While Emma Is Found, All Common Sense Is Lost

"No, I'm not attempting to breastfeed. I just figured showing three quarters of my boob might take some of the sting out of me kidnapping your daughter."

Just when you think Lisa's ramped up the crazy as far as it can go, she pulls yet another about-to-be-boiled rabbit out of her hat. As we learned on Friday, Patrick and Robin come home to find that Lisa stopped by to pick up Emma for ice cream ... and well, the nanny let her. While I'm glad poor, tired, overworked Mercedes is no longer caring for every child in Port Charles under the age of 18, I can't help but think this would have never happened on her watch.

You're no Mercedes, sweetheart. Oh, and you're fired.

Almost as unsettling as Lisa taking Patrick and Robin's child--and the nanny letting her--was the emergency response that followed. Patrick and Robin waste precious time arguing over whether to call the cops or search for Emma themselves. Um, your cell phone ... it's portable. So you can do both. And why wouldn't you call the cops immediately if a woman has taken your child without your permission? Especially a woman who you have recently had issues with?

Mayor Floyd Officially Declares It 'Crazy-Ass Monday' in Port Charles

So much for General Hospital easing us back into the week. Mayor Floyd must have officially declared it Crazy Ass Monday over in Port Chuck today, because we got insanity on all kinds of levels. I don't know what was crazier: Franco thinking that an appropriate way to "give back" to his mother was in the form of a stolen newborn, or his mother for actually getting on board with the whole thing! By the end of the episode, she had named him Pablo (a big improvement over Buzz ... just sayin') and was envisioning their new life in Oregon. Yes, Oregon. Apparently, the West Coast agreed with Franco and he's relocating his mother and little Pablo there.

Lockdown!

In the wake of the disappearance of Baby Aiden Cassadine--or Buzz, as Liz would like him to be called--General Hospital is put on emergency lockdown. No one can enter or exit the building, and everyone must clear the hallways. And surprise, surprise, the cop assigned to the case is none other than Lucky--also known by the nursing staff as that guy who was peering through the blinds into the delivery room during Buzzby's birth.

I Want to Go to a Concert in the Park With Lucky

If you're a regular reader of my blog, you already know that I adore Jonathan Jackson's Lucky. And after what the poor man endured at the hands of his fiance and brother, I want nothing more than the handsome cop to find himself a good woman. Right now, it seems as if both Claire and Maxie have captured Officer Hottie's attention. I know I just said in yesterday's recap how much I enjoyed Lucky and Claire's scenes together at the PCPD, but today's scenes with Lucky and Maxie gave those some serious competition.

GH American Idol: Route 66 Is All About Song Selection, While Brook Is Pitchy (and Punchy) Dawg

I didn't watch yesterday's episode because I had to travel to New York City for work (just like Maxie, I attended the trendiest parties in high-fashion couture designed by Feddie ... not), so I may have missed a detail or two leading up to today's antics. And boy, were there antics. Jakes, Coleman and karaoke are like my GH trifecta, but why was this stranger in a fedora singing "Route 66"? Ah, just like Lulu piecing the whole complicated mystery together ("wait, so the mansion is on Road 66 and he sent Maxie 66 flowers ...") I knew my man Franco must be behind this little piece of performance art.

Mac Is Tan, Patrick Is Guilty, and Franco Continues to Monkey With Port Charles

It seemed like a rather dull day in The Chuckles, even though Franco and his army of toy monkeys did their best to spice things up. In the park, he kneeled beside Josslyn and taunted Jax for what seemed like a good five minutes before it dawned on Jax that a call to 911 might be appropriate when you're witnessing a psychopath stroking your baby daughter's forehead. Jax informs the operator that he's in the park with "Franco, the serial killer," to which the artist responds, "If you're going to throw around labels, I'm going to take my monkey and go," and disappears into the bushes. By the time Dante and Ronnie Domestico show up on the scene, Franco is long gone. But not to worry, dear citizens of Port Charles. Mac's going to get one of them there hel-ee-copters to look for Franco, "an eye in the sky," as Ronnie calls it. Gee, you think? Because you only have a wanted serial killer strolling around all over town in broad daylight. Maybe time to call in some reinforcements to back up lone officer Dante and an unarmed Jason.

Franco Gets His Kicks on Country Road 66

Franco moved into some new digs on Friday's episode of General Hospital, which we later found out is the old Lockland Mansion on Country Road 66--apparently a lucky number of sorts for the artist (he also gave Maxie 66 red roses). After clearing away some dead leaves and debris, Franco quickly set out to make the place his own with some high-end interior decorating, spray-painting his signature "CO77X" on the wall and propping up his assistant Leonardo (yes, he named the toy monkey and gave him a position in the Franco administration) on the mantle.

Franco May Be a Killer, But Bobby Frank Is Downright Dreamy

Hello my fellow GH fans! Tonight I'm catching up on yesterday's and today's episodes and will be back to my usual episode recap tomorrow. In the meantime, I leave you all with this:

While Fireworks May Have Exploded in Your Town, Bombs Exploded in Port Charles

While the rest of us were thinking about time off from work, BBQs with family and friends, and other 4th of July festivities, the residents of Port Charles had much more explosive issues on their minds than breaking out their lawn chairs for the local fireworks display. Kristina set out to put her mother of all daddy issues revenge plot into motion, arriving at Johnny's penthouse while the mob prince and Olivia were mid-Merlot.

The Countdown to Car Bomb Friday Is On

Today's episode laid a lot of groundwork for what is sure to be one heck of a "Cliffhanger Friday" tomorrow before the long holiday weekend--what with cars about to blow up and serial killer Franco lurking through the streets of Port Charles. Sonny gathered together Milo and Max at the restaurant to put the final touches on the Johnny car bomb plan. I love how Sonny emphasized to Milo and Max to make sure nothing can be traced back to him. The entire town knows Sonny wants Johnny dead more than anything. Even if police can't trace physical evidence back to Sonny, well, his emotionally scarred 17-year-old daughter who hates him is going to know, his estranged son who hates him is going to know, the mother of said estranged son who Sonny's been trying to woo back since she arrived in Port Charles is going to know ... and the list goes on. Sonny makes less sense than even the Port Charles legal system and medical system combined. Really Sonny, you don't need a crystal ball or a psychic to predict that the only thing blowing up worse than Johnny's car is this plan, right in your face.

Goodbye Luke, Hello Franco

Ah, the return of Franco. I've been looking forward to it for weeks now, although it didn't seem to have quite the same build-up as it did the last time around. Maybe it was just because "Mad World" didn't play on a continuous loop for weeks leading up to today. We actually saw a lot more of Franco on his first day back than I thought we would. In fact, he opened the show, in his now-standard homeless guy disguise. Since Franco is a man of only a few disguises, it might be wise at this point for the Port Charles PD to issue a statement to the town's residents: "If you see a hot, young homeless guy, he's most likely this world-famous artist/serial killer we've been searching for."

Phone Sex Fails to Heat Up Stone Cold

So I just watched Thursday's episode of General Hospital tonight. Since I'm a day behind, my original plan was to do one post on both yesterday's and today's episodes ... but well, there's simply way to much going on in The Chuckles to just gloss over things like phone sex attempts and Mercedes contemplating a leave of absence as caretaker for all of Port Charles' children under 12. BTW, with all the children she's cared for, how has Mercedes never factored into a "cheating with the nanny" storyline? That seems like prime soap opera material, after all. At the very least, in a town where the single men obviously outnumber the single women, Mercedes could be well utilized as a potential love interest for, say, a Matt Hunter, or Milo, or even that Conan guy who waiters at Sonny's pretend restaurant.

Speaking of men outnumbering the women, how in the world did boring ol' Maya command the attention of all three Spencer men at one time? As I've said before, I really want to like her, but GH is doing everything it can to make sure that never happens. I did laugh though when Ethan asked her out for drinks and she replied, "We'll see how my day goes." Translation: "I'm not going anywhere in public with a man with that hideous half bun on the back of his head." Oh honey, you should have been here earlier when the eggs were served.

Back in Pentonville, Jason takes a break from all his many visitors--no, not to bang out license plates, but to make a personal phone call. Ah, the life of a prisoner. A very bubbly Sam (see what I did there?) answers the phone and, while perhaps well-intentioned, attempts to have phone sex with the most non-talkative, unemotional man on the planet. Save it for the conjugal visit room, Sam. God love him, but your man's a do-er, not a talker.

Luckily for Jason and Sam, GH has decided to twist the law into a pretzel once again and give Jason a free pass out of Pentonville. In order to lure out Franco, who's mailing out so many pics of dead bodies he's running out of postage stamps, Jason will be released from the big house and placed in the custody of ... who else? ... Dante Falconeri, patron saint of criminals and otherwise wayward souls. There's one catch, though: If Jason runs while on this special prison furlough, it's Dante who gets shipped to Pentonville to hang out in the visitation room all day and occasionally make dirty phone calls. Now, if I were Jason, and seeing as how he kinda sorta hates Dante for being a traitor to the organization and getting Michael sent to prison, I might just grab Sam out of the bubble bath and head for The Island, just to see the Falc-ster get thrown behind bars. But I have a sneaking suspicion Franco will take precedence over any Dante revenge schemes.

Speaking of Franco, he returns to Port Chuck in just a few days. Are you guys excited to have him back?

Sonny Will Hate It More Than God Hates Sin

No, not a pair of khakis and a polo shirt. Of course, we're talking about Kristina's master plan to feign a little somethin' somethin' between herself and Port Chuck's hot mob prince, Johnny Zacchara--just the mere thought of which would send Sonny screaming right out of his silk suit. Johnny's not biting for now, but something tells me (and no, not just the spoilers I read) that we haven't heard the last of this convoluted scheme. I'm surprised Johnny didn't bring up Olivia as one of the many reasons for not playing Kristina's reindeer games. For a man so deeply in love, you would think not pissing off your hot-blooded girlfriend would be top on your list of priorities. Hey Johnny, I think someone once mentioned she's from Bensonhurst, and we hear the broads are pretty tough around there.

Speaking of Sonny, why so much screen time for him and Claire Walsh? Are we really going to go through the whole Sonny seduces the prosecutor storyline yet again? I really enjoyed Claire's scenes with Lucky a few weeks ago, and was hoping the show would continue to build on that obvious chemistry. Although I guess Claire can't exactly make cute with Lucky while he's busy wreaking havoc (and yes, I do mean that bad Irish accent) all across Greece. If Jonathan Jackson doesn't get an Emmy for managing to tear up in nearly every scene he performs, then there's no justice in this bloody world. And can someone please tell me what shade of lipstick he wears? I'm convinced it will go perfect with my skin coloring.


Yes, it was sorta cute that Emmy award winner Julie Berman's character Lulu told Dante that she was giving him an Emmy winning performance. But Emmy caliber or not, could the Lante show take a hiatus before I will Lulu and her towel to, oops, plummet right down the elevator shaft?

Enjoyed the banter between Carly and Patrick. If Kristina hadn't already delivered that "my dad will hate it more than God hates sin" gem, Carly would have walked off with the line of the day for claiming that Lisa's affections for Patrick were so obvious "she might as well be wearing a sandwich board." Not to mention how she then went on to accuse Patrick of picturing Lisa nekkid under said sandwich board.

The violent fighting--and ultimately murder--scene between Jason and Carter was disturbing to say the least on Friday, and Carter's deathbed (shower floor?) message from Franco gave me quite a chill. I haven't read anything about what happens to Jason as a result of Carter's death, so I'm watching and waiting along with the rest of you who refuse to be spoiled. But with the warden confronting Jason at the end of today's episode, something is about to go down. I don't understand, could the warden/prison guards actually have found the bloody clothes Jason masterfully hid underneath his cot? Why, that's the last place anyone would look!