While Emma Is Found, All Common Sense Is Lost

"No, I'm not attempting to breastfeed. I just figured showing three quarters of my boob might take some of the sting out of me kidnapping your daughter."

Just when you think Lisa's ramped up the crazy as far as it can go, she pulls yet another about-to-be-boiled rabbit out of her hat. As we learned on Friday, Patrick and Robin come home to find that Lisa stopped by to pick up Emma for ice cream ... and well, the nanny let her. While I'm glad poor, tired, overworked Mercedes is no longer caring for every child in Port Charles under the age of 18, I can't help but think this would have never happened on her watch.

You're no Mercedes, sweetheart. Oh, and you're fired.

Almost as unsettling as Lisa taking Patrick and Robin's child--and the nanny letting her--was the emergency response that followed. Patrick and Robin waste precious time arguing over whether to call the cops or search for Emma themselves. Um, your cell phone ... it's portable. So you can do both. And why wouldn't you call the cops immediately if a woman has taken your child without your permission? Especially a woman who you have recently had issues with?

The Buzz About Aiden Alexisomething Cassadine

So are they really going to call this kid Buzz? Because for the record, I'm not on board with that. Regardless, much to my boredom, little Buzzby dominated today's episode as we led up to his much anticipated, well, buzz-napping. (OK, I'll stop now. Or, at least, I'll try.)

While Fireworks May Have Exploded in Your Town, Bombs Exploded in Port Charles

While the rest of us were thinking about time off from work, BBQs with family and friends, and other 4th of July festivities, the residents of Port Charles had much more explosive issues on their minds than breaking out their lawn chairs for the local fireworks display. Kristina set out to put her mother of all daddy issues revenge plot into motion, arriving at Johnny's penthouse while the mob prince and Olivia were mid-Merlot.

The Countdown to Car Bomb Friday Is On

Today's episode laid a lot of groundwork for what is sure to be one heck of a "Cliffhanger Friday" tomorrow before the long holiday weekend--what with cars about to blow up and serial killer Franco lurking through the streets of Port Charles. Sonny gathered together Milo and Max at the restaurant to put the final touches on the Johnny car bomb plan. I love how Sonny emphasized to Milo and Max to make sure nothing can be traced back to him. The entire town knows Sonny wants Johnny dead more than anything. Even if police can't trace physical evidence back to Sonny, well, his emotionally scarred 17-year-old daughter who hates him is going to know, his estranged son who hates him is going to know, the mother of said estranged son who Sonny's been trying to woo back since she arrived in Port Charles is going to know ... and the list goes on. Sonny makes less sense than even the Port Charles legal system and medical system combined. Really Sonny, you don't need a crystal ball or a psychic to predict that the only thing blowing up worse than Johnny's car is this plan, right in your face.

How Do You Solve a Problem Like Kristina?

Friday's episode started off right where Thursday's left off--with Sam in a tub full of bubbles trying to coax her man into some hanky panky telephone-style, even suggesting that she'd like to see him "all oiled up." But when she got to the part about her and Jason taking a Mediterranean cruise, I started to imagine Stone Cold in the buffet line or on the shuffle board court, and that kept me way more entertained than the couple's phone call. I did think it was sweet, though, when Sam said, "You can't stop me from my big dreams," and Jason replied, "I would never try." Ahhh. Under that extremely chiseled exterior, he really is just a big softie.

He just moved in, but something tells me that Johnny Z. is going to have to replace the carpeting in his penthouse doorway very soon given the amount of visitors that come in and out in a single episode. First through the door today was Kristina. After telling Jason just yesterday that the "Johnny Kristina Port Charles" revenge plot against Sonny "works for me," the Mob Prince suddenly changed his tune, telling Kristina that their pretend relationship has to end. In the meantime, Sonny gathered together Max and Milo to order a hit on Johnny. Hmm, I'm sure that brilliant plan will go off without a hitch. And good thing Sonny's flying so far under the radar on this one that no one would ever suspect that he would want Johnny dead.

While Johnny tried to figure out how you solve a problem like Kristina, there was an impromptu Bensonhurst reunion on the docks as Brook Lynn ran into Olivia gazing up at Johnny's penthouse. Olivia proceeded to give Brook a crash course in Zacchara history, and when she mentioned Johnny's past attempt to go legit, I had a flashback to that one winter where the poor guy was selling Christmas trees in an attempt to distance himself from his insane mob family. Legit Johnny was bittersweet ... he was adorable for trying, but you knew it would never last. Back to JOlivia, this couple never fails to strike an emotional cord with me. I'll admit to getting a little misty when Olivia told Brook Lynn, "That man is directly responsible for some of the happiest moments of my life." Aww. Of course, I think wine and handcuffs played a major role in a lot of those moments, but I don't judge.

Quite honestly, I actually thought something happened to my recording of this episode, and that it cut out part of the episode. Because one minute, Olivia was wistfully telling Brook that her and Johnny are over. And then the next minute, she's running into Johnny's place to make another happy moment. Huh? But oh, what the hell, I'd throw logic out the window too if this was waiting for me on the other side of that penthouse door:

Only one problem: Johnny was so caught off guard by Olivia's unexpected visit that he forgot to tie the sock around the doorknob to alert all potential visitors that he was getting busy inside ... and Kristina walks in on the couple right in the middle of some couch lovin' and Olivia telling Johnny that she was doing what no 17-year-old could possibly do. Amen to that, sister. BTW, does being a pretend girlfriend give you the privilege not to knock? Sheesh.

Elsewhere in The Chuckles: Kristina wasn't the only Corinthos kid to walk in on some spontaneous nookie today, as poor Michael interrupted Lante getting ready to make sweet love in the middle of his new home. Later, Michael shared some bonding time with new neighbor Brook Lynn, who offered ... what else? ... to cook for him sometime. And Carly and Jax shared a tender moment over a mutual agreement that Sonny should be out of their lives. And all I kept thinking was, "Hee hee, just wait til Brender shows back up in August and throws you two for one major-ass loop!"

Sonny Will Hate It More Than God Hates Sin

No, not a pair of khakis and a polo shirt. Of course, we're talking about Kristina's master plan to feign a little somethin' somethin' between herself and Port Chuck's hot mob prince, Johnny Zacchara--just the mere thought of which would send Sonny screaming right out of his silk suit. Johnny's not biting for now, but something tells me (and no, not just the spoilers I read) that we haven't heard the last of this convoluted scheme. I'm surprised Johnny didn't bring up Olivia as one of the many reasons for not playing Kristina's reindeer games. For a man so deeply in love, you would think not pissing off your hot-blooded girlfriend would be top on your list of priorities. Hey Johnny, I think someone once mentioned she's from Bensonhurst, and we hear the broads are pretty tough around there.

Speaking of Sonny, why so much screen time for him and Claire Walsh? Are we really going to go through the whole Sonny seduces the prosecutor storyline yet again? I really enjoyed Claire's scenes with Lucky a few weeks ago, and was hoping the show would continue to build on that obvious chemistry. Although I guess Claire can't exactly make cute with Lucky while he's busy wreaking havoc (and yes, I do mean that bad Irish accent) all across Greece. If Jonathan Jackson doesn't get an Emmy for managing to tear up in nearly every scene he performs, then there's no justice in this bloody world. And can someone please tell me what shade of lipstick he wears? I'm convinced it will go perfect with my skin coloring.


Yes, it was sorta cute that Emmy award winner Julie Berman's character Lulu told Dante that she was giving him an Emmy winning performance. But Emmy caliber or not, could the Lante show take a hiatus before I will Lulu and her towel to, oops, plummet right down the elevator shaft?

Enjoyed the banter between Carly and Patrick. If Kristina hadn't already delivered that "my dad will hate it more than God hates sin" gem, Carly would have walked off with the line of the day for claiming that Lisa's affections for Patrick were so obvious "she might as well be wearing a sandwich board." Not to mention how she then went on to accuse Patrick of picturing Lisa nekkid under said sandwich board.

The violent fighting--and ultimately murder--scene between Jason and Carter was disturbing to say the least on Friday, and Carter's deathbed (shower floor?) message from Franco gave me quite a chill. I haven't read anything about what happens to Jason as a result of Carter's death, so I'm watching and waiting along with the rest of you who refuse to be spoiled. But with the warden confronting Jason at the end of today's episode, something is about to go down. I don't understand, could the warden/prison guards actually have found the bloody clothes Jason masterfully hid underneath his cot? Why, that's the last place anyone would look!