonny? In the woods? Really?? The man lounges around his house in a full suit, do you really think he's going to be sitting in a canoe casting a line in pinstripes? I think if GH really wanted to show that Sonny is conflicted, depressed, that retirement's getting to him, they should have him walking around all sloppy in sweatpants and a t-shirt, hair un-moussed, maybe some stubble ... would love to see him stumble into the Crimson offices like that.

And while I realize reality is a bit askew in the soap opera world, what are the chances that the same woman who Sam (aka Cindy) did wrong sometime in the past is now hanging with Luke Spencer in Mexico? I'm even willing to let it go that none of the people in GH's Mexico have Mexican accents, but come on now .... my imagination only stretches so far. I have to say, I was somewhat excited when I learned that Sam and Lucky would be going on this adventure together to Mexico ... I really thought they both deserved more screen time than they had been getting. But now that the storyline is under way ... bleh. There's just no chemistry between these two. I kept hoping Luke would show up to at least provide some comic relief, even though I know Tony Geary's safely tucked away in Amsterdam until the fall.

Speaking of chemistry, the only thing that really did grab my attention on Friday was seeing Nikolas and Claudia interact again ... I really hope GH continues to move forward with this pairing. And seeing them together made it even more apparent what a snoozefest Nadine really is.

Wednesday, 6/11/08: Should I Sleep With Sonny ... This Week?

Funny that Carly spent so much time today contemplating whether or not she should sleep with Sonny ... I mean, considering she JUST slept with Sonny! All of the Sonny and Carly talk that's dominated the past two days caught me off guard ... but it did get me thinking. Will Sonny and Carly ever get back together? I don't know how Carly could ever justify the decision after claiming that staying away from Sonny is the only way to keep her children safe, but their long history and strong connection seem to always keep the possibility alive. Of course, we all see a Carly pregnancy coming a mile away (no way a soap would have a character sleep with two men on the same night and not capitalize on the potential repercussions!) and I just gotta bet the little one comes out of the womb with slicked back hair and a silk suit.

And was Carly right? Is Sonny only "the real Sonny" when he's with her? Of course, unlike Carly, we have the benefit of knowing Kate's true past with Sonny. Meanwhile, where are Connie Falconari's parents/family? Have they ever been addressed? If Kate Howard is so world-reknowned, no one's spotted a photo of her and thought, oh, there's my long-lost daughter/sister/cousin/etc?

From what I've read online and in soap magazines, it seems that viewers have really taken to Max and Diane. I don't get this one at all. I've always found Diane entertaining, but Max is just like a big, dumb block of wood. Which has served him well as Sonny's rarely verbal body guard. I'm just not seeing a different side to Max with Diane, and I'm not invested in these two at all. They're thisclose to getting fast-forwarded through.

Friday 6/6/08: Shut Your Mouth Lulu

Carly telling Lulu to "shut your mouth" on Thursday truly was bittersweet. Sweet because someone finally said what we've all been thinking; bitter because it seemed like it only made Lulu talk more. On Friday, she became SuperLulu, able to mediate mob wars, protect her grieving brother, clock in a few minutes at Crimson, and make it back to her and Johnny's love shack all in a single bound. Careful Lu, keep up this yapping and poor Johnny's going to reach around that shack for the closest pair of garden shears and chop his own ears off. "Anything to make her stop!!!!"

And while I love that Maxie dared to suggest that the daytime Devil Wears Prada, Miss Kate, might actually be wrong ... I don't think she actually was in this case. I agree that Spinelli is a good-hearted guy, but in what place of business would he be allowed to drop in at will, socialize with the staff, and disrupt the normal flow of business? Why haven't any of Spinelli's many "mentors" suggested that he might have better luck with his fair Maximista if he wasn't always hounding the poor girl at work?!

Speaking of good-hearted Spinelli, Sonny's "freak boy" tirade was particularly disturbing. Bad enough he shoved his head against a post not too long ago. I realize Sonny's suppose to be the tough mob guy who can't tolerate the eccentric kid, but come on, this is like fifth-grade-level bullying. Can someone (um, yeah, that would mean you Jason) intervene on Spinelli's behalf, and put an end to this creepy and unnecessary dynamic?