Sam Resurrects the Ghost of Brenda for Some Lovin', Jailhouse-Style

(So after a long day at work, I finally sat down to watch today's episode of General Hospital ... and like Michael asking Dante for a cold beer, I was quickly denied. For some reason, my DVR chose to malfunction today. So a special thank you to GeneralHospital678's YouTube channel for helping me catch up. And my apologies for the screen shots not being as hi-def as usual.)

The steady stream of visitors continued into Pentonville today. I'd joke about how they should just move Jason's cot into the visitor's room since he's in there more than in his cell, but well, we'll get to his visit from Sam in a minute. First in line for a little one-on-one time with P-ville's most popular prisoner was Maxie. (BTW, her new haircut, which I wasn't a fan of at first, is starting to grow on me. I think Maxie, or Kristin Storms for that matter, can pull off anything). We quickly learned that Dante and Jason aren't the only ones to receive recent calling cards from our favorite psychopath, Franco. Maxie also received the same photo that Dante did of Random Dead Guy. And she wants Jason Morgan, our cute, cuddly "head case of a different sort," to put a stop to all this Franco nonsense once and for all.


Maxie gets my "line of the day" for proclaiming that Jason sending himself to prison to protect Michael was "the most selfish thing you've ever done," since it renders him nearly useless to protect her and the rest of Port Chuck from the infamous artist/nut case. Ahh, I can already hear Adam Lambert's "Mad World" playing in the background ... "mad world, mad wooorrrllldd ..."

Over at that same patch of grass that all Port Chuck residents visit when they decide to go to the park, Patrick is spending some quality father-daughter time with Emma (isn't she adorable, by the way?) when, uh oh, out from behind the bushes like a bear ready to steal your picnic basket ... it's the denim twins, Lisa and Steve. And they're toting ice cream cones and, yes, of course, they're wearing denim. In fact, I think Steve was wearing the same denim shirt that Lisa disrobed him of last week. Has this become Steve's "lucky" shirt? If this keeps up, we're soon going to see denim scrubs in the surgical wing. Lisa and Steve may procreate just so they can put their kid in those new denim diapers.

As most of you already know, Vanessa Marcil is resuming her role of Brenda Barrett in August, and we got the first mention of her on GH since the big announcement last week. Spinelli managed to resurrect Jason and Brenda's old marriage license so Sam could impersonate Brenda and use the paperwork to get a little jailhouse lovin'. OK, I'll admit it, I want a conjugal visit with Jason Morgan, because damn, that was hot, people.

Perhaps the only place getting more visitors than Pentonville is Johnny Z.'s mafia condo. Between P-ville and Jay-Z's place, the Metro Court would kill for even a fraction of that foot traffic. First up is Brook, who after witnessing a conversation between Olivia and Lulu about Johnny and Kristina, storms over to Jay-Z's to reprimand him for getting involved with young, impressionable K, and to warn him that if he continues, "it will blow up big time." Hmm, is that a premonition, Madame Ashton? Nah, really she's just trying to get into Jay-Z's pants. But, heck, can you blame her? (BTW, if you melted all of Dante's many gold chains together, I think you'd get something similar to what was hanging around Brook's neck today: )

Next up on Johnny's doorstep is Alexis, who he offers "wine, scotch, pig in a blanket?" Ah, your buddy in crime and comedy, Ethan, would be proud of you for that zinger, Jay-Z. But before Alexis can get very far with her "how dare you use an impressionable 17-year-old to seek your Sonny revenge" speech, Kristina herself shows up and stakes her claim on her pretend boyfriend. She wants to be with Johnny, and nothing's going to stop her.

So what are your thoughts on this Sonny revenge plot I've dubbed "Johnny Kristina Port Charles"? At first, I was really turned off to even the pretend idea of Johnny and Kristina together. And while I still don't think it's right that Johnny is even entertaining this in lieu of Kristina's age and recent trauma (not to mention what it's done to him and Olivia) it has made for some captivating television these last few days.

Judge Carroll Grants Michael's Release, Dante Rushes Home to "Celebrate"

So I missed a few scenes of today's episode, but I think I got the gist of what's going on. Dante visited Judge Carroll to plead with him for Michael's release, and for whatever reason, it actually worked this time. Then Dante got so worked up over his success--or perhaps the vision of the Judge looking devastatingly handsome in a shirt and tie--that he immediately ran home to Lulu and started tearing off clothing. Nothing like celebrating an 18-year-old's imminent release from prison with a little afternoon lovin'. BTW, what's the benefits package like over there at Crimson? Lots of paid time off I'm assuming?

Back to Judge Carroll for a minute: I've generally enjoyed his character, but what's with the rationale of throwing Michael in prison to get him away from Sonny? Yeah, I get it, the influence of a mob boss father is not a good one, but is incarceration with harden, dangerous criminals really a wise alternative? Six of one, half dozen of another, Judge Smarty Pants.

The most ill-conceived ploy ever, "Johnny Kristina Port Charles," ramped up today smack in the middle of the Chuckles' newest and most popular thoroughfare--Baker Street (also where Carly takes her fake yoga class, where the MEthan coffee incident took place, and now, where Sonny witnessed his daughter being "felt up" by Jay-Z). Something about this whole thing really disturbs me. Everything Sonny's done aside, it seems more than a little sick to get back at him by making him think a grown man is getting busy with his 17-year-old daughter, who's just getting over being violently abused. Given Kristina's habit of lying, and Jay-Z's habit of doing just about anything to lash out at Sonny, why isn't anyone taking a closer look into this? And hasn't Sonny learned yet that jumping to conclusions that may be false, and threatening to murder someone regardless, might not be his ultimate pathway to success? If I was Morgan, I'd start taking karate lessons in Japan ... family be crazy!


I hope Johnny doesn't get snuffed out though for messin' with the mob boss's daughter, as I'm really enjoyed this whole Odd Couple thing him and Ethan have going on right now. (Side Note: Is it possible for Maya to bitch anymore than she already does? Don't waste your pretend apartment on that nag, Big E.)

Cut to Pentonville, and more Shawshank Redemption scenes today between Jason Morgan Freedman and Michael Tim Robbins. Was Jason writing in a journal at one point? Meanwhile, this Pentonville gets more visitors than a Sunday open house over in the "good" part of town. I did feel bad for Michael at the end, though, when he said that mob life was the only future he could have after his time in the slammer. You know Michael's portrayer Chad Duell is probably thinking, "Great, how did I get stuck with this? Every other soap teen gets a fun, summer at the pool club storyline ... "

Tuesday, 8/19/08: Nikolas Throws Cell Phone, Grabs Nadine's Ass

Things seemed to be moving along so well lately with the pairing of Claudia and Nikolas ... right up until Nikolas decided to shove his tongue down Nadine's throat at the end of today's episode. I'm pretty sure he even grabbed her ass for a second there too. Good Lord, must we really endure more of these two ... or rather, more of Nadine? I'm so not amused GH. I read in the latest issue of ABC Soaps in Depth (http://abcsoapsindepth.com/) that Sarah Brown was only interested in staying in Port Chuck if Claudia was involved with Nikolas, so I have to hope we haven't seen the last of them.

Holy Soviet Union Jason! Sasha the Russian Lady struck out with Sonny, so she figured she'd take the more direct approach with Jason and just start undressing. I have to say, given that he's the boss of a major crime syndicate and absolutely gorgeous, you'd think Jason would be getting more women disrobing down to their red foundation garments. So what do we think ... will Stone Cold take the Russian bait?

I like that Bernie, aka Mr. Lipman, has been getting some air time lately!

Wednesday, 8/7/08: In Cognito Johnny Brings Sexy Back

Wow, I don't even know where to start today ... who lit a fire under Port Chuck?! It was an action-packed Wednesday! First, we see Johnny looking all Justin Timberlake in his sunglasses and army hat disguise. I swore Jessical Biel and a few trailing paparrazzi were going to walk through the door behind him. Then the cops showed up, Underage Lourdes hugged up on Johnny a few times as Lulu glared on, Lunny had sex on the couch, Dead Logan played the piano ... you know, just another day at Professor Seigel's apartment. Speaking of Lunny, didn't Prof. Seigel have a bed, or do these two just really enjoy doing it on that tiny couch?! Guess GH couldn't afford the extra props.

He's such a creepy, kooky little old man, but how could you not love Anthony Zacchara? Wheeling around Port Charles like an exceptionally tanned little daredevil with his Loo Looos and his sharp sense of humor. Just the thought of him and Tracy on a date cracked me up!

Speaking of dates ... if Johnny brought sexy back at the beginning of the episode, Karpov snatched it right away again at the end. Is there anything less appealing than him slurring to Carly in his fake Russian accent that she should get in a car with him and go for a drive? Eeewww. At least he seems to be working on the comb-over ... it's not quite as severe as when he first showed up in PC. So are we really suppose to be worried that he might end up throwing Carly off a balcony?

Ric and Claudia ... so not interested. GH finally hit on a couple with some chemistry ... Nikolas and Claudia ... but of course they drop that like a hot potato so they can put us all to sleep with Claudia and Ric and Nikolas and Nadine. Wake me up when it's over.

BTW, aren't you really jealous of Jason that he has his own personal Jackal to scour the internet? I really really want one of those.

Tuesday, 8/5/08: The Bitch Is Back

We got a little taste of her yesterday, but it was great to see Bitchy Carly return in full force today. For the last couple weeks, I couldn't believe that she would actually let Kate get away with threatening her marriage to Jax, and sure enough, Carly very much has plans for revenge. However, I was shocked that she would actually suggest to Jason that he eliminate Sonny ... maybe she knows by now, much like the viewers, that the many threats against the lives of Sonny, Jason, etc., never really do pan out.

If Kate was clever, she should have snuck a photo of Carly in that tie-dye dress and run it in Crimson under "fashion don't" with one of those black bars over Carly's eyes.

Something must be in the water because I actually enjoyed watching Lulu's scenes today with Laura (aka, the back of that blonde woman's head who's obviously not Genie Francis). What's next? Hoping they show more of Robin's video blog?! Seriously though, it made me even more anxious for Laura's return ... which I don't think is for a couple more weeks.

Boy, Lourdes didn't waste any time taking advantage of Lulu's absence, suggesting that she and Johnny run away together. I knew Lourdes looked younger, but I'm wondering just how young she is. I was assuming around 19, but Johnny mentioned her being a minor today. So that must mean she's more like 16 or 17?!

Nadine ... ugh. Maybe now that Lulu isn't getting on my nerves quite as much, I can use the energy to compalin about Nadine every day. Really, does anyone like this character?!

Tuesday, 7/29/08: The Karpov Is Out of the Bag

Bitter old Ric let the Karpov cat out of the bag yesterday by telling Jason about Sonny's dealings with the Russian mobster ... but today, a visit from Claudia and The Jackal's sleuthing confirmed the connection. Even though Claudia insisted that Sonny is not working against Jason with Karpov, you could tell the news was not sitting well with the tall, silent one.

I usually love Carly, but it's been a bit too much the last few days. She's throwing everything but the kitchen sink at Jax (sex, liquor, romantic memories, bonding over Michael's accident) and he's making a complete fool out of her in return. Throwing her out of his hotel room, throwing himself out of a plane to get away from her ... as soon as my husband embarrassed me in front of a colleague by throwing me out of his hotel room, I would have been on the next plane back to Port Charles, not pouring myself into a tight red dress and licking up strawberries to turn him on.

I realize this whole counterfeit drug storyline looks great on paper, but it's really turning into one big snoozefest. Part of the problem is that it's focused around two couples with zero chemistry -- Sam and Lucky and the even more yawn-inducing Nikolas and Nadine -- as well as a new character, our dear Matt Hunter, who looks more like he just left a frat party than the menancing, underhanded doc he's suppose to be portraying. He's Dr. Ian Devlin Light. Now that was a character who instantly envoked creepy and sinister.

Friday, 6/27/08: Robin Scorpio Is My Lex Luthor

I have never liked Robin. Ever since she first came on as a child, she has grated on my every last nerve. I find her whiny and annoying. When I realized that Robin was in it for the long haul on GH, I really truly tried to like her. Even with this latest pregnancy storyline, I've tried to stick with it and learn to appreciate (or at least tolerate) Robin. From what I read in soap mags and on Web sites, it appears that many GH viewers do like her. So how hard could it be to sit through her storylines? Impossible ... that's how hard it is. So hard it's impossible. I have gotten so tired of her over-exaggerated pregnancy ailments and hypocritical bratty-ness about Patrick's involvement with the baby, I've resorted back to my tried-and-true Robin technique--fast forward. I mean, is it me, or have Robin and Patrick been repeating the same argument/dialogue day after day, week after week, for months now?

Funny too, because I recently tried to post a comment on Robin's blog ("Robin's Daily Dose," http://www.drrobinscorpio.com/) The comments are moderated, so they do not automatically appear. I checked back several times ... and the comment was never posted! I have no idea why. The comment was neither negative nor inappropriate, so I'll have to assume that Robin doesn't like me either :)

But for as much as I dislike Robin, that's how much I love Anna. So when she returned to GH on Friday, right smack in the middle of the Robin and Patrick storyline, I had a big decision to make ... to fast forward or not to fast forward. I ended up suffering through the scenes, but I'm not sure if even Anna can keep me from skipping over anything to do with Robin.

We saw more of the new doc, Matt Hunter, on Friday and I'm still not impressed. I mean, wow, a GH resident who thinks he's God's gift. The GH writers really thought outside the box with this one to come up with a totally new, unique character. And I just don't find this guy even remotely attractive. Seriously, what's up with that full beard? Are you in witness protection?!

I really don't understand Carly's tactic in explaining the mob spawn. Sonny paid her a visit to confront her on whether the baby was his or not ... and she's claiming it's Jason's? From Sonny's perspective, how can she be so sure? Whether or not she slept with Jax or Jason or whomever, Sonny knows for a fact that she slept with him and can easily do the math to say, ok, it's right about the time she should be showing symptoms. So how can she claim to Sonny with such certainty that it's not his? And is he buying this lame cover story?

Friday, 6/20/08: Beware, Asian Virus Known to Cause Boredom

So Jason has succumbed to the Asian something-or-other virus, but so far is just suffering from a high fever and a bad attitude. No delirum or truth serum-type effects, as promised ... at least not yet. I still can't quite figure out why GH threw Jason, Claudia and Spinelli into quarantine together. I think it would be interesting if Jason had some feelings of affection for Claudia (romantic or otherwise) in spite of himself, but he seems to express only one emotion when they're together -- dislike. So where's the conflict? Why keep throwing these two characters together in life or death situations? I think I'm bored.

BTW, when Claudia flexes her insanely muscular arms, it's a little scary.

I had vowed to take a hiatus from talking about Lulu, but GH doesn't make it easy to avoid her by putting her on every blessed day. Friday we were treated to a Lulu and Johnny romp at the Quartermaine boathouse ... all wet and steamy and giggly until it dawned on Lulu that she had brought Johnny to the one place where she had seduced Dylan and lost her virginity. She confessed this sordid little detail of her past to Johnny -- including the resulting pregnancy -- but he seemed to get over it in record time. Probably because at that point, he just wanted to get some.

Thursday, 6/19/08: Uncle Mac Needs to Get Laid

I actually thought the Robin silliness was finally coming to an end. We've endured the exaggerated cravings, constant talk of peeing, and general "I'm the worst depiction of a pregnant woman ever" whining and complaining. We suffered through the ridiculous video blog wars and "baby daddy" and "baby momma momma" nonsense. Now this latest stupidity with Mac hiring Epiphany to care for Robin and keep her baby's father away from her, no matter how much he's trying to be there for her. It all seemed like it was FINALLY coming to an end today with Robin standing up for herself and sending Epiphany home, and then Patrick standing up to Mac ... right until the point where Mac arrested Patrick ... and, as we find out from the coming attractions, for stalking Robin! Remember back in the 90s when Mac was cool and kicked ass and got laid? WTF happened?! Can't they give Mac anything better to do? It's a shame that his character has such history and he's still on the show after all these years, but he's so pathetically back-burner.

I know I should be reacting to the fact that Jason keeled over from a potentially deadly virus today, but I'm still getting over the visual of a random man showing up at the door in a Haz-mat suit, dropping off a pamphlet while mumbling something about "virus" and "quarantined," and then getting the hell out of there. Surreal. I'm not too worried about Jason's chances of survival, but I am curious if he spills any dark secrets in his sick, delirious state.