Sam Resurrects the Ghost of Brenda for Some Lovin', Jailhouse-Style

(So after a long day at work, I finally sat down to watch today's episode of General Hospital ... and like Michael asking Dante for a cold beer, I was quickly denied. For some reason, my DVR chose to malfunction today. So a special thank you to GeneralHospital678's YouTube channel for helping me catch up. And my apologies for the screen shots not being as hi-def as usual.)

The steady stream of visitors continued into Pentonville today. I'd joke about how they should just move Jason's cot into the visitor's room since he's in there more than in his cell, but well, we'll get to his visit from Sam in a minute. First in line for a little one-on-one time with P-ville's most popular prisoner was Maxie. (BTW, her new haircut, which I wasn't a fan of at first, is starting to grow on me. I think Maxie, or Kristin Storms for that matter, can pull off anything). We quickly learned that Dante and Jason aren't the only ones to receive recent calling cards from our favorite psychopath, Franco. Maxie also received the same photo that Dante did of Random Dead Guy. And she wants Jason Morgan, our cute, cuddly "head case of a different sort," to put a stop to all this Franco nonsense once and for all.


Maxie gets my "line of the day" for proclaiming that Jason sending himself to prison to protect Michael was "the most selfish thing you've ever done," since it renders him nearly useless to protect her and the rest of Port Chuck from the infamous artist/nut case. Ahh, I can already hear Adam Lambert's "Mad World" playing in the background ... "mad world, mad wooorrrllldd ..."

Over at that same patch of grass that all Port Chuck residents visit when they decide to go to the park, Patrick is spending some quality father-daughter time with Emma (isn't she adorable, by the way?) when, uh oh, out from behind the bushes like a bear ready to steal your picnic basket ... it's the denim twins, Lisa and Steve. And they're toting ice cream cones and, yes, of course, they're wearing denim. In fact, I think Steve was wearing the same denim shirt that Lisa disrobed him of last week. Has this become Steve's "lucky" shirt? If this keeps up, we're soon going to see denim scrubs in the surgical wing. Lisa and Steve may procreate just so they can put their kid in those new denim diapers.

As most of you already know, Vanessa Marcil is resuming her role of Brenda Barrett in August, and we got the first mention of her on GH since the big announcement last week. Spinelli managed to resurrect Jason and Brenda's old marriage license so Sam could impersonate Brenda and use the paperwork to get a little jailhouse lovin'. OK, I'll admit it, I want a conjugal visit with Jason Morgan, because damn, that was hot, people.

Perhaps the only place getting more visitors than Pentonville is Johnny Z.'s mafia condo. Between P-ville and Jay-Z's place, the Metro Court would kill for even a fraction of that foot traffic. First up is Brook, who after witnessing a conversation between Olivia and Lulu about Johnny and Kristina, storms over to Jay-Z's to reprimand him for getting involved with young, impressionable K, and to warn him that if he continues, "it will blow up big time." Hmm, is that a premonition, Madame Ashton? Nah, really she's just trying to get into Jay-Z's pants. But, heck, can you blame her? (BTW, if you melted all of Dante's many gold chains together, I think you'd get something similar to what was hanging around Brook's neck today: )

Next up on Johnny's doorstep is Alexis, who he offers "wine, scotch, pig in a blanket?" Ah, your buddy in crime and comedy, Ethan, would be proud of you for that zinger, Jay-Z. But before Alexis can get very far with her "how dare you use an impressionable 17-year-old to seek your Sonny revenge" speech, Kristina herself shows up and stakes her claim on her pretend boyfriend. She wants to be with Johnny, and nothing's going to stop her.

So what are your thoughts on this Sonny revenge plot I've dubbed "Johnny Kristina Port Charles"? At first, I was really turned off to even the pretend idea of Johnny and Kristina together. And while I still don't think it's right that Johnny is even entertaining this in lieu of Kristina's age and recent trauma (not to mention what it's done to him and Olivia) it has made for some captivating television these last few days.

Judge Carroll Grants Michael's Release, Dante Rushes Home to "Celebrate"

So I missed a few scenes of today's episode, but I think I got the gist of what's going on. Dante visited Judge Carroll to plead with him for Michael's release, and for whatever reason, it actually worked this time. Then Dante got so worked up over his success--or perhaps the vision of the Judge looking devastatingly handsome in a shirt and tie--that he immediately ran home to Lulu and started tearing off clothing. Nothing like celebrating an 18-year-old's imminent release from prison with a little afternoon lovin'. BTW, what's the benefits package like over there at Crimson? Lots of paid time off I'm assuming?

Back to Judge Carroll for a minute: I've generally enjoyed his character, but what's with the rationale of throwing Michael in prison to get him away from Sonny? Yeah, I get it, the influence of a mob boss father is not a good one, but is incarceration with harden, dangerous criminals really a wise alternative? Six of one, half dozen of another, Judge Smarty Pants.

The most ill-conceived ploy ever, "Johnny Kristina Port Charles," ramped up today smack in the middle of the Chuckles' newest and most popular thoroughfare--Baker Street (also where Carly takes her fake yoga class, where the MEthan coffee incident took place, and now, where Sonny witnessed his daughter being "felt up" by Jay-Z). Something about this whole thing really disturbs me. Everything Sonny's done aside, it seems more than a little sick to get back at him by making him think a grown man is getting busy with his 17-year-old daughter, who's just getting over being violently abused. Given Kristina's habit of lying, and Jay-Z's habit of doing just about anything to lash out at Sonny, why isn't anyone taking a closer look into this? And hasn't Sonny learned yet that jumping to conclusions that may be false, and threatening to murder someone regardless, might not be his ultimate pathway to success? If I was Morgan, I'd start taking karate lessons in Japan ... family be crazy!


I hope Johnny doesn't get snuffed out though for messin' with the mob boss's daughter, as I'm really enjoyed this whole Odd Couple thing him and Ethan have going on right now. (Side Note: Is it possible for Maya to bitch anymore than she already does? Don't waste your pretend apartment on that nag, Big E.)

Cut to Pentonville, and more Shawshank Redemption scenes today between Jason Morgan Freedman and Michael Tim Robbins. Was Jason writing in a journal at one point? Meanwhile, this Pentonville gets more visitors than a Sunday open house over in the "good" part of town. I did feel bad for Michael at the end, though, when he said that mob life was the only future he could have after his time in the slammer. You know Michael's portrayer Chad Duell is probably thinking, "Great, how did I get stuck with this? Every other soap teen gets a fun, summer at the pool club storyline ... "

You Had Me At "Let Me Clean Up Your Cleavage"

I guess GH wisely figured they didn't need to drag out the Denim Twins post-coitus, as Steve was already showered and back at the hospital treating patients by the top of today's episode. Wait, didn't we just leave you and your marvelous abs back on Doc Niles' couch? Apparently, a more pressing duty called in the name of Tracy Q. and her Greece-induced viral infection.

While I have to admit to fast-forwarding through most of Luke and Tracy's dungeon scenes last week, I do often enjoy these two and their banter quite a bit. (BTW, Luke stealing the flowers out of the neighboring hospital room to give to Tracy ... classic!) And I really do feel for Tracy when she has these moments where she just can't take Luke's antics anymore, because Jane Elliot plays it so well. "You made a fool of me and broke my heart," she told him today ... sniff sniff. But at this point, she's starting to sound like the Quartermaine who cried wolf ... she's given this speech to Luke before (usually right before he jets off to Amsterdam, err, parts unknown) but she always ends up taking him back.

Back at the Quartermaine mansion, Edward was mourning the anniversary of Justice's death while Maya sat and listened with the depth of a cardboard cutout. I tried to like her yesterday, I really did. But there's just nothing there, people. Even still, GH seems to be full steam ahead with the MEthan pairing. Um, from what I could see, Maya spilled coffee on her upper chest/cleavage area. And Ethan was going to help her "clean that up"? Back at his pretend apartment? Considering you get pissed at everything, Maya, how about the fact that this guy you supposedly loathe just offered to wipe down your boobs back at his place?

Is it just me or could Ethan and Johnny totally team up for a buddy comedy? I'm seeing the next Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn here, complete with madcap mob hijinx: "It all sounds good ... except for that little 'we could die' thing." "Oh, just donate all this crap to charity then!" (roll laugh track)

Monday, 8/11/08: Kate's Skirt Could Cover Your Leftovers

Can a new day please finally dawn on Port Charles so Kate can wear something other than that hideous tin-foil skirt? I haven't commented on Kate much lately because I figure it just goes without saying how irritating her whole bridezilla act is ... but that metallic skirt's been an eye sore for days now! Maybe when she takes it off, she can hold it under her chin and catch a nice sun tan.

BTW, Kate said the wedding is Sept. 26th and that it's less than a month away ... huh?? I guess that's in GH time, where you can wear the same skirt for a week and it's not considered a fashion faux pas.

Spinelli and Maxie are just too cute ... so happy they're showing a lot of these two again. And love how Maxie is becoming the Carly to Spinelli's Stone Cold ... although does this mean that "Spaxie" are destined for only friendship too?

So the fall out from the Nadine-Nikolas lip lock was pretty much what I expected ... but they're definitely leaving the door open wide enough for something to potentially happen between these two in the (near?) future. I might have to stop watching if that happens. Not that I think Claudia is the only option for Nikolas, but Nadine is not an option, period. I'm not even sure why she's on the show. She makes Lulu seem enjoyable to watch. OK, I'll try to stop bitching about Nadine now.

Speaking of Lulu, I doubt she'd be too pleased if she knew Pugsly was on the phone telling Wednesday all about her hallucinations behind her back.

Wednesday, 8/7/08: In Cognito Johnny Brings Sexy Back

Wow, I don't even know where to start today ... who lit a fire under Port Chuck?! It was an action-packed Wednesday! First, we see Johnny looking all Justin Timberlake in his sunglasses and army hat disguise. I swore Jessical Biel and a few trailing paparrazzi were going to walk through the door behind him. Then the cops showed up, Underage Lourdes hugged up on Johnny a few times as Lulu glared on, Lunny had sex on the couch, Dead Logan played the piano ... you know, just another day at Professor Seigel's apartment. Speaking of Lunny, didn't Prof. Seigel have a bed, or do these two just really enjoy doing it on that tiny couch?! Guess GH couldn't afford the extra props.

He's such a creepy, kooky little old man, but how could you not love Anthony Zacchara? Wheeling around Port Charles like an exceptionally tanned little daredevil with his Loo Looos and his sharp sense of humor. Just the thought of him and Tracy on a date cracked me up!

Speaking of dates ... if Johnny brought sexy back at the beginning of the episode, Karpov snatched it right away again at the end. Is there anything less appealing than him slurring to Carly in his fake Russian accent that she should get in a car with him and go for a drive? Eeewww. At least he seems to be working on the comb-over ... it's not quite as severe as when he first showed up in PC. So are we really suppose to be worried that he might end up throwing Carly off a balcony?

Ric and Claudia ... so not interested. GH finally hit on a couple with some chemistry ... Nikolas and Claudia ... but of course they drop that like a hot potato so they can put us all to sleep with Claudia and Ric and Nikolas and Nadine. Wake me up when it's over.

BTW, aren't you really jealous of Jason that he has his own personal Jackal to scour the internet? I really really want one of those.

Monday, 8/4/08: Carly Puts Kate on Notice

I'm not quite sure what was up with her tie-dye dress, but I did like how Carly finally called out Kate today for setting her up and screwing with her marriage to Jax. I love when these two cat fight ... as long as Carly wins of course!

Okay, Scary Dead Logan actually freaked me out! I had heard that the actor who played Logan would be back to film some "from the grave" scenes, but I thought he'd at least have some lines! Well, I guess you really can't top "you'll never get over me" as parting words for the woman who plunged a knife in your stomach. Speaking of, did Lulu actually take Johnny's money and run?! Where did she go? And will Johnny go after her?! Oh, of course he will. They can't keep Lunny apart for long!

So couldn't Nadine have made a run for the window when Matt went into the bathroom to change into his towel? And what happened to his four-hour surgery? Oh, who am I kidding, I really don't care.

Friday, 8/1/08: Lulu Makes Sense, Hell May Freeze Over as a Result

It was a rare moment on GH on Friday ... Lulu actually made sense! No really, I swear. It was a fleeting moment, but she didn't sound like her usual blathering, nonsensical self. She warned Johnny that Lourdes will turn on him once she realizes that her feelings for him are unrequited ... and Lulu's absolutely right. Lourdes is playing too hard for Johnny's affections not to eventually feel burned, especially with Johnny doing a good job of leading her on right now. (I can't quite figure out if Johnny truly is interested in Lourdes to a degree, made even subconsciously, or if he's just being extra nice to her because of what his family did to her father or because she knew his beloved Prof. Seigel ... ) I'm interested to see how it all plays out. And of course I'm enjoying Lourdes pissing Lulu off in the process!

I know I've already complained a lot about this whole counterfeit drug plot, but it's only getting worse now that the storyline is moving more to the forefront. I found myself struggling to sit through much of Friday's episode ... I was completely bored. And with so many strong, interesting characters on this show, why in the world is Nadine getting so much screen time?! I find absolutely nothing interesting, exciting or endearing about this girl. Her personality is grating (no, the Aunt Raylene-isms are neither cute nor charming), and she brings nothing to the scenes she's in. If the GH writers actually pursue this coupling with Nikolas, it'll be a complete waste of his character -- and the viewers' time.

I'm not sure if Spinelli was just being dramatic or trying to emulate his mentor Stone Cold when he told Maxie that he would need to distance himself from her for her own good ... but I think it's a shame that GH has significantly decreased Maxie and Spinelli's screen time together in recent weeks. These two were a very cute, entertaining couple, and it seems like viewers really took to them. So why won't GH make these two a bonafide couple? I'm sure part of the reason for distancing the two characters is to further set up Matt Hunter as a love interest for Maxie (eye roll). So I guess we'll watch those two fight over things like garage openers and baloney until they eventually realize they're attracted to each other and end up sleeping together. Can't wait.

Thursday, 7/31/08: Don't Let the Door Hit Ya Eli

It looks like Eli Love got wheeled off into the sunset today. It's about time ... enough with this guy and his horrendous accent already. I just didn't see the point in that entire storyline ... unless GH really thought the audience needed to be reminded about one or a thousand times that Anna Devane can do a high kick. Yeah, we get it. Granny can kick butt. Yawn.

BTW, doesn't anyone think it was wrong for Bratzilla Robin to arrange for Max and Milo to get the living crap beat out of them just to inflate her poor super hot, super spy mother's ego?!

So boring ol' Matt Hunter was sniffing around Anna, Noah, et al. again today. Let me guess, Matt is Noah's son and therefore, Patrick's half brother (who, it just so happens, he can't stand)? Looks like a highly original character might be about to meet a highly original storyline. I'd comment about him and Nadine today, but I'm so bored with those two, I might just fall asleep on my keyboard.

I had initially hoped for a Johnny and Lulu-free day, but I have to say, Lourdes has shaken up this storyline in a good way. I just love how she pisses off Lulu and blatantly chases after Johnny. I still think her keeping Johnny's secret is a bit of stretch (because she thinks he's a "nice guy"??) but I'll roll with it for now since it's so entertaining to watch her rattle Lulu's cage.

I didn't think too much about Monica getting out of rehab until she returned to the Quartermaine mansion ... listening to her and Tracy fight back and forth truly never gets old! Speaking of the Quartermaines, Alan hasn't shown up in his black track suit in quite some time.

Thursday, 7/17/08: Worst. Cover-up. Ever.

I was plagued by computer problems all last night, but thank goodness my TV hasn't stopped working ... lots going on at the Hospital these days. For instance, what in the world is Loo Looo doing walking into the PCPD with a gun?! She's been so incredibly annoying lately, frankly I don't even care what she does. You mean to tell me Johnny isn't having any second thoughts about taking the fall for this girl after she comes screeching into his "office" (ie, the interrogation room)?! Eee gads ... I'd ask them to put me back in my cell if the alternative was listening to that shreaky nonsense. BTW, since when does an inmate get to set up shop in the interrogation room of a police station and entertain a steady stream of visitors? Why doesn't Uncle Mac stock it with cocktails and hors d'vours too?

But if there's any upside to the Johnny and Loo Looo train wreck ... it's that Johnny is really, really hot.

So can no one keep a secret in Port Charles? On one hand, I see that Spinelli was concerned about Maxie and therefore went to Stone Cold with her secret. On the other hand, I'm kinda pissed at him that he betrayed her trust. But now, all hell's breaking loose ... Jason is busting into Loo Looo's room to tell her that he knows she did it, Spin is confessing to Johnny that now he and Jason know, Maxie is running to Jason for help ... Geez people, just take an ad out in the Port Charles Gazette.

I can't say I'm interested in this whole counterfeit drug storyline. Especially with this Matt Hunter at the center of it all. Even with his attempts to look menacing with all that facial hair, he just comes off as a wimpy kid. And I just don't like him. He bores me.

Eli Love ... awful Australian accent. And really, a little too old and weathered in the face to be worrying about dating a grandmother.

Tuesday, 7/8/08: Johnny's Girl, Where Can I Find a Woman Like That?

Well, better late than never right? It might have been AFTER Logan attacked Maxie, axed his way through Johnny's door and then Lulu plunged a butcher knife into his abdomen, but Lulu did think to call 911 afterall. Too bad though; by that point, Johnny and Maxie already had other ideas. It make sense though. I would think one of the perks of dating the mob would be quick and easy disposal of any dead bodies that may clutter up your path. Maybe Johnny can get her a cush job at a waste management facility next.

One catch though: Is Claudia really going to buy that Johnny's the one who killed Logan? Not that there's any love lost between those two guys, but I think it would be impossible to step into the middle of that scene and not smell a big ol' blonde rat. Should be interesting to see how Claudia reacts to it all.

Is there anything funnier than that paparazzi photo of Kate's head in Jax's lap?! Oh, it's just downright hysterical ... it warrants at least a two-page spread in Crimson. Get Maha Chang on the line. And I just love watching Carly fly off the handle, bitching at Jason, bitching at Sonny, bitching at Jax. Pure entertainment.

Oh yeah, and Noah Drake returned to GH today.

Monday 6/9/08:The Voices in Johnny's Head

Well, I was close. It wasn't garden shears, but Johnny reached for the nearest object he could find in the love shack baaaabbbbyy and looked like he was about to bash his own skull in with it. So yes, Johnny finally snaps and what does our dear Lulu do? Yep, keeps right on yapping. Do you think the writers actually try to make her the most annoying person on earth?

I have to say, I haven't been sure what to make of Claudia for months now (do I like her, do I not like, would I rather stick her in a crate with Lulu and ship them both off to Italy), but I really started to like the girl when she was staying at Windamere. I'm not saying I wanted to see her and Nikolas blossom into the next super couple, but the two had chemistry and I couldn't wait to see what would happen next. And now that Claudia's cooked up this little scheme to pay Maxie to seduce her brother ... well, it's official. I like this crazy bitch!

Actually, seeing Nikolas and gosh, what's her name ... the blonde ... with the yellow this is what I wore to my spring semi-formal dress ... Nadine! ... made me realize just how interesting Nikolas and Claudia actually were. Nadine's just a little too aww shucks and if Nikolas is staying true to his "I'll always love Emily, there will never be anyone else" mantra, then really, what could he and Nadine possibly do to entertain us? Put on a finger puppet show?