We Interrupt Our Regularly Scheduled Program to Bring You ... Good Writing

There's nothing worse than an outdated blog, and mine has been growing stale for so long now, it might as well be covered in mold. While I'd like to tell you I've been busy traveling the world or doing something equally as exotic, the truth is ... well ... OK, I'll just say it: General Hospital has kinda sucked lately. And while I'm a long-time, loyal viewer who sticks by the show through good times and bad, the past several weeks have left me completely unentertained and uninspired. One week, I barely even watched any of the episodes, something that usually only happens if I'm away on vacation. But with so much good TV available to me on my overpriced cable package, I couldn't see carving out time to watch most of General Hospital fly by my screen on fast-forward.

There have been some glimmers of hope. I am a die-hard Sonny and Brenda fan from back in the 1990s, and while I have been mostly disappointed with how the writers have handled Brenda's return thus far, I absolutely loved S&B's scenes this past week in their old apartment. I've also enjoyed Lucky and Siobhan's scenes lately (is it just me, or does Lucky look sexier ever since he started gettin' some?) and I like watching Liz get her panties in a twist over it. And even though I thought it was absurd that Sam shipped Michael off to a hotel room with a woman who was willing to take money in exchange for having sex with a tortured 18-year-old virgin, I like the dynamic between Michael and Abby so far.

Sadly though, the General Hospital episodes that I've enjoyed the most in the past few months are the ones that have been repeats, from the Brenda-focused ones that replayed leading up to her return to this past Friday's Jason Morgan marathon on SoapNet. Yes, I'm sure some of the enjoyment of those episodes is the nostalgia factor--remembering when I first watched those stories play out, seeing characters that are no longer on the show, and seeing how those who still are on the show have changed over the years (skinny Jason! Luke with hair! when Nikolas was hot!)

Like Giving Candy to a Baby: Thoughts on Hooker-gate

After watching both Monday's and Tuesday's episodes of General Hospital last night, and following related conversations on Twitter, I had to include my two cents on the Michael-hooker story line. I'm not going to comment on the morality of prostitution—that's for you to decide—but I would like to comment on the quality of the storytelling.

Michael has been dealing with episodes of severe trauma since birth. In the last couple years alone, he has been shot in the head; miraculously woken up from a coma, but with serious brain damage; subsequently dealt with issues of rage that has resulted in verbal and physical violence; killed his stepmother; and been sent to prison. And yes, the prison rape that has not been formally mentioned, but that Jason seems well aware of. If anyone on God's green earth needs a therapist, is it not Michael? On a show that rushes women into Shadybrook on the reg, why has this child not even sat down with a counselor?

Even more perplexing, his loved ones lined up in court to plead with Judge Carroll to sentence Michael to "counseling and community service" instead of prison. When he was released from prison, he was given the community service as well as the added bonus of having to live with Dante and never seeing his father, Sonny. Um, where's the counseling, people?

I always joke that GH viewing requires one to check their grasp of reality at the door, but this "Michael wants a hooker" story line that is now playing out confounds me in all sorts of ways. First, after all the shouting of "He needs counseling, not prison!" why doesn't counseling now even cross Jason or Sam's minds? Sam did say that Michael's "not ready" to talk to a counselor ... yet he's ready for a paid sexual experience? I just don't understand how in a matter of two episodes, this poor, disturbed kid has been rushed into a hotel room by two influential adults in his life with an obviously much older stranger named Candy (er, Abigail) who has accepted money to have sex with him.

If counseling is somehow not in the realm of possibility, why didn't Sam or Jason suggest that perhaps Michael is not ready to be involved with girls on any level at this point in his life until he gets some kind of hold on his demons? I love Michael, and I sympathize with him--and I like this blonde friend of Kristina's that he's becoming involved with (I forget her name, so I'll call her Party Girl ... because "Party Girl Who Has a Friend Who DJs" was too long)--but it disturbs me that he's verbally attacked Party Girl at least twice now and yet they're still pursuing each other. I can't help but think that poor Party Girl shouldn't put up with a guy speaking to/yelling at her that way, regardless of his tragic back story. Oh, and when I last left Michael at the end of Tuesday's episode, he was physically attacking Candy-Abby. Attacking women is not the way one works through their issues, GH.

Also nonsensical ... Everyone is soooo worried that the least little thing will get Michael shipped back off to Pentonville. The last I checked, prostitution is illegal, and Port Charles is not Vegas or Amsterdam. So why didn't anyone mention to Michael that if he got caught paying for sex, he surely would get shipped back to Pentonville faster than Sonny dumped Claire Walsh? That seems to be a major flaw in the storytelling. God forbid you have a conversation with your father or you'll get sent back to prison, yet please feel free to engage in a blatantly illegal act.

So on today's GH ... Michael does an internship at a meth lab! I kid, but really ... would it make any less sense than what's been playing out these last two days?

What do you think? 

One for the (Stone) Ages

Stone 2010

 STONE!! He was only on for a minute or two at the end of today's episode, but I'm still freaking out like Brooklynn on a private jet to France. Honestly, I don't know if I can compose myself long enough to say anything other than ... STONE!!! I loved this character beyond words and even if he's only a vision at the bottom of a well, I am so flippin' happy he's back on GH. By the way, I barely recognized Stone 2010 without the long hair and denim vest ...

Stone 1993

While Robin is entertaining one very hot figment of her imagination down in that well, the rest of Port Charles is in a mad scramble to find her. Since when are Steve and Patrick experts in criminal psychology? Because they've taken it upon themselves to devise a little scheme to wear Lisa down enough that she'll spill where Robin is. It's a bit of a good cop-bad cop routine where Steve acts concerned for Robin and Patrick acts like she must have just taken off like she did when she had post-partum depression. Hmm. More like Keystone Cops.

Desperation Leads Brook and Lisa to Play With Pills

If there was a lesson in today's General Hospital, it's that desperate women and pharmaceuticals just don't mix. Brook, on the verge of a one-way ticket back to Bensonhurst and thisclose to cashing in big courtesy of Carly, continues to pump Dante with beer laced with pills as a sure way to get him into bed. Honestly, I was really uncomfortable watching this whole thing unfold, and if Coleman hadn't shown up when he did, I think I would have fast-forwarded through much of it. (I'm sorry, I simply cannot fast-forward through Coleman, no matter what kind of crazy is going on around him).

Welcome Hoe, Stone Cold!

Oh Spinelli, what has become of you? I really use to love this crazy kid, but the writers have made him very "one note" as of late. When he was still with Maxie, it was all about his inferiority complex. And now that Spixie are no more, it's all about his borderline creepy Stone Cold adoration. Take today for example--the squealing, the giggling, the jumping up and down when he received the news of Stone Cold's "loop hole departure" from Pentonville. Yes, I get that these two are BFFs, but what use to be a very endearing friendship that I very much enjoyed is now just odd and uncomfortable to watch. I joked on Twitter earlier that we may soon see Spinelli cutting up Jason and Sam's photos a la Lisa ... but it wouldn't be much of a stretch if it actually happened. I mean, did I mention the squealing ...

And the jumping ...

The Best Part of Waking Up Is Tasting Patrick on His Coffee Cup

Neither of the YouTube channels I use to watch General Hospital were updated today, so unfortunately, no screen shots from the episode (and boy, do I love my screen shots). But I do have a few thoughts on the episode to share, sans the visuals ...

First, thank goodness today was a little more exciting than yesterday. And trust me, compared to the sleep-inducing hour that was yesterday's episode, watching Mike flip pancakes at Kelly's would have been more exciting. But who needs Mike and pancakes when you have Lisa acting about eight shades of crazy? I have to say, the wackier she gets, the more entertained I become. And suddenly Googling men I'm interested in doesn't seem quite so stalkerish when you compare it to molesting someone's coffee cup. I mean, really ... "I can taste you on this cup"?! Hey Shadybrook ... "Incoming!" Dr. Lisa Niles is coming at you like a torpedo! Start changing the linens and getting a room ready.

Lockdown!

In the wake of the disappearance of Baby Aiden Cassadine--or Buzz, as Liz would like him to be called--General Hospital is put on emergency lockdown. No one can enter or exit the building, and everyone must clear the hallways. And surprise, surprise, the cop assigned to the case is none other than Lucky--also known by the nursing staff as that guy who was peering through the blinds into the delivery room during Buzzby's birth.

I Want to Go to a Concert in the Park With Lucky

If you're a regular reader of my blog, you already know that I adore Jonathan Jackson's Lucky. And after what the poor man endured at the hands of his fiance and brother, I want nothing more than the handsome cop to find himself a good woman. Right now, it seems as if both Claire and Maxie have captured Officer Hottie's attention. I know I just said in yesterday's recap how much I enjoyed Lucky and Claire's scenes together at the PCPD, but today's scenes with Lucky and Maxie gave those some serious competition.

The Love Doctor Is in at Casa de Stone Cold

Our favorite furloughed prisoner, Jason Morgan, was in high demand on today's General Hospital. Essentially in exchange for letting a wanted serial killer drop off some Chinese food and casually stroll out the door, Sam got a night of some hot lovin' with Pentonville's finest. Hmm, I wonder what's hotter ... "conjugal visit" sex or "I let a serial killer go just to be with you" sex. I'm assuming the latter since the reunited couple even had to banish roomie Spinelli out of the penthouse for the night.

The Countdown to Car Bomb Friday Is On

Today's episode laid a lot of groundwork for what is sure to be one heck of a "Cliffhanger Friday" tomorrow before the long holiday weekend--what with cars about to blow up and serial killer Franco lurking through the streets of Port Charles. Sonny gathered together Milo and Max at the restaurant to put the final touches on the Johnny car bomb plan. I love how Sonny emphasized to Milo and Max to make sure nothing can be traced back to him. The entire town knows Sonny wants Johnny dead more than anything. Even if police can't trace physical evidence back to Sonny, well, his emotionally scarred 17-year-old daughter who hates him is going to know, his estranged son who hates him is going to know, the mother of said estranged son who Sonny's been trying to woo back since she arrived in Port Charles is going to know ... and the list goes on. Sonny makes less sense than even the Port Charles legal system and medical system combined. Really Sonny, you don't need a crystal ball or a psychic to predict that the only thing blowing up worse than Johnny's car is this plan, right in your face.

Goodbye Luke, Hello Franco

Ah, the return of Franco. I've been looking forward to it for weeks now, although it didn't seem to have quite the same build-up as it did the last time around. Maybe it was just because "Mad World" didn't play on a continuous loop for weeks leading up to today. We actually saw a lot more of Franco on his first day back than I thought we would. In fact, he opened the show, in his now-standard homeless guy disguise. Since Franco is a man of only a few disguises, it might be wise at this point for the Port Charles PD to issue a statement to the town's residents: "If you see a hot, young homeless guy, he's most likely this world-famous artist/serial killer we've been searching for."

How Do You Solve a Problem Like Kristina?

Friday's episode started off right where Thursday's left off--with Sam in a tub full of bubbles trying to coax her man into some hanky panky telephone-style, even suggesting that she'd like to see him "all oiled up." But when she got to the part about her and Jason taking a Mediterranean cruise, I started to imagine Stone Cold in the buffet line or on the shuffle board court, and that kept me way more entertained than the couple's phone call. I did think it was sweet, though, when Sam said, "You can't stop me from my big dreams," and Jason replied, "I would never try." Ahhh. Under that extremely chiseled exterior, he really is just a big softie.

He just moved in, but something tells me that Johnny Z. is going to have to replace the carpeting in his penthouse doorway very soon given the amount of visitors that come in and out in a single episode. First through the door today was Kristina. After telling Jason just yesterday that the "Johnny Kristina Port Charles" revenge plot against Sonny "works for me," the Mob Prince suddenly changed his tune, telling Kristina that their pretend relationship has to end. In the meantime, Sonny gathered together Max and Milo to order a hit on Johnny. Hmm, I'm sure that brilliant plan will go off without a hitch. And good thing Sonny's flying so far under the radar on this one that no one would ever suspect that he would want Johnny dead.

While Johnny tried to figure out how you solve a problem like Kristina, there was an impromptu Bensonhurst reunion on the docks as Brook Lynn ran into Olivia gazing up at Johnny's penthouse. Olivia proceeded to give Brook a crash course in Zacchara history, and when she mentioned Johnny's past attempt to go legit, I had a flashback to that one winter where the poor guy was selling Christmas trees in an attempt to distance himself from his insane mob family. Legit Johnny was bittersweet ... he was adorable for trying, but you knew it would never last. Back to JOlivia, this couple never fails to strike an emotional cord with me. I'll admit to getting a little misty when Olivia told Brook Lynn, "That man is directly responsible for some of the happiest moments of my life." Aww. Of course, I think wine and handcuffs played a major role in a lot of those moments, but I don't judge.

Quite honestly, I actually thought something happened to my recording of this episode, and that it cut out part of the episode. Because one minute, Olivia was wistfully telling Brook that her and Johnny are over. And then the next minute, she's running into Johnny's place to make another happy moment. Huh? But oh, what the hell, I'd throw logic out the window too if this was waiting for me on the other side of that penthouse door:

Only one problem: Johnny was so caught off guard by Olivia's unexpected visit that he forgot to tie the sock around the doorknob to alert all potential visitors that he was getting busy inside ... and Kristina walks in on the couple right in the middle of some couch lovin' and Olivia telling Johnny that she was doing what no 17-year-old could possibly do. Amen to that, sister. BTW, does being a pretend girlfriend give you the privilege not to knock? Sheesh.

Elsewhere in The Chuckles: Kristina wasn't the only Corinthos kid to walk in on some spontaneous nookie today, as poor Michael interrupted Lante getting ready to make sweet love in the middle of his new home. Later, Michael shared some bonding time with new neighbor Brook Lynn, who offered ... what else? ... to cook for him sometime. And Carly and Jax shared a tender moment over a mutual agreement that Sonny should be out of their lives. And all I kept thinking was, "Hee hee, just wait til Brender shows back up in August and throws you two for one major-ass loop!"

Phone Sex Fails to Heat Up Stone Cold

So I just watched Thursday's episode of General Hospital tonight. Since I'm a day behind, my original plan was to do one post on both yesterday's and today's episodes ... but well, there's simply way to much going on in The Chuckles to just gloss over things like phone sex attempts and Mercedes contemplating a leave of absence as caretaker for all of Port Charles' children under 12. BTW, with all the children she's cared for, how has Mercedes never factored into a "cheating with the nanny" storyline? That seems like prime soap opera material, after all. At the very least, in a town where the single men obviously outnumber the single women, Mercedes could be well utilized as a potential love interest for, say, a Matt Hunter, or Milo, or even that Conan guy who waiters at Sonny's pretend restaurant.

Speaking of men outnumbering the women, how in the world did boring ol' Maya command the attention of all three Spencer men at one time? As I've said before, I really want to like her, but GH is doing everything it can to make sure that never happens. I did laugh though when Ethan asked her out for drinks and she replied, "We'll see how my day goes." Translation: "I'm not going anywhere in public with a man with that hideous half bun on the back of his head." Oh honey, you should have been here earlier when the eggs were served.

Back in Pentonville, Jason takes a break from all his many visitors--no, not to bang out license plates, but to make a personal phone call. Ah, the life of a prisoner. A very bubbly Sam (see what I did there?) answers the phone and, while perhaps well-intentioned, attempts to have phone sex with the most non-talkative, unemotional man on the planet. Save it for the conjugal visit room, Sam. God love him, but your man's a do-er, not a talker.

Luckily for Jason and Sam, GH has decided to twist the law into a pretzel once again and give Jason a free pass out of Pentonville. In order to lure out Franco, who's mailing out so many pics of dead bodies he's running out of postage stamps, Jason will be released from the big house and placed in the custody of ... who else? ... Dante Falconeri, patron saint of criminals and otherwise wayward souls. There's one catch, though: If Jason runs while on this special prison furlough, it's Dante who gets shipped to Pentonville to hang out in the visitation room all day and occasionally make dirty phone calls. Now, if I were Jason, and seeing as how he kinda sorta hates Dante for being a traitor to the organization and getting Michael sent to prison, I might just grab Sam out of the bubble bath and head for The Island, just to see the Falc-ster get thrown behind bars. But I have a sneaking suspicion Franco will take precedence over any Dante revenge schemes.

Speaking of Franco, he returns to Port Chuck in just a few days. Are you guys excited to have him back?

Dante Orchestrates Michael's Release, Must Wear Fewer Gold Chains as Part of Deal

Wow, I'm still wrapping my head around yesterday's episode. I have to say, I wasn't initially looking forward to seeing the "Johnny Kristina Port Charles" (and special thanks to my blog follower PartyAtJakes for getting that movie reference) storyline play out, but it already has made for some amazing television, especially the scenes involving Johnny and Olivia.


As I said earlier this week, JOlivia is one of the most authentic couples on the show--funny considering I thought they only started out as a gimmick ("hey, let's do the whole cougar/MILF thing!"). And I really felt for both of them on Friday. Johnny's singular motivation is to bring down Sonny and avenge his sister, even if it means, as Olivia pointed out, using a 17-year-old abuse victim. Johnny should have never even pretended to cross that line.

On the other hand, it was difficult to see this couple moving forward in light of Olivia's feelings for Sonny (remember Olivia and Sonny making out over a pot of chili in the kitchen at Kelly's?). Loved the scenes with Johnny pouring his heart out to new best bud, Ethan (by the way, has Ethan actually moved into his pretend apartment?! He's there more than Johnny). "Olivia and I don't love each the same way," the mob prince told Ethan and his ever-present pocket chain. "She has all of my heart ... and I only have the piece of hers that doesn't belong to Sonny." Sad, but true, Johnny Z. Sad, but true.


By the way, how could Kristina actually say to Ethan, "I hadn't really thought about it like that--that someone could die." Uh, it's Sonny Corinthos, my dear. Someone always dies. Isn't that why you threw Ethan under the bus in the first place? Because you thought Daddy would kill Keifer if he knew the truth? Did you really think he was going to decompress from his daughter sleeping with his arch enemy with a glass of warm chamomile and a long bath?

To add a little levity and humor to such a heavy, emotional episode, we cut to Jason and Claire Walsh discussing serial killer Franco. Normally, a conversation about a serial killer wouldn't be light and funny, but this is The Chuckles after all. "I'm not like Franco," the hit man proclaimed to Claire. "No, you're a headcase of a different sort," the prosecutor quipped back. Hee hee. She's got a point there, Jason Morgue-an.

I am always baffled by how General Hospital portrays our legal system, but the logic of this latest plot twist truly escapes me. I'm not a lawyer, so maybe this could conceivable happen in real life ... but I'm skeptical. So Judge Carroll has suddenly released Michael from his prison sentence based on a conversation he has with a cop who happens to be the prisoner's half-brother. No lawyers present, no nothing. Just good ol' Dante and Judge Carroll working out a deal:

"OK, OK, we'll give Michael the counseling and community service everyone's been begging for. But he must live with you, Dante, in your tiny studio apartment that doesn't seem to have a door bell. Or a lock. And he can't see Sonny! Oh, and one more thing ... "

"Anything, Judge Carroll. I'll do anything for my bruth-er."

"Cut the number of gold chains you wear per day down to four!"

Convoluted or not, it was good to see Michael out of a prison uniform and back home in Port Chuck. Even baby Josselyn showed up for the occasion:

Sonny Will Hate It More Than God Hates Sin

No, not a pair of khakis and a polo shirt. Of course, we're talking about Kristina's master plan to feign a little somethin' somethin' between herself and Port Chuck's hot mob prince, Johnny Zacchara--just the mere thought of which would send Sonny screaming right out of his silk suit. Johnny's not biting for now, but something tells me (and no, not just the spoilers I read) that we haven't heard the last of this convoluted scheme. I'm surprised Johnny didn't bring up Olivia as one of the many reasons for not playing Kristina's reindeer games. For a man so deeply in love, you would think not pissing off your hot-blooded girlfriend would be top on your list of priorities. Hey Johnny, I think someone once mentioned she's from Bensonhurst, and we hear the broads are pretty tough around there.

Speaking of Sonny, why so much screen time for him and Claire Walsh? Are we really going to go through the whole Sonny seduces the prosecutor storyline yet again? I really enjoyed Claire's scenes with Lucky a few weeks ago, and was hoping the show would continue to build on that obvious chemistry. Although I guess Claire can't exactly make cute with Lucky while he's busy wreaking havoc (and yes, I do mean that bad Irish accent) all across Greece. If Jonathan Jackson doesn't get an Emmy for managing to tear up in nearly every scene he performs, then there's no justice in this bloody world. And can someone please tell me what shade of lipstick he wears? I'm convinced it will go perfect with my skin coloring.


Yes, it was sorta cute that Emmy award winner Julie Berman's character Lulu told Dante that she was giving him an Emmy winning performance. But Emmy caliber or not, could the Lante show take a hiatus before I will Lulu and her towel to, oops, plummet right down the elevator shaft?

Enjoyed the banter between Carly and Patrick. If Kristina hadn't already delivered that "my dad will hate it more than God hates sin" gem, Carly would have walked off with the line of the day for claiming that Lisa's affections for Patrick were so obvious "she might as well be wearing a sandwich board." Not to mention how she then went on to accuse Patrick of picturing Lisa nekkid under said sandwich board.

The violent fighting--and ultimately murder--scene between Jason and Carter was disturbing to say the least on Friday, and Carter's deathbed (shower floor?) message from Franco gave me quite a chill. I haven't read anything about what happens to Jason as a result of Carter's death, so I'm watching and waiting along with the rest of you who refuse to be spoiled. But with the warden confronting Jason at the end of today's episode, something is about to go down. I don't understand, could the warden/prison guards actually have found the bloody clothes Jason masterfully hid underneath his cot? Why, that's the last place anyone would look!