Monday, 6/30/08: Carly Not Pregnant, Always Showers Between Lovers

After saying how much I loved Anna in my last post, I was afraid she had succumbed to the dark side when she did some sort of WSB kung fu self-defense move on Patrick because he dared to step within the vicinity of the blessed mother. But she finally came to her senses by the end of today's episode when she announced that she would be testifying for Patrick if a custody hearing between he and Robin ever made it to court. Wow Robin, you've even managed to alienate your own mother.

All this talk about Robert is making me miss him. I know he's scheduled to return to Nightshift, but I would love to see Tristian Rogers pay a visit to GH during the daytime.

So the mob spawn was just a figment of Carly's delicate stomach. I can't believe the bambino is not to be ... especially when things are just getting so good. Jax is confronting Carly about sleeping with Sonny, Sonny is knocking down Jason's door to see if he slept with Carly, Kate is asking Sonny not to keep any secrets between them. Was the test a false negative? I just can't believe this storyline isn't going to come to term, so to speak.

BTW, I love when Carly tells the story of how she slept with both Sonny and Jax on the same night, she always makes a point of saying she took a shower in between her two romps. "And you know, we were both in a really emotional place, so we slept together on the way home from the long-term care facility. And then I got home, and my mind was just all over the place. So then I showered and found Jax ..." Hilarious. There is something to be said for proper hygiene.

So why wouldn't Claudia just kill Nikolas, since he now has her big, dark, dirty secret about Michael's shooting to hang over her head? Regardless, I was sorry to see that when these two were finally paired up again, it was as adversaries. I still believe Claudia and Nikolas have an awesome chemistry and unlike so many storylines that leave me bored and uninspired, I was truly glued to the set to see what would transpire between these two. Why write these two off GH? So we can watch Nadine and her stuffed animals scour the Port Chuck projects for free more clinic patients?

Friday, 6/27/08: Robin Scorpio Is My Lex Luthor

I have never liked Robin. Ever since she first came on as a child, she has grated on my every last nerve. I find her whiny and annoying. When I realized that Robin was in it for the long haul on GH, I really truly tried to like her. Even with this latest pregnancy storyline, I've tried to stick with it and learn to appreciate (or at least tolerate) Robin. From what I read in soap mags and on Web sites, it appears that many GH viewers do like her. So how hard could it be to sit through her storylines? Impossible ... that's how hard it is. So hard it's impossible. I have gotten so tired of her over-exaggerated pregnancy ailments and hypocritical bratty-ness about Patrick's involvement with the baby, I've resorted back to my tried-and-true Robin technique--fast forward. I mean, is it me, or have Robin and Patrick been repeating the same argument/dialogue day after day, week after week, for months now?

Funny too, because I recently tried to post a comment on Robin's blog ("Robin's Daily Dose," http://www.drrobinscorpio.com/) The comments are moderated, so they do not automatically appear. I checked back several times ... and the comment was never posted! I have no idea why. The comment was neither negative nor inappropriate, so I'll have to assume that Robin doesn't like me either :)

But for as much as I dislike Robin, that's how much I love Anna. So when she returned to GH on Friday, right smack in the middle of the Robin and Patrick storyline, I had a big decision to make ... to fast forward or not to fast forward. I ended up suffering through the scenes, but I'm not sure if even Anna can keep me from skipping over anything to do with Robin.

We saw more of the new doc, Matt Hunter, on Friday and I'm still not impressed. I mean, wow, a GH resident who thinks he's God's gift. The GH writers really thought outside the box with this one to come up with a totally new, unique character. And I just don't find this guy even remotely attractive. Seriously, what's up with that full beard? Are you in witness protection?!

I really don't understand Carly's tactic in explaining the mob spawn. Sonny paid her a visit to confront her on whether the baby was his or not ... and she's claiming it's Jason's? From Sonny's perspective, how can she be so sure? Whether or not she slept with Jax or Jason or whomever, Sonny knows for a fact that she slept with him and can easily do the math to say, ok, it's right about the time she should be showing symptoms. So how can she claim to Sonny with such certainty that it's not his? And is he buying this lame cover story?

Thursday, 6/26/08: Rome Wasn't Built in a Day, But the Free Clinic Sure Was

Wow, so it seems the free clinic has matured from a rat-infested, abandoned crack den to a full-functioning medical facility as quickly as most children mature on soap operas. To complete the fantasy, Nadine saves the day by going into the projects with a stuffed duck. Uh, have the GH writers ever been to the projects? Something tells me bright-eyed and bushy-tailed Nadine and her little ducky wouldn't be quite so well received.

So what we have been anticipating for weeks ... Carly acknowledges the mob spawn. I love Carly, but she's actually complaining that Sonny will want rights to the child? Hmm, maybe you should have thought about that before you had sex with Leisure Suit Larry on the way home from your comatose son's permanent care facility! The storyline definitely has me interested though, so I'll let the hypocrisy slide ...

I've been hearing about this new character coming to GH for weeks now played by the actor (Jason Cook maybe? I'm too tired to remember names!) who use to be on Days of Our Lives with the actress who plays Maxie. Today was his first day on the show, and I was unimpressed. I was expecting a hottie ... not some smarmy looking guy with a full beard. Full beards are so ... well, come to think of it, they were never in. Oh well, maybe he'll start to grow on me once he starts talking.

Favorite line today was when Claudia said, "His name is Za-CAR-a" in that ridiculous accent that I think is suppose to pass for Italian. Since you say no other words with an accent, I think we'll let you slide Claudia if you use the American pronunciation of Zacchara.

Tuesday, 6/24/08: Tick Tock Logan

Poor Logan ... while it was good to see him back in action today, he's like a dead man walking now. Is it too late for GH to change its mind and NOT kill him off?! I still can't get over how much he and Scotty look alike ...

I'm back to fast-forwarding through all of Robin and Patrick's scene. I tried to give them the benefit of the doubt for awhile, but I just can't take it anymore. I am so tired of listening to the same old argument over and over and over again. I'm so tired of annoying, bratty, self-righteous Robin shooting down all of Patrick's attempts to be involved in her and their baby's lives. She's quite the hypocrite. He should take her to court for joint custody.

If I absolutely have to deal with Lulu every single solitary day, I at least enjoy Maxie being thrown into the mix. She definitely makes the Loo Looo-Johnny debacle more bearable. And I covet all of her clothes, unlike Lulu's nasty tank tops and 80s rocker chick jeans.

Am I the only one who thought Sonny was going to jump into the tub with Kate in his tacky maroon suit?!

Friday, 6/20/08: Beware, Asian Virus Known to Cause Boredom

So Jason has succumbed to the Asian something-or-other virus, but so far is just suffering from a high fever and a bad attitude. No delirum or truth serum-type effects, as promised ... at least not yet. I still can't quite figure out why GH threw Jason, Claudia and Spinelli into quarantine together. I think it would be interesting if Jason had some feelings of affection for Claudia (romantic or otherwise) in spite of himself, but he seems to express only one emotion when they're together -- dislike. So where's the conflict? Why keep throwing these two characters together in life or death situations? I think I'm bored.

BTW, when Claudia flexes her insanely muscular arms, it's a little scary.

I had vowed to take a hiatus from talking about Lulu, but GH doesn't make it easy to avoid her by putting her on every blessed day. Friday we were treated to a Lulu and Johnny romp at the Quartermaine boathouse ... all wet and steamy and giggly until it dawned on Lulu that she had brought Johnny to the one place where she had seduced Dylan and lost her virginity. She confessed this sordid little detail of her past to Johnny -- including the resulting pregnancy -- but he seemed to get over it in record time. Probably because at that point, he just wanted to get some.

Thursday, 6/19/08: Uncle Mac Needs to Get Laid

I actually thought the Robin silliness was finally coming to an end. We've endured the exaggerated cravings, constant talk of peeing, and general "I'm the worst depiction of a pregnant woman ever" whining and complaining. We suffered through the ridiculous video blog wars and "baby daddy" and "baby momma momma" nonsense. Now this latest stupidity with Mac hiring Epiphany to care for Robin and keep her baby's father away from her, no matter how much he's trying to be there for her. It all seemed like it was FINALLY coming to an end today with Robin standing up for herself and sending Epiphany home, and then Patrick standing up to Mac ... right until the point where Mac arrested Patrick ... and, as we find out from the coming attractions, for stalking Robin! Remember back in the 90s when Mac was cool and kicked ass and got laid? WTF happened?! Can't they give Mac anything better to do? It's a shame that his character has such history and he's still on the show after all these years, but he's so pathetically back-burner.

I know I should be reacting to the fact that Jason keeled over from a potentially deadly virus today, but I'm still getting over the visual of a random man showing up at the door in a Haz-mat suit, dropping off a pamphlet while mumbling something about "virus" and "quarantined," and then getting the hell out of there. Surreal. I'm not too worried about Jason's chances of survival, but I am curious if he spills any dark secrets in his sick, delirious state.

Wednesday, 6/18/08: Alexis "Rides the Untamed Horse"

I remember an episode of Seinfeld where George realized that the more he abstained from sex, the more intelligent he became. And conversely, the more sex he had, the dumber he became. Apparently, Alexis has fallen prey to the same fate. One night after succumbing to the ... umm ... charms? ... of Jerry Jax, all GH's "role model" of a smart, successful, independent woman could do was shrug her shoulders and eek out, "but I have bad taste in men?" This is your portrayal of a strong woman General Hospital? Shame on you. At least those around her were quick to point out her hypocrisy, especially Nikolas. If my aunt slept with the man who poisoned me, I think I'd be a little pissed too.

It was especially hypocritical after her tirade yesterday against Carly and Sonny. Sonny is a detriment to your child, but Jerry Jax, who we're often reminded is a homicidal maniac, and the father of your other daughter, who just happens to be working for the Zaccharas, will keep everybody safe and warm?

Don't you really wish Carly would throw snooty ol' Kate right out of her hotel lobby?

Monday, 6/16/08: Sonny Gets Freaky Again

I swear, I am thisclose to writing a letter to GH ... another Sonny "freaky boy" tirade against Spinelli?? Really GH, that's the best you can do? It's just weird and creepy and disturbing and wrong to hear this aging, greasy mobster picking on a young, obviously defenseless kid. And while I get that Spinelli being the ultimate loser is part of his character--and his charm--does absolutely everything have to go wrong for him, and does everyone have to treat him so poorly? I really like Spinelli for the most part (sometimes the babbling gets a little out of control) but it's hard watching him get picked on and mistreated so badly all the time.

So it was maybe only a minute ago that Lulu apologized to Carly for being completely ignorant and self-absorbed and running to her about Johnny, like, a second after Michael was shot ... and yet there she is again, off and running to push her Johnny issues on another relative who has way bigger fish to fry. Do we really have to listen to this girl blather every other day, "oh my gosh, I love Johnny but he's in the mob and what do I do and I want your 'sage advice' but really just because it gives me another chance to talk because I'm going to ignore anything you say anyway so I can be with Johnny because I've never felt this way before." Eck, she makes me want to ram my head into my TV set.

How is Uncle Mac going to pay Epiphany to monitor Robin around the clock when the head nurse has a full-time job at GH?

Friday, 6/18/08: Next on General Hospital, Max Dresses as a Circus Clown

Today was a bit of a dull day around the Hospital, especially for a Friday. Big ol' Max in a fisherman's hat isn't exactly my way of escaping in front of the television after a long work week.

Speaking of, while I appreciate Max's kind guesture to take Sonny away during Father's Day weekend ... Sonny? In the woods? Really?? The man lounges around his house in a full suit, do you really think he's going to be sitting in a canoe casting a line in pinstripes? I think if GH really wanted to show that Sonny is conflicted, depressed, that retirement's getting to him, they should have him walking around all sloppy in sweatpants and a t-shirt, hair un-moussed, maybe some stubble ... would love to see him stumble into the Crimson offices like that.

And while I realize reality is a bit askew in the soap opera world, what are the chances that the same woman who Sam (aka Cindy) did wrong sometime in the past is now hanging with Luke Spencer in Mexico? I'm even willing to let it go that none of the people in GH's Mexico have Mexican accents, but come on now .... my imagination only stretches so far. I have to say, I was somewhat excited when I learned that Sam and Lucky would be going on this adventure together to Mexico ... I really thought they both deserved more screen time than they had been getting. But now that the storyline is under way ... bleh. There's just no chemistry between these two. I kept hoping Luke would show up to at least provide some comic relief, even though I know Tony Geary's safely tucked away in Amsterdam until the fall.

Speaking of chemistry, the only thing that really did grab my attention on Friday was seeing Nikolas and Claudia interact again ... I really hope GH continues to move forward with this pairing. And seeing them together made it even more apparent what a snoozefest Nadine really is.

Thursday, 6/12/08: Anthony Puts the Loo-Looo in Looney

I can't decide whether Anthony's "Loo-Looo" is hysterical or extremely creepy.

I never grew too attached to Logan, but was always in awe of how much his looks and mannerisms mirror Scotty's. (They really couldn't have gotten a better representation of a father and son, unless they had actually hired a real-life father and son.) But now that I know he's going to be killed off soon, I kinda feel bad for the guy, showing up only every so often to push Old Man Zacchara around in his wheelchair, usually in the presence of his arch rival Johnny and Loo-Looo "Wrench to the Head" Spencer. It just seems like Scotty's son deserves better.

Meanwhile, the brother-sister dynamic between Johnny and Claudia is just creepy, kooky, and all-together ooky. Doesn't it make you uncomfortable to watch them sometimes? And now that Wednesday and Pugsly are actually sharing an apartment together, the ick factor climbs just a little bit higher.

So how handsome did Spinelli look in that suit? It almost made me forget that horrible Australian accent he was using, not to mention that it would have been impossible for a tailor to make an expensive suit in 40 minutes.

Wednesday, 6/11/08: Should I Sleep With Sonny ... This Week?

Funny that Carly spent so much time today contemplating whether or not she should sleep with Sonny ... I mean, considering she JUST slept with Sonny! All of the Sonny and Carly talk that's dominated the past two days caught me off guard ... but it did get me thinking. Will Sonny and Carly ever get back together? I don't know how Carly could ever justify the decision after claiming that staying away from Sonny is the only way to keep her children safe, but their long history and strong connection seem to always keep the possibility alive. Of course, we all see a Carly pregnancy coming a mile away (no way a soap would have a character sleep with two men on the same night and not capitalize on the potential repercussions!) and I just gotta bet the little one comes out of the womb with slicked back hair and a silk suit.

And was Carly right? Is Sonny only "the real Sonny" when he's with her? Of course, unlike Carly, we have the benefit of knowing Kate's true past with Sonny. Meanwhile, where are Connie Falconari's parents/family? Have they ever been addressed? If Kate Howard is so world-reknowned, no one's spotted a photo of her and thought, oh, there's my long-lost daughter/sister/cousin/etc?

From what I've read online and in soap magazines, it seems that viewers have really taken to Max and Diane. I don't get this one at all. I've always found Diane entertaining, but Max is just like a big, dumb block of wood. Which has served him well as Sonny's rarely verbal body guard. I'm just not seeing a different side to Max with Diane, and I'm not invested in these two at all. They're thisclose to getting fast-forwarded through.

Monday 6/9/08:The Voices in Johnny's Head

Well, I was close. It wasn't garden shears, but Johnny reached for the nearest object he could find in the love shack baaaabbbbyy and looked like he was about to bash his own skull in with it. So yes, Johnny finally snaps and what does our dear Lulu do? Yep, keeps right on yapping. Do you think the writers actually try to make her the most annoying person on earth?

I have to say, I haven't been sure what to make of Claudia for months now (do I like her, do I not like, would I rather stick her in a crate with Lulu and ship them both off to Italy), but I really started to like the girl when she was staying at Windamere. I'm not saying I wanted to see her and Nikolas blossom into the next super couple, but the two had chemistry and I couldn't wait to see what would happen next. And now that Claudia's cooked up this little scheme to pay Maxie to seduce her brother ... well, it's official. I like this crazy bitch!

Actually, seeing Nikolas and gosh, what's her name ... the blonde ... with the yellow this is what I wore to my spring semi-formal dress ... Nadine! ... made me realize just how interesting Nikolas and Claudia actually were. Nadine's just a little too aww shucks and if Nikolas is staying true to his "I'll always love Emily, there will never be anyone else" mantra, then really, what could he and Nadine possibly do to entertain us? Put on a finger puppet show?

Friday 6/6/08: Shut Your Mouth Lulu

Carly telling Lulu to "shut your mouth" on Thursday truly was bittersweet. Sweet because someone finally said what we've all been thinking; bitter because it seemed like it only made Lulu talk more. On Friday, she became SuperLulu, able to mediate mob wars, protect her grieving brother, clock in a few minutes at Crimson, and make it back to her and Johnny's love shack all in a single bound. Careful Lu, keep up this yapping and poor Johnny's going to reach around that shack for the closest pair of garden shears and chop his own ears off. "Anything to make her stop!!!!"

And while I love that Maxie dared to suggest that the daytime Devil Wears Prada, Miss Kate, might actually be wrong ... I don't think she actually was in this case. I agree that Spinelli is a good-hearted guy, but in what place of business would he be allowed to drop in at will, socialize with the staff, and disrupt the normal flow of business? Why haven't any of Spinelli's many "mentors" suggested that he might have better luck with his fair Maximista if he wasn't always hounding the poor girl at work?!

Speaking of good-hearted Spinelli, Sonny's "freak boy" tirade was particularly disturbing. Bad enough he shoved his head against a post not too long ago. I realize Sonny's suppose to be the tough mob guy who can't tolerate the eccentric kid, but come on, this is like fifth-grade-level bullying. Can someone (um, yeah, that would mean you Jason) intervene on Spinelli's behalf, and put an end to this creepy and unnecessary dynamic?