We Interrupt Our Regularly Scheduled Program to Bring You ... Good Writing

There's nothing worse than an outdated blog, and mine has been growing stale for so long now, it might as well be covered in mold. While I'd like to tell you I've been busy traveling the world or doing something equally as exotic, the truth is ... well ... OK, I'll just say it: General Hospital has kinda sucked lately. And while I'm a long-time, loyal viewer who sticks by the show through good times and bad, the past several weeks have left me completely unentertained and uninspired. One week, I barely even watched any of the episodes, something that usually only happens if I'm away on vacation. But with so much good TV available to me on my overpriced cable package, I couldn't see carving out time to watch most of General Hospital fly by my screen on fast-forward.

There have been some glimmers of hope. I am a die-hard Sonny and Brenda fan from back in the 1990s, and while I have been mostly disappointed with how the writers have handled Brenda's return thus far, I absolutely loved S&B's scenes this past week in their old apartment. I've also enjoyed Lucky and Siobhan's scenes lately (is it just me, or does Lucky look sexier ever since he started gettin' some?) and I like watching Liz get her panties in a twist over it. And even though I thought it was absurd that Sam shipped Michael off to a hotel room with a woman who was willing to take money in exchange for having sex with a tortured 18-year-old virgin, I like the dynamic between Michael and Abby so far.

Sadly though, the General Hospital episodes that I've enjoyed the most in the past few months are the ones that have been repeats, from the Brenda-focused ones that replayed leading up to her return to this past Friday's Jason Morgan marathon on SoapNet. Yes, I'm sure some of the enjoyment of those episodes is the nostalgia factor--remembering when I first watched those stories play out, seeing characters that are no longer on the show, and seeing how those who still are on the show have changed over the years (skinny Jason! Luke with hair! when Nikolas was hot!)

New Poll! What Would You Like to See Permanently Banned From General Hospital?

I've posted a new poll here at the Nurses Station (in the upper right-hand corner of the site)--What would you like to see permanently banned from General Hospital?--and I thought I'd break down the choices for you in case you're having trouble deciding. Also, feel free to expand on your choice, or suggest a choice I may have overlooked, in the comments section.

Suzanne's Cleavage
When Brenda's assistant Suzanne arrived on General Hospital, well, she came baring gifts (see what I did there?). Now, wherever she goes--Rome, Port Charles--it's a sure bet that her overexposed cleavage will be leading the way. Suzanne is an attractive woman, but she's doing herself a disservice with this far-from-flattering look day in and day out. It also doesn't help that she appears to have gotten a really bad sunburn on her chest and forgotten to moisturize afterwards--the words wrinkled, discolored and blotchy come to mind. Plus, if her tops' necklines get any lower, GH is going to have to move over to cable.

Here's hoping those brusk upstate New York winters encourage Suzanne to invest in some turtlenecks and scarves.

Welcome to Bittertown. Population: Claire

Boy, did I pick the wrong day to set time aside for a GH recap. Even with two major characters returning to the Chuckles, there was very little in the way of action--unless you consider Max and Milo groping each other on Jason's couch as "action." (More on that later.)

Oh Claire, bitter does not look good on you, girl. Dumped by Sonny faster than you can say "what woman in Port Charles hasn't he taken to the island," she's channeling her hurt feelings back into that whole "I'm going to put Sonny away for life" nonsense. Yawn. Because that worked out so well the first time you tried it. And we all know, Claire, that you're just a homemade pasta dinner and a silk robe away from crying "conflict of interest" to your superiors again. But after finding Michael in Sonny's office, she threatens to report the parole violation and send Michael back to Pentonville. Ah yes, the infamous Judge Carroll and his terms of parole still loom large.

Like Giving Candy to a Baby: Thoughts on Hooker-gate

After watching both Monday's and Tuesday's episodes of General Hospital last night, and following related conversations on Twitter, I had to include my two cents on the Michael-hooker story line. I'm not going to comment on the morality of prostitution—that's for you to decide—but I would like to comment on the quality of the storytelling.

Michael has been dealing with episodes of severe trauma since birth. In the last couple years alone, he has been shot in the head; miraculously woken up from a coma, but with serious brain damage; subsequently dealt with issues of rage that has resulted in verbal and physical violence; killed his stepmother; and been sent to prison. And yes, the prison rape that has not been formally mentioned, but that Jason seems well aware of. If anyone on God's green earth needs a therapist, is it not Michael? On a show that rushes women into Shadybrook on the reg, why has this child not even sat down with a counselor?

Even more perplexing, his loved ones lined up in court to plead with Judge Carroll to sentence Michael to "counseling and community service" instead of prison. When he was released from prison, he was given the community service as well as the added bonus of having to live with Dante and never seeing his father, Sonny. Um, where's the counseling, people?

I always joke that GH viewing requires one to check their grasp of reality at the door, but this "Michael wants a hooker" story line that is now playing out confounds me in all sorts of ways. First, after all the shouting of "He needs counseling, not prison!" why doesn't counseling now even cross Jason or Sam's minds? Sam did say that Michael's "not ready" to talk to a counselor ... yet he's ready for a paid sexual experience? I just don't understand how in a matter of two episodes, this poor, disturbed kid has been rushed into a hotel room by two influential adults in his life with an obviously much older stranger named Candy (er, Abigail) who has accepted money to have sex with him.

If counseling is somehow not in the realm of possibility, why didn't Sam or Jason suggest that perhaps Michael is not ready to be involved with girls on any level at this point in his life until he gets some kind of hold on his demons? I love Michael, and I sympathize with him--and I like this blonde friend of Kristina's that he's becoming involved with (I forget her name, so I'll call her Party Girl ... because "Party Girl Who Has a Friend Who DJs" was too long)--but it disturbs me that he's verbally attacked Party Girl at least twice now and yet they're still pursuing each other. I can't help but think that poor Party Girl shouldn't put up with a guy speaking to/yelling at her that way, regardless of his tragic back story. Oh, and when I last left Michael at the end of Tuesday's episode, he was physically attacking Candy-Abby. Attacking women is not the way one works through their issues, GH.

Also nonsensical ... Everyone is soooo worried that the least little thing will get Michael shipped back off to Pentonville. The last I checked, prostitution is illegal, and Port Charles is not Vegas or Amsterdam. So why didn't anyone mention to Michael that if he got caught paying for sex, he surely would get shipped back to Pentonville faster than Sonny dumped Claire Walsh? That seems to be a major flaw in the storytelling. God forbid you have a conversation with your father or you'll get sent back to prison, yet please feel free to engage in a blatantly illegal act.

So on today's GH ... Michael does an internship at a meth lab! I kid, but really ... would it make any less sense than what's been playing out these last two days?

What do you think? 

STONE!!!

Kleenex, my fellow GHers. Lots and lots of Kleenex. That's how I got through today's Robin and Stone scenes. It was all kinds of emotional and heart wrenching and nostalgic. And sweet bajeezus, if Michael Sutton doesn't look even hotter than he did in the 90s.

Let's just take a moment to bask in the Stone-ness of it all, shall we?


Content Stone





Playful Stone



Attentive Stone

I particularly loved when he told Robin at the end, "That's why I'm here. Because I'm part of you."

One for the (Stone) Ages

Stone 2010

 STONE!! He was only on for a minute or two at the end of today's episode, but I'm still freaking out like Brooklynn on a private jet to France. Honestly, I don't know if I can compose myself long enough to say anything other than ... STONE!!! I loved this character beyond words and even if he's only a vision at the bottom of a well, I am so flippin' happy he's back on GH. By the way, I barely recognized Stone 2010 without the long hair and denim vest ...

Stone 1993

While Robin is entertaining one very hot figment of her imagination down in that well, the rest of Port Charles is in a mad scramble to find her. Since when are Steve and Patrick experts in criminal psychology? Because they've taken it upon themselves to devise a little scheme to wear Lisa down enough that she'll spill where Robin is. It's a bit of a good cop-bad cop routine where Steve acts concerned for Robin and Patrick acts like she must have just taken off like she did when she had post-partum depression. Hmm. More like Keystone Cops.

Random Thoughts on the Past Few Weeks of General Hospital

So I haven't written a General Hospital recap in about two or three weeks now. Blame it on an especially hectic work schedule and the worst allergies I've had in years. By the time I get home, I have just enough energy to lay on the couch and catch up on that day's GH. Basically, The Nurses Station needs a nurse! Or something stronger than this pricey box of Claritan.

But even through the haze of this sinus headache and congestion, I've managed to put together some thoughts on the latest goings-on on my favorite soap. And since I miss my blog, and especially my blog friends, I thought I'd share them with you:

The Balkan Has Landed

"A crime boss is after me? Is he hot?"

Ah, GH, when in doubt, create another crime boss, huh? In addition to criminals attempting to shoot at her and slash her face, now Brenda has a notorious, never-before-seen crime lord named "The Balkan" who is bent on killing her. At least that's what Agent Bates from Interpol stopped by to tell her today. No one's quite sure why this mysterious figure would target Brenda, but Agent Bates leaves her with an ominous warning nonetheless: "The Balkan is not to be trifled with." Oh, and the eagle flies at midnight ... geez, Bates, could you tone down the theatrics? If you're really that worried, how about getting a couple guards over there, or putting a deadbolt on that terrace door? Anyways, not that I don't have the utmost faith in the GH writers .... bwahhahahahaha (sorry, tried to get that out without laughing) ... but something tells me that this storyline could go horribly wrong. I mean, remember dreadfully boring ol' Karpov from a couple years back? I barely do either, thank goodness.

Brenda appears unfazed by the news of The Balkan bounty on her head, and refuses to leave Rome, but once left alone, she quickly turns to General Hospital's version of Google for more info on the mystery crime lord. Hey, maybe she can teach Sonny how to use the Internet once they finally reunite.

"Oh sure, I Finder-Spyder my ex all the time."

Lisa Takes 'The Crazy Show' on the Road

"Will I still have time to catch the Nascar race?"

The Nurses Station took a mini-vacation last week (Sonny's island, of course ... where else?) but now I'm back in The Chuckles and ready to blog again. So what about that Lisa, huh? Desperate to paint Robin as the vengeful scorned wife, girlfriend goes and throws herself in front of Robin's car. Ouch. I've read a bunch of comments recently about how unrealistic this storyline is, but it kind of reminds me of that very real story that was in the news a few years back about the astronaut love triangle--the one in which the female astronaut drove hundreds of miles to confront "the other woman" while wearing an adult diaper so she didn't have to stop for bathroom breaks. Smart, professional woman loses it over love ... sound familiar? You know Lisa would break out the Depends in a heart beat if it helped to further her cause.

Perhaps scarier than even Lisa was Angry Uncle Mac when he found out that Patrick had cheated on Robin. Did you catch that look he shot Patrick?! I swore he was going to turn green and burst out of his clothes.

"I haven't had sex in 15 years. You bet I'm angry!"

While Emma Is Found, All Common Sense Is Lost

"No, I'm not attempting to breastfeed. I just figured showing three quarters of my boob might take some of the sting out of me kidnapping your daughter."

Just when you think Lisa's ramped up the crazy as far as it can go, she pulls yet another about-to-be-boiled rabbit out of her hat. As we learned on Friday, Patrick and Robin come home to find that Lisa stopped by to pick up Emma for ice cream ... and well, the nanny let her. While I'm glad poor, tired, overworked Mercedes is no longer caring for every child in Port Charles under the age of 18, I can't help but think this would have never happened on her watch.

You're no Mercedes, sweetheart. Oh, and you're fired.

Almost as unsettling as Lisa taking Patrick and Robin's child--and the nanny letting her--was the emergency response that followed. Patrick and Robin waste precious time arguing over whether to call the cops or search for Emma themselves. Um, your cell phone ... it's portable. So you can do both. And why wouldn't you call the cops immediately if a woman has taken your child without your permission? Especially a woman who you have recently had issues with?

My Open Letter to ABC: Why? Why Did You Let Ethan and Maya Murder Song and Dance?

Dear PTB (Powers That Be) at ABC,
I have been a faithful viewer of General Hospital and other select programming on your station for many years. As a loyal viewer, I have grown accustomed to what I thought was now a standard in television entertainment--the disclaimer at the beginning of a show that it may contain material that some would deem objectionable, offensive or otherwise difficult to watch.

You can imagine my surprise, then, when I sat down to watch today's episode of General Hospital, and without the benefit of such a cautionary disclaimer, was horrified by the sight of this on my television screen:

Desperation Leads Brook and Lisa to Play With Pills

If there was a lesson in today's General Hospital, it's that desperate women and pharmaceuticals just don't mix. Brook, on the verge of a one-way ticket back to Bensonhurst and thisclose to cashing in big courtesy of Carly, continues to pump Dante with beer laced with pills as a sure way to get him into bed. Honestly, I was really uncomfortable watching this whole thing unfold, and if Coleman hadn't shown up when he did, I think I would have fast-forwarded through much of it. (I'm sorry, I simply cannot fast-forward through Coleman, no matter what kind of crazy is going on around him).

Welcome Hoe, Stone Cold!

Oh Spinelli, what has become of you? I really use to love this crazy kid, but the writers have made him very "one note" as of late. When he was still with Maxie, it was all about his inferiority complex. And now that Spixie are no more, it's all about his borderline creepy Stone Cold adoration. Take today for example--the squealing, the giggling, the jumping up and down when he received the news of Stone Cold's "loop hole departure" from Pentonville. Yes, I get that these two are BFFs, but what use to be a very endearing friendship that I very much enjoyed is now just odd and uncomfortable to watch. I joked on Twitter earlier that we may soon see Spinelli cutting up Jason and Sam's photos a la Lisa ... but it wouldn't be much of a stretch if it actually happened. I mean, did I mention the squealing ...

And the jumping ...

General Hospital Travels Back to the Present, Brings Brenda Along

Just in case you happened to miss a promo or ten on ABC, it was finally "B Day" on General Hospital today ... that's right, the big return of Brenda Barrett! As these much-hyped returns usually go, I didn't expect to see much of her today, figuring we'd catch a glimpse of her at the very end. And aside from various shots of the back of her head throughout the episode, that's exactly what we got.

Lucky Packs Up Aiden, Census Worker Costume and Heads for Home

After all these years of watching General Hospital, I should know by now just to abandon all logic before I sit down to watch an episode. But damn it if it doesn't make my head hurt each and every time I insist on trying to make a storyline mesh with reality. So let me get this straight: Lucky finds Karen and the missing baby Aiden across the country in Oregon. He calls no one--no back-up, no nothing. He goes somewhere to change into a census worker costume he just happens to have on hand (I know I always pack a suit, dark-rimmed glasses and a clipboard  when I go on a stake-out) just so he can get a better read on the situation. When that doesn't work and Karen throws him out, he goes back to the house, now dressed as Lucky The Cop, with a story about how the baby is really his and it was kidnapped and wrongly given to Karen by her son, Franco, aka Bobby.

Mayor Floyd Officially Declares It 'Crazy-Ass Monday' in Port Charles

So much for General Hospital easing us back into the week. Mayor Floyd must have officially declared it Crazy Ass Monday over in Port Chuck today, because we got insanity on all kinds of levels. I don't know what was crazier: Franco thinking that an appropriate way to "give back" to his mother was in the form of a stolen newborn, or his mother for actually getting on board with the whole thing! By the end of the episode, she had named him Pablo (a big improvement over Buzz ... just sayin') and was envisioning their new life in Oregon. Yes, Oregon. Apparently, the West Coast agreed with Franco and he's relocating his mother and little Pablo there.

The Best Part of Waking Up Is Tasting Patrick on His Coffee Cup

Neither of the YouTube channels I use to watch General Hospital were updated today, so unfortunately, no screen shots from the episode (and boy, do I love my screen shots). But I do have a few thoughts on the episode to share, sans the visuals ...

First, thank goodness today was a little more exciting than yesterday. And trust me, compared to the sleep-inducing hour that was yesterday's episode, watching Mike flip pancakes at Kelly's would have been more exciting. But who needs Mike and pancakes when you have Lisa acting about eight shades of crazy? I have to say, the wackier she gets, the more entertained I become. And suddenly Googling men I'm interested in doesn't seem quite so stalkerish when you compare it to molesting someone's coffee cup. I mean, really ... "I can taste you on this cup"?! Hey Shadybrook ... "Incoming!" Dr. Lisa Niles is coming at you like a torpedo! Start changing the linens and getting a room ready.

Post-Francofrenia: Today's General Hospital Brought to You by Ambien

I know we've had a lot of excitement in Port Charles lately--deadly performance art, a raging Warren Bauer, a stolen baby, a drag queen-rendition of "Mad World"--the list is endless. So we probably all need a little downtime in The Chuckles, right? But today's episode was so "down," it probably should have been sponsored by Ambien, because it nearly put me to sleep. And that was even with the supply closet sex!

Twitter Poll Results: Which General Hospital Character You (and Nancy Lee Grahn!) Want to Date

Earlier this month, I wrote a Guest Column for EyeonSoaps.net about the overabundance of single men in Port Charles these days. It just didn't seem right to me that men like Ethan Lovett, Lucky Spencer, Steve Webber, Matt Hunter and even Sonny Corinthos were wandering around our favorite fictional town without female companionship.

While I didn't want to just rehash what I said on EyeonSoaps.net here on my blog, I did want to find a way to celebrate on The Nurses Station the beautiful men of Port Charles who we're privileged to spend an hour with each weekday. I had written a previous blog post entitled "I Want to Go to a Concert in the Park With Lucky," and it got me thinking: Which General Hospital character would all of you want to go on a date with, and where would you go? So I took to Twitter to conduct my first informal General Hospital poll.

Lockdown!

In the wake of the disappearance of Baby Aiden Cassadine--or Buzz, as Liz would like him to be called--General Hospital is put on emergency lockdown. No one can enter or exit the building, and everyone must clear the hallways. And surprise, surprise, the cop assigned to the case is none other than Lucky--also known by the nursing staff as that guy who was peering through the blinds into the delivery room during Buzzby's birth.