Wednesday, 9/3/08: Fastest Trial in History

Amazing. GH will drag out a storyline like the monotonous back and forth between Patrick and Robin for months and months ("I wanna be a part of the baby's life." "No." "I want to move in with you." "No." "I want to marry you." "No.") yet Johnny Zacchara is about to get the fastest trial in the history of the U.S. legal system. Jury selection and the start of the trial all in one day? We should have a verdict by end of episode tomorrow. Let's hope they at least give Epiphany enough time to close the deal with that fellow juror.

Nice use of Coleman the Bartender (who even knew that was his name?) with his freestyle "C. Diddy" rap. Apparently it's very gangsta in Coleman's bar. If you remember, this is where Robin and Patrick had the "your baby momma momma" fight.

So both Clarisse and Diane are gunning for Kate to tell her about the Sonny-Carly limo sex ... but will they actually do it? From everything I've read, there IS a Sonny and Kate wedding, and I can't imagine Kate still marrying him after learning of that betrayal. And I haven't read any spoilers lately, so should be interesting to see how that all plays out.

So is Laura (the awake Laura at least) real or just a Lulu hallucination? I hope the former, but it seems a little odd that neither Nikolas or Lucky have dropped in on Shady Brook while Laura and Lulu are bonding. Then again, wouldn't be the first time a GH storyline didn't exactly make sense. At least I hope we've seen the last of Dead Logan ... dude freaked me out.

Wednesday, 8/27/08: Ooohhh, Kate's in Trouble

So totally didn't see the whole Jax calling out Kate for framing Carly coming. I say it's about time the man stood up for his wife and stopped siding with snooty-puss Kate. And about time that someone put Ms. Crimson in her place. Threatening to fire her from the magazine ... classic! Someone get Giselle on the line!

It took forever for GH to finally wrap up the tedious, annoying Robin-Patrick storyline where they just constantly bickered over whether or not Patrick would play a part in the baby's life ... Patrick would beg, Robin would be a whiny brat, Patrick would beg, Robin would be a whiny brat, and so on and so on ... well, now they've just recycled that so mind-numbing I fast-forwarded thru most of it storyline. Only now, Patrick is begging Robin to married him and ... surprise, surprise ... Robin is being a whiny brat. Sick of it. Although it was interesting to hear the Nightshift reference to Robert ... at least it explains why Anna and Robert are in the same town and not running into each other.

Monday, 8/18/08: Loo Looo's in the Loony Bin

I think GH was a little too intense for me today ... Lulu screaming in a straight jacket (a straight jacket?!), Johnny getting beaten down by the cops ... makes you long for those carefree days on Dr. Siegel's couch doesn't it? Speaking of Lunny's former digs ... does this mean we've seen the last of Sal and Lourdes? Something tells me at least dear Lourdes will find herself in Port Charles at some point ... Although Sal could provide some good muscle for Jason, what with his gang background and hatred for the Zaccharas.

Kate was so annoying today I could barely stand it ... have they turned her into a complete whining, selfish, bratty bridezilla or what?! Amazing that Sonny can't resist the lures of the mob, but he finds it very easy to resist other woman, such as Sasha the Russian lady, even with that annoying, nagging Kate in his ear every two seconds. Then again, stick Carly in the back of a limo and the man loses all resolve.

Meanwhile, what in the world is Carly up to with creepy Karpov? How far does she plan to take this whole thing? Is she going to kiss Karpov? Sleep with him? He doesn't seem like the kind of guy you can easily brush off with the "I have a headache" excuse, or "I don't do that on the first date."

Claudia slapping Scott Baldwin ... good stuff.

BTW, I watched a rerun of The Profiler over the weekend and the psycho of the week was none other than a much younger looking Anthony Zacchara. He sure does crazy well!

Thursday, 8/14/08: Alexis Is a Mess

Seriously, is there a bigger mess on this show than Alexis? Dating Jerry Jax should be enough to qualify her. Now, after all her frantic outbursts about needing Sonny to stay away from Christina ... she wants him to do "whatever he has to do" to protect her? So now it's okay if he makes the most of his mob tendencies in the name of their daughter? Hypocritical much?

Maxie is far from naive ... so how come she has no clue how Spinelli feels about her, or hasn't even considered the possibility? I know far-fetched is typical for GH, but still ... it's a cute relationship (one of my favorites on the show), but it certainly wouldn't suffer from a dose of realism.

Kate finally mentioned the "Olivia" again that she uttered in the hospital months ago after she was shot. It's her cousin. I mean, the woman is getting married in this big, splashy wedding ... no one has thought to question where her family is, if they're coming, who's walking her down the aisle??

Karpov must be reading this blog (or looking in the mirror) ... he's trying to tame the comb-over with a slicked-back look.

Monday, 8/11/08: Kate's Skirt Could Cover Your Leftovers

Can a new day please finally dawn on Port Charles so Kate can wear something other than that hideous tin-foil skirt? I haven't commented on Kate much lately because I figure it just goes without saying how irritating her whole bridezilla act is ... but that metallic skirt's been an eye sore for days now! Maybe when she takes it off, she can hold it under her chin and catch a nice sun tan.

BTW, Kate said the wedding is Sept. 26th and that it's less than a month away ... huh?? I guess that's in GH time, where you can wear the same skirt for a week and it's not considered a fashion faux pas.

Spinelli and Maxie are just too cute ... so happy they're showing a lot of these two again. And love how Maxie is becoming the Carly to Spinelli's Stone Cold ... although does this mean that "Spaxie" are destined for only friendship too?

So the fall out from the Nadine-Nikolas lip lock was pretty much what I expected ... but they're definitely leaving the door open wide enough for something to potentially happen between these two in the (near?) future. I might have to stop watching if that happens. Not that I think Claudia is the only option for Nikolas, but Nadine is not an option, period. I'm not even sure why she's on the show. She makes Lulu seem enjoyable to watch. OK, I'll try to stop bitching about Nadine now.

Speaking of Lulu, I doubt she'd be too pleased if she knew Pugsly was on the phone telling Wednesday all about her hallucinations behind her back.

Thursday, 8/7/08: Karpov's Powers of Seduction

Aren't soap operas suppose to be about love and sex and FANTASY?! So when a powerful businessman is trying to seduce Carly with the promise of a warehouse full of diamonds and furs and sports cars, how do I get swept up in this fantasy when the man is as dog ugly and paunchy as Karpov?! (And no offense to the actor who plays Karpov, as I'm sure he's quite a lovely man in real life.) I mean, of course I don't expect the aging Russian mobster to look like Brad Pitt, but please people, give me something to work with here ... maybe like a Vincent D'Onofrio type from Law & Order: Criminal Intent. But seriously folks, not only is he hard on the eyes, but he's spouting off lines like "I lived in, what you say in America, zee projects" and "I like you more and more as time passes, even though I've only known you for 15 minutes" and "I WANT YOUR GRATITUDE AS A WOMAN"?! At least GH is consistent in making almost every male character on the show misogynistic. Pretty slick of Ms. Carly to nab his PDA though ... that is what you call in America zee pick-pock-et.

Speaking of turn-offs ... soooo don't want to hear about Kate's physical aching in Paris. BTW, Sonny is setting her up for one heck of a fall, isn't he?

What in the world was Jerry Jax babbling about? Snoozefest.

How awesome is Dead Logan? Is that a knife in your stomach or are you just happy to see me? I really felt his pain while he was banging on those piano keys.

Tuesday, 8/5/08: The Bitch Is Back

We got a little taste of her yesterday, but it was great to see Bitchy Carly return in full force today. For the last couple weeks, I couldn't believe that she would actually let Kate get away with threatening her marriage to Jax, and sure enough, Carly very much has plans for revenge. However, I was shocked that she would actually suggest to Jason that he eliminate Sonny ... maybe she knows by now, much like the viewers, that the many threats against the lives of Sonny, Jason, etc., never really do pan out.

If Kate was clever, she should have snuck a photo of Carly in that tie-dye dress and run it in Crimson under "fashion don't" with one of those black bars over Carly's eyes.

Something must be in the water because I actually enjoyed watching Lulu's scenes today with Laura (aka, the back of that blonde woman's head who's obviously not Genie Francis). What's next? Hoping they show more of Robin's video blog?! Seriously though, it made me even more anxious for Laura's return ... which I don't think is for a couple more weeks.

Boy, Lourdes didn't waste any time taking advantage of Lulu's absence, suggesting that she and Johnny run away together. I knew Lourdes looked younger, but I'm wondering just how young she is. I was assuming around 19, but Johnny mentioned her being a minor today. So that must mean she's more like 16 or 17?!

Nadine ... ugh. Maybe now that Lulu isn't getting on my nerves quite as much, I can use the energy to compalin about Nadine every day. Really, does anyone like this character?!

Monday, 8/4/08: Carly Puts Kate on Notice

I'm not quite sure what was up with her tie-dye dress, but I did like how Carly finally called out Kate today for setting her up and screwing with her marriage to Jax. I love when these two cat fight ... as long as Carly wins of course!

Okay, Scary Dead Logan actually freaked me out! I had heard that the actor who played Logan would be back to film some "from the grave" scenes, but I thought he'd at least have some lines! Well, I guess you really can't top "you'll never get over me" as parting words for the woman who plunged a knife in your stomach. Speaking of, did Lulu actually take Johnny's money and run?! Where did she go? And will Johnny go after her?! Oh, of course he will. They can't keep Lunny apart for long!

So couldn't Nadine have made a run for the window when Matt went into the bathroom to change into his towel? And what happened to his four-hour surgery? Oh, who am I kidding, I really don't care.

Monday, 7/21/08: Dr. Hunter Proves the "Coupon Joke" Still a Great First-Date Ice Breaker

Poor Carly. I know she's done far more devious things, but I just couldn't help but feel sorry for her when bitchy ol' Kate set her up today. Wonder how Carly's going to retaliate ... although right now she seems far more concerned with trying to keep Jax from walking out the door.

We've been seeing a lot more of Nikolas and Nadine lately, especially with this counterfeit drug storyline ramping up. Nadine is nice and all, but after seeing Nikolas with Claudia (when are they going to reunite those two?!) it's obvious how much Nik and Nadine lack chemistry. YAWN. I actually enjoyed seeing Nadine and Dr. Hunter together much more ... what can I say, he won me over with the "I had a coupon" joke :)

Of course, the Lulu-Johnny insanity from Friday spilled over into today. I love how the PCPD is trying to figure out who "smuggled" the gun into the police station. I don't think you can really call it smuggling when someone just walks into the station with their hand shoved in their purse and no one even gives them a second look. At least the writers gave one character some sense ... Nikolas was able to figure out what the rest of the PCPD, including Lulu's brother, could not -- that Lulu was in on the escape and not a defenseless hostage.

So Johnny confessed his love to Lulu today. I'll tell ya, nothing more romantic than summer love, a young couple on the run ... I'd be very into these two if I could actually stand shrieky, grating, childish Loo Looo. But even though he doesn't look quite as good in a tight shirt, I'd take Maxie and Spinelli over these two any day.

How can Sonny really consider himself retired when he's providing "consulting" services to Comb-Over Karpov, the Russian Mobster? Seems like a slippery slope to me ...

Wednesday, 7/9/08: "Re-Do" Is the New Booty Call

Carly coined a new phrase today that, considering my exes, hopefully I'll never be using in regards to myself. In rationalizing to Jason why her limo sex with Sonny should not be considered cheating (unlike Jax's kiss with Kate), she said something like, "My having sex with Sonny was a 'go-back,' a 're-do.' Jax's kiss with Kate was brand-new." Even worse, I actually found myself nodding my head in agreement! Hey, the woman is persuasive if nothing else. But something tells me Jax and Kate wouldn't be as amused by The Re-Do as I was.

So Maxie and Lulu walk into Kelly's for no apparent reason. Fight. And then walk out. Yeah, everyone's going to buy that alibi.

As far as I can tell, Robin and Patrick are STILL having the exact same argument they've been having for months now. Must be easy on the GH writers to just repeat the same dialogue over and over and over. I can only hope a court of law orders Robin to shut up.

Tuesday, 7/8/08: Johnny's Girl, Where Can I Find a Woman Like That?

Well, better late than never right? It might have been AFTER Logan attacked Maxie, axed his way through Johnny's door and then Lulu plunged a butcher knife into his abdomen, but Lulu did think to call 911 afterall. Too bad though; by that point, Johnny and Maxie already had other ideas. It make sense though. I would think one of the perks of dating the mob would be quick and easy disposal of any dead bodies that may clutter up your path. Maybe Johnny can get her a cush job at a waste management facility next.

One catch though: Is Claudia really going to buy that Johnny's the one who killed Logan? Not that there's any love lost between those two guys, but I think it would be impossible to step into the middle of that scene and not smell a big ol' blonde rat. Should be interesting to see how Claudia reacts to it all.

Is there anything funnier than that paparazzi photo of Kate's head in Jax's lap?! Oh, it's just downright hysterical ... it warrants at least a two-page spread in Crimson. Get Maha Chang on the line. And I just love watching Carly fly off the handle, bitching at Jason, bitching at Sonny, bitching at Jax. Pure entertainment.

Oh yeah, and Noah Drake returned to GH today.

Monday, 7/7/08: Lulu Thinks 911 Is a Joke

Whoa! So Scotty's Iraq war vet son turned mob bodyguard/wheelchair pusher turned insane stalker Logan Hayes continued to wreak havoc on Port Chuck today. In my last post, I questioned why Lulu didn't immediately run for a phone when she saw Logan attacking Maxie. Well, she finally did run for the phone at the beginning of today's episode ... only to call Lucky, who didn't answer (btw, can't you just picture Lucky on the other end looking at his phone thinking, "oh God, I just can't listen to her right now!") and Maxie of all people, who was laying unconscious on the floor of the Crimson offices! Um, if you had your co-worker lying unconscious and the man who attacked her on his way after you, wouldn't you think to call 911?! When the crazy man starts taking an axe to the door, even then you don't call 911?! I just couldn't wrap my head around it. Lulu still could have had plenty of time to shove a knife through Logan's stomach before Uncle Mac showed up.

In the midst of all that lunacy, the deep, dark Zacchara secret was being revealed that Claudia had seduced Trevor as a teenager so her father would catch the two of them in the act and realize that Trevor was not to be trusted. But the only thing Claudia got for her efforts was a one-way ticket to Milan. It was nice to see a different, more vulnerable side to Claudia throughout the exchange with her father, and while I realize she left the conversation in a bad place ... she storms over to Sonny's and starts taking her clothes off? The funny thing is, Sonny actually looked interested. I'm sure by tomorrow though, we'll suffer through yet another man calling Claudia a whore/tramp/(insert misogynistic term here) and throwing her out on her mini skirt-clad behind.

Ok, the paparazzi opening the door of Kate and Jax's limo and finding Kate with her head in Jax's lap ... priceless. I don't know what's more hilarious ... their compromising position or the fact that paparazzi want Kate's picture.

As much as I love when Carly rails on Kate, it was pretty funny when Jason countered her bitching about Kate kissing Jax with the fact that Carly had sex with Sonny.

Wednesday, 7/1/08: General Hospital Leaves This Blogger Uninspired

So far this week, there hasn't been any previews for the next General Hospital at the end of the episode. They've been showing All My Children previews instead. What's up with that?!

Even though a lot seemingly went on today, it all was rather dull to me. Nothing really stood out as interesting or controversial. I am curious to see if Claudia will be honest with Johnny and tell him that Nikolas also knows about their involvement in Michael's shooting, but we'll have to wait til tomorrow (hopefully) to find out if she spills. For some reason, I don't think she's going to tell him.

Is it just me, or does Rick seem really not concerned that lunatic Anthony threatened Christina, given that her sister is his daughter Molly and he considers Christina "one of his own"? How can you stomach being in bed, so to speak, with a man who just threatened your daughter's sister? No matter how empty you think that threat may be? Even suggesting you'll drown a little girl at her day camp makes me sick to my stomach.

I did enjoy Carly's visit to Kate today ... I just love how bitchy and catty these two get over Sonny... well, as long as Carly has the upper hand. Kate just tends to annoy me with her overdone "I'm a New York City fashion editor" persona ... listening to her order around Maxie and Lulu is like nails on a chalkboard. It is amazing that in all these years, the only woman Sonny has actually married other than Lily (which didn't occur onscreen) is Carly.

Wednesday, 6/18/08: Alexis "Rides the Untamed Horse"

I remember an episode of Seinfeld where George realized that the more he abstained from sex, the more intelligent he became. And conversely, the more sex he had, the dumber he became. Apparently, Alexis has fallen prey to the same fate. One night after succumbing to the ... umm ... charms? ... of Jerry Jax, all GH's "role model" of a smart, successful, independent woman could do was shrug her shoulders and eek out, "but I have bad taste in men?" This is your portrayal of a strong woman General Hospital? Shame on you. At least those around her were quick to point out her hypocrisy, especially Nikolas. If my aunt slept with the man who poisoned me, I think I'd be a little pissed too.

It was especially hypocritical after her tirade yesterday against Carly and Sonny. Sonny is a detriment to your child, but Jerry Jax, who we're often reminded is a homicidal maniac, and the father of your other daughter, who just happens to be working for the Zaccharas, will keep everybody safe and warm?

Don't you really wish Carly would throw snooty ol' Kate right out of her hotel lobby?

Wednesday, 6/11/08: Should I Sleep With Sonny ... This Week?

Funny that Carly spent so much time today contemplating whether or not she should sleep with Sonny ... I mean, considering she JUST slept with Sonny! All of the Sonny and Carly talk that's dominated the past two days caught me off guard ... but it did get me thinking. Will Sonny and Carly ever get back together? I don't know how Carly could ever justify the decision after claiming that staying away from Sonny is the only way to keep her children safe, but their long history and strong connection seem to always keep the possibility alive. Of course, we all see a Carly pregnancy coming a mile away (no way a soap would have a character sleep with two men on the same night and not capitalize on the potential repercussions!) and I just gotta bet the little one comes out of the womb with slicked back hair and a silk suit.

And was Carly right? Is Sonny only "the real Sonny" when he's with her? Of course, unlike Carly, we have the benefit of knowing Kate's true past with Sonny. Meanwhile, where are Connie Falconari's parents/family? Have they ever been addressed? If Kate Howard is so world-reknowned, no one's spotted a photo of her and thought, oh, there's my long-lost daughter/sister/cousin/etc?

From what I've read online and in soap magazines, it seems that viewers have really taken to Max and Diane. I don't get this one at all. I've always found Diane entertaining, but Max is just like a big, dumb block of wood. Which has served him well as Sonny's rarely verbal body guard. I'm just not seeing a different side to Max with Diane, and I'm not invested in these two at all. They're thisclose to getting fast-forwarded through.