Sam Resurrects the Ghost of Brenda for Some Lovin', Jailhouse-Style

(So after a long day at work, I finally sat down to watch today's episode of General Hospital ... and like Michael asking Dante for a cold beer, I was quickly denied. For some reason, my DVR chose to malfunction today. So a special thank you to GeneralHospital678's YouTube channel for helping me catch up. And my apologies for the screen shots not being as hi-def as usual.)

The steady stream of visitors continued into Pentonville today. I'd joke about how they should just move Jason's cot into the visitor's room since he's in there more than in his cell, but well, we'll get to his visit from Sam in a minute. First in line for a little one-on-one time with P-ville's most popular prisoner was Maxie. (BTW, her new haircut, which I wasn't a fan of at first, is starting to grow on me. I think Maxie, or Kristin Storms for that matter, can pull off anything). We quickly learned that Dante and Jason aren't the only ones to receive recent calling cards from our favorite psychopath, Franco. Maxie also received the same photo that Dante did of Random Dead Guy. And she wants Jason Morgan, our cute, cuddly "head case of a different sort," to put a stop to all this Franco nonsense once and for all.


Maxie gets my "line of the day" for proclaiming that Jason sending himself to prison to protect Michael was "the most selfish thing you've ever done," since it renders him nearly useless to protect her and the rest of Port Chuck from the infamous artist/nut case. Ahh, I can already hear Adam Lambert's "Mad World" playing in the background ... "mad world, mad wooorrrllldd ..."

Over at that same patch of grass that all Port Chuck residents visit when they decide to go to the park, Patrick is spending some quality father-daughter time with Emma (isn't she adorable, by the way?) when, uh oh, out from behind the bushes like a bear ready to steal your picnic basket ... it's the denim twins, Lisa and Steve. And they're toting ice cream cones and, yes, of course, they're wearing denim. In fact, I think Steve was wearing the same denim shirt that Lisa disrobed him of last week. Has this become Steve's "lucky" shirt? If this keeps up, we're soon going to see denim scrubs in the surgical wing. Lisa and Steve may procreate just so they can put their kid in those new denim diapers.

As most of you already know, Vanessa Marcil is resuming her role of Brenda Barrett in August, and we got the first mention of her on GH since the big announcement last week. Spinelli managed to resurrect Jason and Brenda's old marriage license so Sam could impersonate Brenda and use the paperwork to get a little jailhouse lovin'. OK, I'll admit it, I want a conjugal visit with Jason Morgan, because damn, that was hot, people.

Perhaps the only place getting more visitors than Pentonville is Johnny Z.'s mafia condo. Between P-ville and Jay-Z's place, the Metro Court would kill for even a fraction of that foot traffic. First up is Brook, who after witnessing a conversation between Olivia and Lulu about Johnny and Kristina, storms over to Jay-Z's to reprimand him for getting involved with young, impressionable K, and to warn him that if he continues, "it will blow up big time." Hmm, is that a premonition, Madame Ashton? Nah, really she's just trying to get into Jay-Z's pants. But, heck, can you blame her? (BTW, if you melted all of Dante's many gold chains together, I think you'd get something similar to what was hanging around Brook's neck today: )

Next up on Johnny's doorstep is Alexis, who he offers "wine, scotch, pig in a blanket?" Ah, your buddy in crime and comedy, Ethan, would be proud of you for that zinger, Jay-Z. But before Alexis can get very far with her "how dare you use an impressionable 17-year-old to seek your Sonny revenge" speech, Kristina herself shows up and stakes her claim on her pretend boyfriend. She wants to be with Johnny, and nothing's going to stop her.

So what are your thoughts on this Sonny revenge plot I've dubbed "Johnny Kristina Port Charles"? At first, I was really turned off to even the pretend idea of Johnny and Kristina together. And while I still don't think it's right that Johnny is even entertaining this in lieu of Kristina's age and recent trauma (not to mention what it's done to him and Olivia) it has made for some captivating television these last few days.

Thursday, 8/14/08: Alexis Is a Mess

Seriously, is there a bigger mess on this show than Alexis? Dating Jerry Jax should be enough to qualify her. Now, after all her frantic outbursts about needing Sonny to stay away from Christina ... she wants him to do "whatever he has to do" to protect her? So now it's okay if he makes the most of his mob tendencies in the name of their daughter? Hypocritical much?

Maxie is far from naive ... so how come she has no clue how Spinelli feels about her, or hasn't even considered the possibility? I know far-fetched is typical for GH, but still ... it's a cute relationship (one of my favorites on the show), but it certainly wouldn't suffer from a dose of realism.

Kate finally mentioned the "Olivia" again that she uttered in the hospital months ago after she was shot. It's her cousin. I mean, the woman is getting married in this big, splashy wedding ... no one has thought to question where her family is, if they're coming, who's walking her down the aisle??

Karpov must be reading this blog (or looking in the mirror) ... he's trying to tame the comb-over with a slicked-back look.

Monday, 8/11/08: Kate's Skirt Could Cover Your Leftovers

Can a new day please finally dawn on Port Charles so Kate can wear something other than that hideous tin-foil skirt? I haven't commented on Kate much lately because I figure it just goes without saying how irritating her whole bridezilla act is ... but that metallic skirt's been an eye sore for days now! Maybe when she takes it off, she can hold it under her chin and catch a nice sun tan.

BTW, Kate said the wedding is Sept. 26th and that it's less than a month away ... huh?? I guess that's in GH time, where you can wear the same skirt for a week and it's not considered a fashion faux pas.

Spinelli and Maxie are just too cute ... so happy they're showing a lot of these two again. And love how Maxie is becoming the Carly to Spinelli's Stone Cold ... although does this mean that "Spaxie" are destined for only friendship too?

So the fall out from the Nadine-Nikolas lip lock was pretty much what I expected ... but they're definitely leaving the door open wide enough for something to potentially happen between these two in the (near?) future. I might have to stop watching if that happens. Not that I think Claudia is the only option for Nikolas, but Nadine is not an option, period. I'm not even sure why she's on the show. She makes Lulu seem enjoyable to watch. OK, I'll try to stop bitching about Nadine now.

Speaking of Lulu, I doubt she'd be too pleased if she knew Pugsly was on the phone telling Wednesday all about her hallucinations behind her back.

Friday, 8/1/08: Lulu Makes Sense, Hell May Freeze Over as a Result

It was a rare moment on GH on Friday ... Lulu actually made sense! No really, I swear. It was a fleeting moment, but she didn't sound like her usual blathering, nonsensical self. She warned Johnny that Lourdes will turn on him once she realizes that her feelings for him are unrequited ... and Lulu's absolutely right. Lourdes is playing too hard for Johnny's affections not to eventually feel burned, especially with Johnny doing a good job of leading her on right now. (I can't quite figure out if Johnny truly is interested in Lourdes to a degree, made even subconsciously, or if he's just being extra nice to her because of what his family did to her father or because she knew his beloved Prof. Seigel ... ) I'm interested to see how it all plays out. And of course I'm enjoying Lourdes pissing Lulu off in the process!

I know I've already complained a lot about this whole counterfeit drug plot, but it's only getting worse now that the storyline is moving more to the forefront. I found myself struggling to sit through much of Friday's episode ... I was completely bored. And with so many strong, interesting characters on this show, why in the world is Nadine getting so much screen time?! I find absolutely nothing interesting, exciting or endearing about this girl. Her personality is grating (no, the Aunt Raylene-isms are neither cute nor charming), and she brings nothing to the scenes she's in. If the GH writers actually pursue this coupling with Nikolas, it'll be a complete waste of his character -- and the viewers' time.

I'm not sure if Spinelli was just being dramatic or trying to emulate his mentor Stone Cold when he told Maxie that he would need to distance himself from her for her own good ... but I think it's a shame that GH has significantly decreased Maxie and Spinelli's screen time together in recent weeks. These two were a very cute, entertaining couple, and it seems like viewers really took to them. So why won't GH make these two a bonafide couple? I'm sure part of the reason for distancing the two characters is to further set up Matt Hunter as a love interest for Maxie (eye roll). So I guess we'll watch those two fight over things like garage openers and baloney until they eventually realize they're attracted to each other and end up sleeping together. Can't wait.

Thursday, 7/17/08: Worst. Cover-up. Ever.

I was plagued by computer problems all last night, but thank goodness my TV hasn't stopped working ... lots going on at the Hospital these days. For instance, what in the world is Loo Looo doing walking into the PCPD with a gun?! She's been so incredibly annoying lately, frankly I don't even care what she does. You mean to tell me Johnny isn't having any second thoughts about taking the fall for this girl after she comes screeching into his "office" (ie, the interrogation room)?! Eee gads ... I'd ask them to put me back in my cell if the alternative was listening to that shreaky nonsense. BTW, since when does an inmate get to set up shop in the interrogation room of a police station and entertain a steady stream of visitors? Why doesn't Uncle Mac stock it with cocktails and hors d'vours too?

But if there's any upside to the Johnny and Loo Looo train wreck ... it's that Johnny is really, really hot.

So can no one keep a secret in Port Charles? On one hand, I see that Spinelli was concerned about Maxie and therefore went to Stone Cold with her secret. On the other hand, I'm kinda pissed at him that he betrayed her trust. But now, all hell's breaking loose ... Jason is busting into Loo Looo's room to tell her that he knows she did it, Spin is confessing to Johnny that now he and Jason know, Maxie is running to Jason for help ... Geez people, just take an ad out in the Port Charles Gazette.

I can't say I'm interested in this whole counterfeit drug storyline. Especially with this Matt Hunter at the center of it all. Even with his attempts to look menacing with all that facial hair, he just comes off as a wimpy kid. And I just don't like him. He bores me.

Eli Love ... awful Australian accent. And really, a little too old and weathered in the face to be worrying about dating a grandmother.

Wednesday, 7/9/08: "Re-Do" Is the New Booty Call

Carly coined a new phrase today that, considering my exes, hopefully I'll never be using in regards to myself. In rationalizing to Jason why her limo sex with Sonny should not be considered cheating (unlike Jax's kiss with Kate), she said something like, "My having sex with Sonny was a 'go-back,' a 're-do.' Jax's kiss with Kate was brand-new." Even worse, I actually found myself nodding my head in agreement! Hey, the woman is persuasive if nothing else. But something tells me Jax and Kate wouldn't be as amused by The Re-Do as I was.

So Maxie and Lulu walk into Kelly's for no apparent reason. Fight. And then walk out. Yeah, everyone's going to buy that alibi.

As far as I can tell, Robin and Patrick are STILL having the exact same argument they've been having for months now. Must be easy on the GH writers to just repeat the same dialogue over and over and over. I can only hope a court of law orders Robin to shut up.

Tuesday, 7/8/08: Johnny's Girl, Where Can I Find a Woman Like That?

Well, better late than never right? It might have been AFTER Logan attacked Maxie, axed his way through Johnny's door and then Lulu plunged a butcher knife into his abdomen, but Lulu did think to call 911 afterall. Too bad though; by that point, Johnny and Maxie already had other ideas. It make sense though. I would think one of the perks of dating the mob would be quick and easy disposal of any dead bodies that may clutter up your path. Maybe Johnny can get her a cush job at a waste management facility next.

One catch though: Is Claudia really going to buy that Johnny's the one who killed Logan? Not that there's any love lost between those two guys, but I think it would be impossible to step into the middle of that scene and not smell a big ol' blonde rat. Should be interesting to see how Claudia reacts to it all.

Is there anything funnier than that paparazzi photo of Kate's head in Jax's lap?! Oh, it's just downright hysterical ... it warrants at least a two-page spread in Crimson. Get Maha Chang on the line. And I just love watching Carly fly off the handle, bitching at Jason, bitching at Sonny, bitching at Jax. Pure entertainment.

Oh yeah, and Noah Drake returned to GH today.

Monday, 7/7/08: Lulu Thinks 911 Is a Joke

Whoa! So Scotty's Iraq war vet son turned mob bodyguard/wheelchair pusher turned insane stalker Logan Hayes continued to wreak havoc on Port Chuck today. In my last post, I questioned why Lulu didn't immediately run for a phone when she saw Logan attacking Maxie. Well, she finally did run for the phone at the beginning of today's episode ... only to call Lucky, who didn't answer (btw, can't you just picture Lucky on the other end looking at his phone thinking, "oh God, I just can't listen to her right now!") and Maxie of all people, who was laying unconscious on the floor of the Crimson offices! Um, if you had your co-worker lying unconscious and the man who attacked her on his way after you, wouldn't you think to call 911?! When the crazy man starts taking an axe to the door, even then you don't call 911?! I just couldn't wrap my head around it. Lulu still could have had plenty of time to shove a knife through Logan's stomach before Uncle Mac showed up.

In the midst of all that lunacy, the deep, dark Zacchara secret was being revealed that Claudia had seduced Trevor as a teenager so her father would catch the two of them in the act and realize that Trevor was not to be trusted. But the only thing Claudia got for her efforts was a one-way ticket to Milan. It was nice to see a different, more vulnerable side to Claudia throughout the exchange with her father, and while I realize she left the conversation in a bad place ... she storms over to Sonny's and starts taking her clothes off? The funny thing is, Sonny actually looked interested. I'm sure by tomorrow though, we'll suffer through yet another man calling Claudia a whore/tramp/(insert misogynistic term here) and throwing her out on her mini skirt-clad behind.

Ok, the paparazzi opening the door of Kate and Jax's limo and finding Kate with her head in Jax's lap ... priceless. I don't know what's more hilarious ... their compromising position or the fact that paparazzi want Kate's picture.

As much as I love when Carly rails on Kate, it was pretty funny when Jason countered her bitching about Kate kissing Jax with the fact that Carly had sex with Sonny.

Thursday, 7/3/08: Logan Hayes Turns Psycho

Whoa, so I totally didn't see the Logan storyline taking the turn that it did on Thursday. I haven't read any GH spoilers in awhile, or maybe I wouldn't have written off the "Logan is still obsessed with Lulu" plot line as anything more than a precursor to his mob-related death. I definitely didn't expect him to go all psycho on Lulu and Maxie. One question: Didn't it seem like Lulu stared at Logan attacking Maxie just a little too long? Why wasn't she running for a phone to call 911?! Was she in shock? Maxie could have been raped or killed in the time that Lulu was just staring at the window!

Also, I'm surprised that all of a sudden Logan is focusing all of his anger and resentment over his failed relationship with Lulu on Maxie. He hasn't been a big fan of Maxie's for quite awhile, but he usually reserves his Lulu bitterness for Johnny. Maybe he realized it was going to be a lot easier to pick on a 95-pound woman than the Prince of Darkness.

Love that Carly is putting Spinelli to work to dig up some dirt on Kate. Wonder if he'll uncover Kate's true identity?

Speaking of Spinelli, I was disappointed that Diane discouraged him from taking a legit job at Jax's firm. Regardless of Jax's motives (although I think it's a little far-fetched to "get back" at Jason for his connection with Carly by taking Spinelli away from him), wouldn't Diane like to see the Jackal go legit and excel at a "real" job?

Friday, 6/18/08: Next on General Hospital, Max Dresses as a Circus Clown

Today was a bit of a dull day around the Hospital, especially for a Friday. Big ol' Max in a fisherman's hat isn't exactly my way of escaping in front of the television after a long work week.

Speaking of, while I appreciate Max's kind guesture to take Sonny away during Father's Day weekend ... Sonny? In the woods? Really?? The man lounges around his house in a full suit, do you really think he's going to be sitting in a canoe casting a line in pinstripes? I think if GH really wanted to show that Sonny is conflicted, depressed, that retirement's getting to him, they should have him walking around all sloppy in sweatpants and a t-shirt, hair un-moussed, maybe some stubble ... would love to see him stumble into the Crimson offices like that.

And while I realize reality is a bit askew in the soap opera world, what are the chances that the same woman who Sam (aka Cindy) did wrong sometime in the past is now hanging with Luke Spencer in Mexico? I'm even willing to let it go that none of the people in GH's Mexico have Mexican accents, but come on now .... my imagination only stretches so far. I have to say, I was somewhat excited when I learned that Sam and Lucky would be going on this adventure together to Mexico ... I really thought they both deserved more screen time than they had been getting. But now that the storyline is under way ... bleh. There's just no chemistry between these two. I kept hoping Luke would show up to at least provide some comic relief, even though I know Tony Geary's safely tucked away in Amsterdam until the fall.

Speaking of chemistry, the only thing that really did grab my attention on Friday was seeing Nikolas and Claudia interact again ... I really hope GH continues to move forward with this pairing. And seeing them together made it even more apparent what a snoozefest Nadine really is.

Friday 6/6/08: Shut Your Mouth Lulu

Carly telling Lulu to "shut your mouth" on Thursday truly was bittersweet. Sweet because someone finally said what we've all been thinking; bitter because it seemed like it only made Lulu talk more. On Friday, she became SuperLulu, able to mediate mob wars, protect her grieving brother, clock in a few minutes at Crimson, and make it back to her and Johnny's love shack all in a single bound. Careful Lu, keep up this yapping and poor Johnny's going to reach around that shack for the closest pair of garden shears and chop his own ears off. "Anything to make her stop!!!!"

And while I love that Maxie dared to suggest that the daytime Devil Wears Prada, Miss Kate, might actually be wrong ... I don't think she actually was in this case. I agree that Spinelli is a good-hearted guy, but in what place of business would he be allowed to drop in at will, socialize with the staff, and disrupt the normal flow of business? Why haven't any of Spinelli's many "mentors" suggested that he might have better luck with his fair Maximista if he wasn't always hounding the poor girl at work?!

Speaking of good-hearted Spinelli, Sonny's "freak boy" tirade was particularly disturbing. Bad enough he shoved his head against a post not too long ago. I realize Sonny's suppose to be the tough mob guy who can't tolerate the eccentric kid, but come on, this is like fifth-grade-level bullying. Can someone (um, yeah, that would mean you Jason) intervene on Spinelli's behalf, and put an end to this creepy and unnecessary dynamic?