The Nurses Station

We Interrupt Our Regularly Scheduled Program to Bring You ... Good Writing

2010-11-27T20:59:00.002-05:00

There's nothing worse than an outdated blog, and mine has been growing stale for so long now, it might as well be covered in mold. While I'd like to tell you I've been busy traveling the world or doing something equally as exotic, the truth is ... well ... OK, I'll just say it: General Hospital has kinda sucked lately. And while I'm a long-time, loyal viewer who sticks by the show through good times and bad, the past several weeks have left me completely unentertained and uninspired. One week, I barely even watched any of the episodes, something that usually only happens if I'm away on vacation. But with so much good TV available to me on my overpriced cable package, I couldn't see carving out time to watch most of General Hospital fly by my screen on fast-forward.

There have been some glimmers of hope. I am a die-hard Sonny and Brenda fan from back in the 1990s, and while I have been mostly disappointed with how the writers have handled Brenda's return thus far, I absolutely loved S&B's scenes this past week in their old apartment. I've also enjoyed Lucky and Siobhan's scenes lately (is it just me, or does Lucky look sexier ever since he started gettin' some?) and I like watching Liz get her panties in a twist over it. And even though I thought it was absurd that Sam shipped Michael off to a hotel room with a woman who was willing to take money in exchange for having sex with a tortured 18-year-old virgin, I like the dynamic between Michael and Abby so far.

Sadly though, the General Hospital episodes that I've enjoyed the most in the past few months are the ones that have been repeats, from the Brenda-focused ones that replayed leading up to her return to this past Friday's Jason Morgan marathon on SoapNet. Yes, I'm sure some of the enjoyment of those episodes is the nostalgia factor--remembering when I first watched those stories play out, seeing characters that are no longer on the show, and seeing how those who still are on the show have changed over the years (skinny Jason! Luke with hair! when Nikolas was hot!)

But let's face it, those episodes also are so enjoyable because the writing was so much better. I miss when the show had a better balance of characters (I don't hate Dante, but yikes, we see him every single day), and well-thought-out and well-executed storylines. Sure, soaps are known for over-the-top stories that can be a little outside the realm of reality, but you can still take the time and care to fully develop those stories in a way that doesn't leave your viewers scratching their heads and grabbing for their remotes.

For me, the Lisa-Scrubs storyline is a prime example of this. This was actually one of my favorite storylines after Lisa and Patrick slept together and Robin found out. Crazy Lisa was fun to watch and fun to hate, and the emotional fallout between Patrick and Robin was so engaging that it made me care about a couple that I never really cared much about before. And as a huge bonus, we got Stone (STONE!!!) down in a well with Robin as she tried to sort the whole thing out.

But post-Robin in the well, this storyline has dragged on into absurdity. I mean, Lisa somehow finds a witch costume identical to Robin's in record time, signs herself out of work to follow around Robin and Emma in said witch costume, and takes advantage of a random moment when Robin's back is turned to grab Emma in her stroller, take her around the corner and leave her? Huh?? That's not psychotic, that's just silly. And then Uncle Mac's house happens to catch on fire, and while this actually isn't one of Lisa's crazy stunts, she just happens to be driving by at the exact moment the house is engulfed with flames, so it just looks like she did it ... stop this ride, please, I'd like to get off. Because I'm really tired of hearing the same conversation over and over and over again: Robin whining that Lisa is crazy, Lisa defending herself, Robin whining that Patrick doesn't believe her, Patrick defending himself. At this point, I'd like to drop all three of them down a well and throw a huge house party in the abandoned cabin that is surely located conveniently nearby in order to drown out their screams.

If you missed the Jason Morgan marathon on SoapNet, look up "Robin and Jason Hospital Break-up" on YouTube for a prime example of how good this show USED to be. This is Jason post-accident and yet the man talks ... a lot! He even cries! He exhibits a range of emotions that I haven't seen from "Stone Cold" in, well, I can't even remember how long. And bottom line, it's good, dramatic, engaging, emotional writing that is true to both of the characters involved.

New Poll! What Would You Like to See Permanently Banned From General Hospital?

2010-10-17T13:12:00.004-04:00

I've posted a new poll here at the Nurses Station (in the upper right-hand corner of the site)--What would you like to see permanently banned from General Hospital?--and I thought I'd break down the choices for you in case you're having trouble deciding. Also, feel free to expand on your choice, or suggest a choice I may have overlooked, in the comments section.

Suzanne's Cleavage
When Brenda's assistant Suzanne arrived on General Hospital, well, she came baring gifts (see what I did there?). Now, wherever she goes--Rome, Port Charles--it's a sure bet that her overexposed cleavage will be leading the way. Suzanne is an attractive woman, but she's doing herself a disservice with this far-from-flattering look day in and day out. It also doesn't help that she appears to have gotten a really bad sunburn on her chest and forgotten to moisturize afterwards--the words wrinkled, discolored and blotchy come to mind. Plus, if her tops' necklines get any lower, GH is going to have to move over to cable.

Here's hoping those brusk upstate New York winters encourage Suzanne to invest in some turtlenecks and scarves.

Brenda's Laugh

I like to refer to it as "glass-shattering," and no offense to Jason, but I think it's Brenda's best defense against the Balkan. Yes, I'm talking about that maniacal laugh of hers that she breaks into without warning. Cities may crumble in the wake of that high-pitched cackle. I love Brenda to pieces, but her laugh, much like her assistant's cleavage, could be categorized as a weapon of mass destruction. Not to mention, I have a hard time believing that anything is truly THAT funny.

Lucky's Irish Accent and Attire

When Lucky went undercover as Ronan O'Reilly, he adopted an Irish brogue and an unfortunate wardrobe that I'm sure General Hospital felt just screamed "Irish gun-for-hire." (More like "tacky," GH wardrobe peeps.) Both have quickly become irritating. I'm convinced that Jonathan Jackson had to learn an Irish accent for a previous role, and not wanting the skill to go to waste, has insisted it be written into his GH scripts. If you recall, he also pulled out "The Logue" (Lucky brogue) when trying to break into Helena's residence in Greece to save his father.

I'm hopeful though that we're getting a reprieve from both the accent and that black, plastic, garbage bag-looking jacket he's been wearing for weeks now. Now that Siobhan knows his true identity, he doesn't have to keep up the accent as much, and on Friday's episode, he finally lost that fashion don't of a jacket. Just because you're playing a killer, Lucky, doesn't mean you can't look good doing it. And no, black plastic does not make you look older than 14, or any tougher. The pinkie ring's a nice touch though.

Ethan and Maya's Dance Sequences

I think you all know how I feel about these. If by some chance you don't, click here.

Siobhan's Knit Caps

I've never been to Ireland, but I am going to give the fine folks of that country far more fashion credit than GH has, if the way they've been dressing "Ronan" and Siobhan is any indication. While, just like Lucky's jacket, we may be getting a reprieve from Siobhan's hats--as Friday was the first day we actually saw the top of her head--for weeks now, she's been running around Dublin wearing oversized caps that made me wonder, "Just what in the world is she hiding under there?!" (The best suggestion I heard--I can't remember if it was my own or someone else's on Twitter--was the corpse of the real Ronan O'Reilly ... hee hee.)

I'm not sure what the weather is like in Ireland at this time of year, but Siobhan seems to be the only one trying to ward off the cold.

Dante's Badge Necklace

I guess at some point GH decided that we may forget that Dante's a cop, so they strung a ginormous badge around his neck to remind us. Or perhaps its true purpose is to deflect bullets, should his father Sonny decide to shoot him point-blank in the chest again. Dante's continued to wear it, even after blinding a man on the docks after the sun reflected off of the badge and into the poor man's eyes. Seriously though, it just looks plain silly, and I'm not sure how the man is able to walk upright under the weight of that badge, plus all of the other chains he wears.

Thanks to About.com: General Hospital Fans for this image.

Welcome to Bittertown. Population: Claire

2010-10-13T21:02:00.002-04:00

Boy, did I pick the wrong day to set time aside for a GH recap. Even with two major characters returning to the Chuckles, there was very little in the way of action--unless you consider Max and Milo groping each other on Jason's couch as "action." (More on that later.)

Oh Claire, bitter does not look good on you, girl. Dumped by Sonny faster than you can say "what woman in Port Charles hasn't he taken to the island," she's channeling her hurt feelings back into that whole "I'm going to put Sonny away for life" nonsense. Yawn. Because that worked out so well the first time you tried it. And we all know, Claire, that you're just a homemade pasta dinner and a silk robe away from crying "conflict of interest" to your superiors again. But after finding Michael in Sonny's office, she threatens to report the parole violation and send Michael back to Pentonville. Ah yes, the infamous Judge Carroll and his terms of parole still loom large.

Of course, as Jason points out, no one wants to see Michael sent back to prison. But later, Ronnie Domestico encourages Claire to use the threat of sending Michael back to prison as leverage to get Jason to turn on Sonny and give up evidence. Even worse, Claire has apparently torn a page out of Suzanne's cleavage handbook and decided the best way to sell the girls is to put them out in the store window.

Last seen in Ireland, the land of a thousand fake brogues, Luke Spencer is now back in Port Charles, picking up right where he left off months ago--hungover and bickering with Tracy. She even clunks him over the head with a liquor bottle, like she's re-christening an old ship that has pulled back into the harbor.

Later, after the Bickersons have departed, two thugs who look like they were pulled off the set of Miami Vice circa 1988 show up to the Haunted Star looking for Luke, and question Ethan about why his dear daddy was in Ireland visiting Ronan O'Reilly. When Ethan can't provide the answers they're looking for, they give him a good, old-fashion beatdown. Really guys, must you rough up our best mate when he's actually having a good hair day? Savages.

Also returning to the Chuckles today were Liz and the boys, including baby Aiden (everyone appears to have given up on the "Buzz" nickname). Liz returns to Windamere to learn of Nikolas and Brook's (I like Brikolas myself) new-found "friendship." She also learns that Nikolas is moving on, as he tells her that he's realized that "unfortunately things will never work out for us as a couple." No more sex in the turret room for you, missy.

Liz then returns to GH just as the dust is settling in the wake of the whole Lisa-Robin-Patrick scandal. Epiphany has even "ripped Patrick a new one," to quote the eloquent Maya Ward. But the tenth floor nurses station just isn't the same without Lisa and her crazy eyes and her crazy hairdos and her crazy hijinx. We love you, Epiphany, but you'll need to at least destroy a locker or two if you want more airtime.

Finally, back at Casa de Stone Cold, men and women are losing their shiznit while Brenda practices yoga upstairs. Milo, who has been inspired by The Divine One to learn about fashion, declares Max "a winter" and criticizes his choice of tie. Diane wants to know all about a vintage gown Brenda recently wore. And Spinelli is trying to keep everyone in line as the lovely Ms. Barrett attempts to achieve inner balance and peace. It eventually breaks out into the aforementioned fight between Max and Milo, and I'm pretty certain Spinelli's head gets dangerously close to Milo's ass.

Later, Maxie shows up in a short skirt and high heels to stage a Spinelli "intervention." She handcuffs the Jackal and attempts to take her with him, but he refuses to budge.

I thought this might turn into a cute Spixie moment but it all goes horribly wrong as Spinelli points out that Maxie shouldn't be so concerned with Brenda hurting him after she herself ran over him like roadkill, and Maxie insults the Jackal by saying that Brenda would never like someone like him. Ouch. He looks like he'd rather have Milo's ass teetering over his head again rather than exchange another word with his ex-non-wife.

So yeah, as I said, a rather dull day in the Chuckles. What storylines are you particularly interested in right now?

Like Giving Candy to a Baby: Thoughts on Hooker-gate

2010-10-06T15:06:00.000-04:00

After watching both Monday's and Tuesday's episodes of General Hospital last night, and following related conversations on Twitter, I had to include my two cents on the Michael-hooker story line. I'm not going to comment on the morality of prostitution—that's for you to decide—but I would like to comment on the quality of the storytelling.

Michael has been dealing with episodes of severe trauma since birth. In the last couple years alone, he has been shot in the head; miraculously woken up from a coma, but with serious brain damage; subsequently dealt with issues of rage that has resulted in verbal and physical violence; killed his stepmother; and been sent to prison. And yes, the prison rape that has not been formally mentioned, but that Jason seems well aware of. If anyone on God's green earth needs a therapist, is it not Michael? On a show that rushes women into Shadybrook on the reg, why has this child not even sat down with a counselor?

Even more perplexing, his loved ones lined up in court to plead with Judge Carroll to sentence Michael to "counseling and community service" instead of prison. When he was released from prison, he was given the community service as well as the added bonus of having to live with Dante and never seeing his father, Sonny. Um, where's the counseling, people?

I always joke that GH viewing requires one to check their grasp of reality at the door, but this "Michael wants a hooker" story line that is now playing out confounds me in all sorts of ways. First, after all the shouting of "He needs counseling, not prison!" why doesn't counseling now even cross Jason or Sam's minds? Sam did say that Michael's "not ready" to talk to a counselor ... yet he's ready for a paid sexual experience? I just don't understand how in a matter of two episodes, this poor, disturbed kid has been rushed into a hotel room by two influential adults in his life with an obviously much older stranger named Candy (er, Abigail) who has accepted money to have sex with him.

If counseling is somehow not in the realm of possibility, why didn't Sam or Jason suggest that perhaps Michael is not ready to be involved with girls on any level at this point in his life until he gets some kind of hold on his demons? I love Michael, and I sympathize with him--and I like this blonde friend of Kristina's that he's becoming involved with (I forget her name, so I'll call her Party Girl ... because "Party Girl Who Has a Friend Who DJs" was too long)--but it disturbs me that he's verbally attacked Party Girl at least twice now and yet they're still pursuing each other. I can't help but think that poor Party Girl shouldn't put up with a guy speaking to/yelling at her that way, regardless of his tragic back story. Oh, and when I last left Michael at the end of Tuesday's episode, he was physically attacking Candy-Abby. Attacking women is not the way one works through their issues, GH.

Also nonsensical ... Everyone is soooo worried that the least little thing will get Michael shipped back off to Pentonville. The last I checked, prostitution is illegal, and Port Charles is not Vegas or Amsterdam. So why didn't anyone mention to Michael that if he got caught paying for sex, he surely would get shipped back to Pentonville faster than Sonny dumped Claire Walsh? That seems to be a major flaw in the storytelling. God forbid you have a conversation with your father or you'll get sent back to prison, yet please feel free to engage in a blatantly illegal act.

So on today's GH ... Michael does an internship at a meth lab! I kid, but really ... would it make any less sense than what's been playing out these last two days?

What do you think?

STONE!!!

2010-09-29T21:32:00.000-04:00

Kleenex, my fellow GHers. Lots and lots of Kleenex. That's how I got through today's Robin and Stone scenes. It was all kinds of emotional and heart wrenching and nostalgic. And sweet bajeezus, if Michael Sutton doesn't look even hotter than he did in the 90s.

Let's just take a moment to bask in the Stone-ness of it all, shall we?

Content Stone

Playful Stone

Attentive Stone

I particularly loved when he told Robin at the end, "That's why I'm here. Because I'm part of you."

And then, completely ruining my Stone high, there was just a whole lot of nonsense mixed in between. Let's just get this whole Ethan thing out of the way first. Now, I love Ethan's character and think he's all kinds of cute ... but I don't understand what happens with this man's hair sometimes. Just when it seemed like he had finally moved past the half-bun ... you remember the half-bun, right? ...

apparently now he has gone to the local hair salon and asked for the Charles Manson.

And while I understand they're "mates" and all, why is Ethan asking to use Johnny's penthouse for his dates? Isn't that just a little odd and even borderline creepy (like, are they gonna get busy in there)? If a guy took me on a date to another guy's apartment, I'm pretty sure it would make me realize that I was dating the wrong guy. But aside from some initial resistance, our gal Maya seems relatively unfazed. So much so that, yes people, I'm afraid to say there was more of it. Yes, I mean dancing. But on this Day of Stone, I refuse to dwell on the horrific. A few deep cleansing breathes and all should be right with the world again. Take it away, Spinelli ...

OOOOMMMMM

OK, good as new! Now on to Ireland, the land of a thousand fake brogues. Siobhan is still hiding in the closet, listening to Lucky, Dante and Lulu prattle on about how Lucky's working undercover as Ronan O'Reilly. The three leave and Siobhan exits the apartment, thinking the coast is clear. But Lucky returns in time to catch her leaving and realizes his cover is blown. He runs after her to confront her and even tries giving her one more dose of the O'Reilly brogue. But it's too little, too late for our favorite leprechaun, as the Irish jig is definitely up.

While Lucky's trying to win over Siobhan with the old "my fiance slept with my brother" line, Dante and Lulu are dodging herds of sheep in the Irish country ...

So that's where we'll likely pick things up tomorrow--dodging sheep in the Irish countryside. And I'll be going through Post Traumatic Stone Syndrome. For as much as I loved that he was brought back, I can't believe he's gone already. And as much as I'm a faithful GH watcher to this day, it's just another reminder, like those classic episodes leading up to Brenda's return, of how good this show use to be.

One for the (Stone) Ages

2010-09-28T21:24:00.004-04:00

Stone 2010

STONE!! He was only on for a minute or two at the end of today's episode, but I'm still freaking out like Brooklynn on a private jet to France. Honestly, I don't know if I can compose myself long enough to say anything other than ... STONE!!! I loved this character beyond words and even if he's only a vision at the bottom of a well, I am so flippin' happy he's back on GH. By the way, I barely recognized Stone 2010 without the long hair and denim vest ...

Stone 1993

While Robin is entertaining one very hot figment of her imagination down in that well, the rest of Port Charles is in a mad scramble to find her. Since when are Steve and Patrick experts in criminal psychology? Because they've taken it upon themselves to devise a little scheme to wear Lisa down enough that she'll spill where Robin is. It's a bit of a good cop-bad cop routine where Steve acts concerned for Robin and Patrick acts like she must have just taken off like she did when she had post-partum depression. Hmm. More like Keystone Cops.

"You may have the world's greatest pecs, but I'M the world's great neurosurgeon!"

Maxie is handling the crisis by asking Johnny to use his mob connections to find Robin. I was wondering, though: If she needed mob connections, why not go straight to the mob gold standard, Sonny Corinthos? Especially given Sonny's close ties to Robin?

Mac is also taking matters into his own hands. After dismissing Patrick's claims just yesterday that Robin had met with foul play, in today's episode, he's convinced that Lisa kidnapped her. And he's willing to throw the PCPD rule book out of the window to find her, authorizing an illegal search of Lisa's car and apartment and arresting Doc Niles in the middle of General Hospital. Once he has her in the interrogation room, Angry "I haven't had sex in 15 years" Mac rears his ugly head. I like when Mac told her that she was not the first whack job he's dealt with. I also liked when he started spitting out names--Ryan Chamberlain, Faith Rosco, Jerry Jax--that probably meant nothing to a Port Charles newbie like Lisa. I mean, really Mac, way to kick it old school with the Ryan Chamberlain reference.

"No really, it's the universal sign for choking. I learned it in med school."

Of course, no one asking Sonny for his help in finding one of his dearest friends has freed him up to spend more time with Claire Walsh.

"Let's see if my super sperm can penetrate this afghan."

Honestly, these two just bore me. I pretty much felt like Molly did when she rolled her eyed while Sonny and Claire were planning their spur-of-the-moment beach getaway. You could probably hold a Miss America pageant with the number of women who have heard that "pack light and bring a bathing suit" line from Sonny. By the way, I loved when Sonny said to Molly "it was me she was after" in regards to Claire causing Michael to be sent to prison, and Molly responded, "I guess she got you now" ... ha! That kid usually loses me on the poetry and the match-making, but she was a riot today.

"That old line again, Uncle Sonny?"

Have I mentioned lately just how much I love Jason and Brenda (or Brazen if you will)? I adore anytime these two are on screen together, and have been loving Jason's time in Rome. I love their bickering, their chemistry, their whole brother-sister/love-hate/frenemy dynamic. Case in point:

Brenda: My heart's not safe there!
Jason: Your heart? That's not my problem.

Brazen!

And I loved Brenda's tearful speech that came after that exchange about why she doesn't want to go back to Port Charles: "I don't want to be around people I love. I don't want to be around people who can hurt me." Sniff. Sniff.

In case you missed today's episode, you missed practically nothing over in Ireland. Lucky is still talking in that accent, even to Dante while Dante is blatantly talking about him being undercover. Lulu, who really isn't a cop or otherwise qualified, is still on another continent somehow trying to save her brother from a notorious, deadly crime figure. Siobhan the Irish chick is still storing something--a cat, dead bodies, the Blarney Stone--underneath that knit cap on her head. Oh right, there was one new development: Siobhan and her knit cap stowed away in "Ronan O'Reilly's" closet long enough to hear Lulu, Dante and Lucky in his Yankee accent talking about how he's undercover as Ronan.

"So it 'tis the real Ronan O'Reilly under me cap."

Oh, and before I wrap up this recap, I'll leave you with one last thought on today's GH ... STONE!!!

Random Thoughts on the Past Few Weeks of General Hospital

2010-09-18T20:07:00.002-04:00

So I haven't written a General Hospital recap in about two or three weeks now. Blame it on an especially hectic work schedule and the worst allergies I've had in years. By the time I get home, I have just enough energy to lay on the couch and catch up on that day's GH. Basically, The Nurses Station needs a nurse! Or something stronger than this pricey box of Claritan.

But even through the haze of this sinus headache and congestion, I've managed to put together some thoughts on the latest goings-on on my favorite soap. And since I miss my blog, and especially my blog friends, I thought I'd share them with you:

Ronan O ... Really?
If you're a regular reader of my blog, or if you follow me on Twitter, you know I adore Lucky (as reincarnated by Jonathan Jackson) and definitely relish in any screen time he gets. But this Ronan O'Reilly storyline? OK, I know enough by now to leave a grasp of reality at the door when General Hospital comes on, but this is far-fetched even by soap standards. So Lucky just happens to look EXACTLY like this Irish killer dude, to the point where people who knew Ronan O'Reilly don't suspect that Lucky is a different guy? The writers couldn't have come up with anything more plausible than this? Ugh. Not to mention, I think Jonathan Jackson must have worked it into his contract that he must be able to do his Irish accent every couple of months on the show. We're BFFs forever, Lucky, but the finger I use to hit fast-forward on my DVR is starting to twitch when Ronan O'Reilly comes on.

Brenda's Laugh Vs. Suzanne's Cleavage
It's almost like GH added four characters instead of two when it brought on Brenda and her assistant Suzanne, if you count Brenda's glass-shattering laugh and Suzanne's ever-growing cleavage. When all four are on screen together, I'm afraid my TV is going to explode.

If Brenda Won't Come to Port Charles ...
Well, Port Charles will just have to come to Brenda. While I still wish Brenda would get on over to The Chuckles already, it has been good to finally see her interacting with some of our favorite characters. I loved watching her reunion with Sonny (it was too short and their parting was anticlimactic ... but at least I know we haven't seen the last of them together) and I'm equally enjoying her scenes now with Jason. Those two together have always cracked me up ... I love their love-hate brother-sister type relationship. And I never get tired of skinny Jason flashbacks.

Where Have I Seen This Storyline Before?
First, the Nikolas-Brook Lynn storyline reminded me of My Fair Lady. You know, the rich gentleman tries to refine the poor low-class girl. But given Brook's history, maybe Pretty Woman is a better movie comparison. I'm not a huge Brook Lynn fan, and Nikolas I can usually take or leave. So the two of them together ... well, I'd almost rather watch Spencer in a sweater vest play in a sandbox. The writers definitely threw me a curve ball with this pairing and, who knows, maybe it'll grow on me ... but for now, I'm ready for both of them to ship off to that chateau in France Nikolas keeps rattling on about. Bon Voyage!

Killin' Time in Between Brenda
There was a time when I was actually starting to like Claire. But I'm well over that now. And I'm just plain bored by her with Sonny. I'm placing a call to Judge Carroll to see if he can get her shipped on back to DC. He's got crazy powers like that.

Lisa and Scrubs
The Lisa, Robin and Patrick storyline has been one of my favorites. Brianna Brown has made straight-up crazy very entertaining to watch, and I thought the emotional scenes between Robin and Patrick after Patrick revealed the truth about sleeping with Lisa were some of the best I've seen on GH in a long time. I've been patient with this somewhat convoluted scheme of Patrick and Robin's to make Lisa believe that she has, in fact, torn the couple apart for good. But after watching this past Friday's episode, I'm a little confused with where the writers are taking the storyline now. Patrick and Maxie practically yelling about the "secret" plan in the middle of General Hospital? Um, did you guys think sneaky, conniving Lisa wasn't going to hear you? Girlfriend lives to lurk around hospital corners.

Other Thoughts

Carly and Jax fight one day, make up the next (including one very naked day in Jax's office a week or so ago), then fight again ... I've lost track as well as my will to care. I did think it was hilarious that one time, post-naked, when Carly had the Post-it in her hair!
I really enjoy Kristina and Ethan's scenes together. I'm totally on board with the possibility of the two of them becoming a couple one day, although it is a little difficult to get over just how much younger Kristina looks compared to Ethan.
Maya and Ethan ... OK, there was a kiss recently, but I'm proud to report that there has been no more dancing! I repeat: No more dancing! Prayers. Answered.
A Coleman sighting made my day earlier this week, although I wonder what will become of my favorite bartender now that Megan Ward, and Kate, will be leaving GH for good? No more custom shirts?

The Balkan Has Landed

2010-08-31T22:03:00.000-04:00

"A crime boss is after me? Is he hot?"

Ah, GH, when in doubt, create another crime boss, huh? In addition to criminals attempting to shoot at her and slash her face, now Brenda has a notorious, never-before-seen crime lord named "The Balkan" who is bent on killing her. At least that's what Agent Bates from Interpol stopped by to tell her today. No one's quite sure why this mysterious figure would target Brenda, but Agent Bates leaves her with an ominous warning nonetheless: "The Balkan is not to be trifled with." Oh, and the eagle flies at midnight ... geez, Bates, could you tone down the theatrics? If you're really that worried, how about getting a couple guards over there, or putting a deadbolt on that terrace door? Anyways, not that I don't have the utmost faith in the GH writers .... bwahhahahahaha (sorry, tried to get that out without laughing) ... but something tells me that this storyline could go horribly wrong. I mean, remember dreadfully boring ol' Karpov from a couple years back? I barely do either, thank goodness.

Brenda appears unfazed by the news of The Balkan bounty on her head, and refuses to leave Rome, but once left alone, she quickly turns to General Hospital's version of Google for more info on the mystery crime lord. Hey, maybe she can teach Sonny how to use the Internet once they finally reunite.

"Oh sure, I Finder-Spyder my ex all the time."

Speaking of Sonny, Claire manages to rush him right into a late-night bail hearing in hopes of getting him into the slammer ASAP. It's so rushed that Judge Carroll's in the middle of a wild strip bingo game, and they have to call in Judge Hamaad to fill in for him. It's not looking so good that Judge Hamaad will grant the perpetually charged Sonny bail--that is, until Officer Falconeri takes the stand in his father's defense. See, Dante is certain that Sonny would never skip bail and leave his kids, he tells the court. And damned if it doesn't work. For a few million dollars, our lovable mobster is once again a free man.

"Weaker ... without my huge badge necklace ... I'm getting weeeaaakkkeeerr ...."

No sooner than you can say, "Dante got played," Sonny is on the next plane out of Port Charles. Destination: Brenda. The thing that really disturbed me about this whole storyline today? Why did Sonny take the Yankees tickets with him? Couldn't he have slipped those in the envelope to Carly to give to Morgan? Poor kid's been talking about that Yankees game since Joe DiMaggio was in uniform. And why only three tickets? Did Dante get kicked out of the Corinthos Boys Baseball Club?

Once Brenda shows you how to use the Internet, please put those up on Stub Hub so they don't go to waste.

I was also a bit confused by my now-favorite Scrubs-Lisa storyline today. Mac makes a point of saying that there's no proof that Lisa trashed Robin's photos, stole her HIV meds or took Emma without permission--even though Lisa herself has admitted to taking Emma without permission--let alone threw herself in front of Robin's car. Yet Robin is the only suspect in the trashing of Lisa's locker, even though there's not a shred of evidence to tie her to it?

And what about fair-weather Matt Hunter? Lisa calls Matt into her hospital room to try to convince him that Robin is the crazy one, not her ... and Matt believes her--you know, the woman he barely knows who slept with his married brother--over his sister-in-law. And then he promptly finds Patrick and confronts him with his new theory. The whole thing--Matt quickly siding with Lisa over Robin--makes so little sense that I fear this might be one of GH's famous ploys to fabricate friction between Matt and Maxie. By the way, where is our favorite fashion editor these days? Robin and Lulu sure could use the back-up.

"I'll believe anything you say. I'm just happy to actually be on screen for once."

So yes, Lulu's going through some drama back at Dante's apartment, but honestly, her, Carly and Brook Lynn in a room together just made my head hurt. As I predicted, after Brook pulled the plug on Carly's scheme, Carly spun it in a way that made her look more caring cousin than vengeful bitch. See, she knows what it's like to be with a man who has the Corinthos genes scorching through his loins, and she wanted to save Lulu from the same heartache she experienced with Dante's father. Lulu actually seems to buy it, even though Brook tried her best to set the record straight. Yeah, sorry Brook, prostitution and attempted rape tend to tarnish one's credibility. You can probably still scam the pretzel vendor though back in Bensonhurst.

"You will not sing "These Boots Are Made For Walking" at the next karaoke night. That's MY song!"

So Balkan or bust? Are you intrigued, or rolling your eyes at the TV set?

Lisa Takes 'The Crazy Show' on the Road

2010-08-30T21:32:00.001-04:00

"Will I still have time to catch the Nascar race?"

The Nurses Station took a mini-vacation last week (Sonny's island, of course ... where else?) but now I'm back in The Chuckles and ready to blog again. So what about that Lisa, huh? Desperate to paint Robin as the vengeful scorned wife, girlfriend goes and throws herself in front of Robin's car. Ouch. I've read a bunch of comments recently about how unrealistic this storyline is, but it kind of reminds me of that very real story that was in the news a few years back about the astronaut love triangle--the one in which the female astronaut drove hundreds of miles to confront "the other woman" while wearing an adult diaper so she didn't have to stop for bathroom breaks. Smart, professional woman loses it over love ... sound familiar? You know Lisa would break out the Depends in a heart beat if it helped to further her cause.

Perhaps scarier than even Lisa was Angry Uncle Mac when he found out that Patrick had cheated on Robin. Did you catch that look he shot Patrick?! I swore he was going to turn green and burst out of his clothes.

"I haven't had sex in 15 years. You bet I'm angry!"

Off on another continent, Brenda and Murphy continued to spread the black plague of boredom all across Italy. I love Brenda, and I don't even mind Murphy, but really ... could there be any less chemistry between these two? I think I drifted off into a power nap right after "Yes, I'll marry you." Zzzzzz ....

"I swear, stirrup pants are back. She's wearing a pair right now. Just like in the 80s!"

I love Jason and Sam, but for the past few days, these two have been running around dodging bullets, and I'm really not sure why. Yes, something about those pesky Lopez brothers again, but why are we spending so much time on this? And why do these things always take place in the woods and always with an abandoned cabin conveniently nearby? I did have to laugh when Jason and Sam shared a romantic moment over a dead Lopez brother.

"This is almost as hot as that time I called you on the pay phone at Pentonville."

Then, oddly, Lucky showed up in the middle of the whole thing. Huh?

"See, I wasn't just happy to see you. It really was a gun in my pocket."

Apparently, the PCPD interrogation room has the same visitor policy as Pentonville, because Sonny barely had a moment's rest with the parade of people who marched in to see him ... Bernie, Dante, Olivia, Diane, Michael.

"I came down here to tell you ... I still think my chili is better than yours."

I did have to laugh at this exchange between Sonny and Olivia:

Sonny: "I'm never going to shoot an unarmed man again."
Olivia: "Why don't you just not shoot anyone?"
Sonny:" Well, it's a little too late for that, Olivia."

And I teared up a little at this exchange between Sonny and Michael:

Sonny: "You've been a gift--the greatest gift of my life."
Michael: "I love you. And I'm so proud to be your son."

Sniff, sniff.

Meanwhile, Brook thinks she can actually out-Carly Carly. And the thing is, she just might have. First though, she tries to convince Carly, just back from her Martha's Vineyard vacation with the kids, that Lulu and Dante are indeed broken up and she should collect the money Carly promised her. But Carly's not buying it, not without proof--and if Brook can't produce it, well, you guessed it. She's on the next bus back to Bensonhurst. So then Brook threatens to go to Lulu with the truth about Carly's scheme ... and damn if she doesn't do just that. But Lulu's not buying it, not yet at least, and calls Carly to come over and straighten the whole mess out.

"I'm calling Carly to tell us once and for all who's wearing the tackier outfit!"

When pressed, Carly comes clean and admits to paying Brook to seduce Dante, right as the episode ended. Hmm. But there's gotta be a way Carly will try to spin this to make herself look good, right?

While it may not sound like it, it was a fairly uneventful day in the Chuckles. What did you think of the episode?

While Emma Is Found, All Common Sense Is Lost

2010-08-23T22:14:00.000-04:00

"No, I'm not attempting to breastfeed. I just figured showing three quarters of my boob might take some of the sting out of me kidnapping your daughter."

Just when you think Lisa's ramped up the crazy as far as it can go, she pulls yet another about-to-be-boiled rabbit out of her hat. As we learned on Friday, Patrick and Robin come home to find that Lisa stopped by to pick up Emma for ice cream ... and well, the nanny let her. While I'm glad poor, tired, overworked Mercedes is no longer caring for every child in Port Charles under the age of 18, I can't help but think this would have never happened on her watch.

You're no Mercedes, sweetheart. Oh, and you're fired.

Almost as unsettling as Lisa taking Patrick and Robin's child--and the nanny letting her--was the emergency response that followed. Patrick and Robin waste precious time arguing over whether to call the cops or search for Emma themselves. Um, your cell phone ... it's portable. So you can do both. And why wouldn't you call the cops immediately if a woman has taken your child without your permission? Especially a woman who you have recently had issues with?

Even worse was Dr. Steve's advice to Patrick once he arrived at the hospital and filled him in on the situation: "Oh, just keep trying her on her cell phone. Eventually she'll pick up." Eventually the woman who may have kidnapped and run off with your daughter will pick up the phone? I think Steve thinks best when he's half naked in a towel in the hospital locker room. All that clothing is clouding his judgment.

"I don't know what I was thinking before while I was clothed. What I meant to say is that you should immediately call the cops and have them issue an Amber Alert for Emma ..."

Despite the Keystone Cops running around town banging their heads together, Emma was indeed found, on Patrick and Robin's couch with Lisa, her boobs and a couple of cups of ice cream. Before Robin arrives back at the house, Lisa tells Patrick how much fun Emma had with her and how great the three of them would be together if, you know, something were to happen to Robin.

"Shit just got real."

Sonny returns home post-Johnny shooting to find Dante waiting for him. There's a lot of chatter back and forth between the two, but basically Sonny fesses up to shooting Johnny and convinces Dante that it was indeed in self-defense. See, Sonny's charm doesn't just work on the ladies. Dante starts to soften a bit to the "mobster with the heart of gold." Oh, if only Jax were there to witness it so he could get even more bitter and angry and Sonny-obsessed. But he's back at the Metro Court bar with Claire--or at least that's what I think I saw as I was fast-forwarding through it.

Meanwhile, Ronnie Domestico is disposing of the evidence--Johnny's gun--that could prove that Sonny is telling the truth this time about the shooting. An even worse crime than evidence tampering was stealing Dante's huge badge necklace and trying to pass it off as his own.

"When the light reflects off of it, I can guide ships in from the Port Charles Harbor."

A very strange scene is going on at General Hospital. Johnny is wheeled in with his gunshot wound to the chest, and Dr. Steve recruits Maya (now nicknamed "Freeze-pop" in the nurses' lounge for how she froze when Ethan was shot) to redeem herself and help him work on Johnny. Johnny may be officially superhuman if he's able to survive multiple gunshot wounds and a surgical assistant from Freeze-alicious. By the way, if Johnny had a gunshot wound to his chest, why was Dr. Steve stitching up his side? Oh Stevie, are you gonna have to start practicing medicine in your towel too?

"This whole thing made a lot more sense when I was back in the locker room splashing Old Spice on my pecks."

Johnny's gunshot wound was also cause for Maya and Ethan to reunite for the first time since ... well, you know ... the dance. (Just in case you're wondering, ABC still has not responded to my open letter about that little travesty. Savages.) Thankfully, this time I was just bored and not emotionally scarred. But really though, Ethan has more chemistry with Tina, the nanny who just got fired at Patrick and Robin's. And no, they've never been on screen together.

"I'm telling you, Coleman won't reopen Jake's until we promise never to dance in public again. There's a form we have to sign and have notarized."

I didn't quite get Ethan's callousness towards Johnny's shooting, a man who just earlier that day he called his "best mate." Ethan acts like the only reason he's upset over Johnny's condition is because his meal ticket might end. He even uses the dire situation as an excuse to flirt with Maya, telling her "Save Johnny and I'll owe you one. That should be incentive." I usually love Ethan (except when he's doing his Lord of the Dance impression) so this kinda threw me. Has the bromance ended already? Or, is Ethan just hiding his true feeling underneath that rodeo shirt and bicycle-tire chains?

Across the ocean in Rome, Brenda is meeting with our old friend Willy, the curator of Franco's exhibits. Willy is trying to convince Brenda to work with the serial killer artist, but Brenda stands firm, saying she's "not a fan of violence" and has been spending the last seven years trying to avoid it. Can I just say that, like Ronnie stole Dante's whole look with the gigantic neck badge, I would like to steal Brenda's whole look. Love the shirt, the glasses, the make-up ...

"Franco can have me under one condition: Bring. The. Monkey."

Later, Brenda returns home from the gym, and while she's out on the patio calling Murphy Sinclair, a Franco-looking figure dressed in all black lurks toward her.

"With all this hype about her, I thought I'd be a little more excited when I finally saw her. Maybe I should tell Willy to call the whole thing off. C077X bitches!"

So what do you think?

My Open Letter to ABC: Why? Why Did You Let Ethan and Maya Murder Song and Dance?

2010-08-18T21:37:00.001-04:00

Dear PTB (Powers That Be) at ABC,
I have been a faithful viewer of General Hospital and other select programming on your station for many years. As a loyal viewer, I have grown accustomed to what I thought was now a standard in television entertainment--the disclaimer at the beginning of a show that it may contain material that some would deem objectionable, offensive or otherwise difficult to watch.

You can imagine my surprise, then, when I sat down to watch today's episode of General Hospital, and without the benefit of such a cautionary disclaimer, was horrified by the sight of this on my television screen:

It all started out innocently enough: Maya, Ethan and Johnny gathered at Jake's, a place that we General Hospital viewers have grown to associate with all that is good in the world--liquor, frivolity, laughter, karaoke, Coleman. In other words this is our happy place. Sure, Maya's a buzz kill on a good day, but we've learned to overlook her, especially when we now know that wherever Ethan and Johnny are, wacky hijacks are bound to ensue. Even when Johnny left, I figured we'd have a minute or two of tedious Mayan flirting, which would afford me plenty of time to grab the laundry out of the dryer, and then be back in time for, say, smores at Windamere or Lisa giving Patrick the crazy eye. Now this doesn't look like an image that is about to take a very, very ugly turn, does it ABC?

Oh, but an ugly turn it did. It's all a little hazy as I cope with the post-traumatic stress, but I seem to recall Maya ordering Ethan to dance with her. Music started to play. Strange Enya-like music. And they started moving. In slow motion. My God, mothers watch this show. Children could have been present.

My eyes teared and burned. I think I heard myself call out, "No! Stop!" but I was frozen in my shock and disbelief, and couldn't move my arm to reach for the remote. I remember many of the onlookers at Jake's laughing. How could they be so cold? How could they laugh at such a terrible display of ... of ... humanity?! Not to mention, really bad, stiff, awkward dancing set to music that should only be playing if I'm getting a facial and a pedicure. I remember Maxie laughing ...

And some random woman at the bar was laughing. This byatch must have ice water in her veins, because she not only laughed, she couldn't even be bothered to put her beer bottle down to try to stop this two-stepping massacre.

The only person depicted on screen who even came close to mimicking the disgust that I'm sure was felt en masse by the viewing audience was this brave gentleman, who I was certain was just seconds away from breaking the whole thing up and snatching up the last 5 minutes of that JetBlue flight attendant's fame as our next American folk hero. But perhaps underneath that rugged exterior, he was as paralyzed with fear as I was ...

But dare I say the worst was yet to come. Yes, ABC, it got worse. And there was General Hospital to glorify the entire unsightly mess with "artistic" camera angles and lighting. Mob violence is one thing, but really ABC, have you no shame?

I've flushed my eyes out with cold water and popped a Xanax, but what about the damage on the inside, ABC? I implore you to rethink your broadcasting standards and, at the very least, warn your viewing audience before airing such graphic material of a couple with no chemistry murdering our timeless arts of song and dance.

Losing my dinner,

Dawn Decker

Desperation Leads Brook and Lisa to Play With Pills

2010-08-17T21:51:00.001-04:00

If there was a lesson in today's General Hospital, it's that desperate women and pharmaceuticals just don't mix. Brook, on the verge of a one-way ticket back to Bensonhurst and thisclose to cashing in big courtesy of Carly, continues to pump Dante with beer laced with pills as a sure way to get him into bed. Honestly, I was really uncomfortable watching this whole thing unfold, and if Coleman hadn't shown up when he did, I think I would have fast-forwarded through much of it. (I'm sorry, I simply cannot fast-forward through Coleman, no matter what kind of crazy is going on around him).

Later, at the end of the hour, Lulu walks in on Brook taking advantage of a very inebriated Dante back at his apartment. From the look on Lulu's face, I'm guessing it's all about to hit the fan in tomorrow's episode.

Meanwhile, while this mess is going down at Dante's apartment, Jason is trying to convince Carly to give up her revenge scheme against Dante and Lulu. This was noteworthy only because the "M" in Jason's "Welcome Home" sign had fallen down once again behind Carly's head. Sure, "Welcome Ho e" may get less funny at some point ... but not yet. Hee hee.

Not to be outdone by Brook on the Ladies of Port Charles Desperation Scale, Lisa manages to out-crazy even herself once again. And we thought mutilating photos was bad. This time, she breaks into Robin and Patrick's house for a second time, stealing Robin's HIV meds and later throwing them in the garbage back at General Hospital. Girlfriend is certifiable. I hope they're getting that room ready at Shadybrook, because I swear she's coming any minute now.

Maxie continued to bounce back and forth between Matt and Lucky as she became more and more suspicious of Lisa and her motives toward Patrick and Robin. Once again, I'm torn about who Maxie should end up with. Her spying on Lisa with Matt at the hospital was really cute ...

But when she later met Lucky at Jake's to ask him to run a background check on Lisa, the chemistry that I like watching so much between these two was back again. "Lisa is hung up on Patrick like I was hung up on you," she tells him. And like I'M hung up on Lucky--you forgot that part, Maxie!

By the way, I had to laugh at Lucky's earlier relationship advice to Lulu: "If a guy ever tells you that you complete him, run. Run for the hills." But what if he's just making fun of that Jerry Maguire movie?

Other things that stuck out to me in this episode: I'll admit it, Morgan visiting Sonny because he was afraid he was lonely and telling him he loved him got me all misty. It is his father after all. Of course, he may have just been buttering the old man up in hopes of scoring some free Yankees tickets from him :)

Also, I loved that Coleman wanted to get Kate's calendar from Lulu so he could arrange a getaway with the missing-in-action magazine editor. See, there is a big softie underneath that cool, mustached exterior ...

Finally, Sam had a special surprise for her newly freed man. Um, your sign was cute and all, Spinelli, but I doubt you can top this ...

Welcome Hoe, Stone Cold!

2010-08-16T21:59:00.000-04:00

Oh Spinelli, what has become of you? I really use to love this crazy kid, but the writers have made him very "one note" as of late. When he was still with Maxie, it was all about his inferiority complex. And now that Spixie are no more, it's all about his borderline creepy Stone Cold adoration. Take today for example--the squealing, the giggling, the jumping up and down when he received the news of Stone Cold's "loop hole departure" from Pentonville. Yes, I get that these two are BFFs, but what use to be a very endearing friendship that I very much enjoyed is now just odd and uncomfortable to watch. I joked on Twitter earlier that we may soon see Spinelli cutting up Jason and Sam's photos a la Lisa ... but it wouldn't be much of a stretch if it actually happened. I mean, did I mention the squealing ...

And the jumping ...

Of course, if it hadn't been for Spinelli's outrageous level of excitement over Jason's release from prison, we may have never been treated to the "Welcome Ho e" sign, which amused me straight through til the end of the hour.

I love how the "Ho e" kept showing up behind people's heads in subsequent scenes. OK, so maybe you think I'm a bit juvenile, but it was otherwise a pretty dull episode, and Welcome Hoe was my entertainment port in a snooze-filled storm. And can you really argue with something that made Jason smile wider than he has since he was skinny?

So I say proudly ... welcome hoe, my friend, welcome hoe!

As I said, the rest of the episode did little to inspire me. For some reason, Brenda's return to General Hospital has not equaled her return to Port Charles. She's still holed away in Italy, interacting with people who we don't know and don't have any reason to care about. The latest is her boyfriend, Murphy Sinclair, who has just proposed to her. Shocking because the two act like they just met. There's absolutely no chemistry between these two, and they seem incredibly stiff and awkward in their interactions. I'm finding it downright boring to watch, which really defeats the excitement and anticipation of Brenda being back on the show.

The proposal did give her an opportunity to rehash the three times she was left at the altar and to eventually slip into another Sonny flashback.

Otherwise, the episode all seemed very been there, done that. Michael finds himself involved in yet another cover-up (because the first one worked out so well), as Dante and Lucky try to hide the fact that he was involved in the Johnny drive-by shootout. Johnny is busy devising what should be termed "The Worst Plan Ever" to shoot Sonny and claim self-defense. And Carly has upped Brook Lynn's ante, offering her an extra $10,000 in cash if she's able to get Dante into bed tonight, which causes Brook to resort to slipping drugs into Dante's beer at Jake's.

Thoughts on today's episode? Has Spinelli's behavior grown as odd as I think it has? Are you interested in Brenda and Murphy?

General Hospital Travels Back to the Present, Brings Brenda Along

2010-08-11T21:32:00.000-04:00

Just in case you happened to miss a promo or ten on ABC, it was finally "B Day" on General Hospital today ... that's right, the big return of Brenda Barrett! As these much-hyped returns usually go, I didn't expect to see much of her today, figuring we'd catch a glimpse of her at the very end. And aside from various shots of the back of her head throughout the episode, that's exactly what we got.

Seems Miss Barrett is in Italy at a humanitarian awards event. As she's about to go on stage at the event, a man tries to stab her and is quickly contained by several other large Italian men surrounding her. Did anyone else find this a little odd? No one really seemed phased that this man just came out of nowhere with a large knife that easily could have killed her. Just what kind of humanitarian work is Brenda involved in these days that random knifings are a normal occurrence?

Regardless, I, for one, am happy she's back and was excited to see her back in the opening credits.

While Brenda was dodging cutlery in Europe, unfortunately much of today's episode was dominated by Claire and Sonny. I was really growing to like Claire, but I find her obsession with having Sonny's baby just downright weird and creepy, and out of left field. Back at Sonny's place, the two kiss, after which she promptly says, "Is this the part where we go upstairs and make a baby?" No, Claire, but I think Judge Carroll's available for procreation between the hours of 7-10pm, before the late-night Andy Griffith reruns start on TV Land. Go run and see if you can catch him in time. Really though, I think Sonny and I had pretty much the same look on our faces ... I mean, for reals?

I'm officially done with this plot ... next!

While Carly's stalling Lulu at the Metro Court restaurant to give Brook time to seduce Dante back at his apartment, she slips into a daydream that can best be described as "When Carly Attacks!" ... someone get this woman her own special on Fox. I mean, damn girl, we knew you were pissed at Lulu, but who knew you wanted to go all Mike Tyson on her? I swore Lulu was gonna walk away from that with only one ear.

Funny too how that strange napkin top Carly's been wearing for days now was flopping all around while she fantasy-attacked Lulu. Lulu could have ripped one off to stop the bleeding. But back to reality ... and I must say, no one has a better poker face than Carly.

At Dante's apartment, Brook is probably doing the worst job in the world trying to seduce her old buddy from Bensonhurst. Holy awkward. Her big line? "You didn't use to be so hot back then," referring to their days as kids in B-hurst. She finally makes her move and kisses him, and to Dante's credit, he backs her off, saying that Lulu's "the one, she always will be." Someone page Dr. Drake. He could pick up some pointers from this.

As you know, I'm obligated to highlight any and all Coleman sightings. I'm really not sure what Olivia was blathering on about to him today. I zoned out a little after "if you want sunshine, go to the beach," and was much more focused on him and the Jack Daniels ... I could use a little of both right now. It's been one of those weeks.

Also at Jake's were Maxie and Lucky. Maxie had found Lucky, fresh off of delivering Baby Aiden to Liz and Nikolas, standing on the docks in the pouring rain. (Side note: I really want Maxie's leopard umbrella. The girl knows how to accessorize.)

Maxie takes Lucky back to Jake's for a heart-to-heart about what's bothering him. While this was all done under the guise of friendship, I still think these two have a really cute romantic chemistry. But much like Maxie herself, I'm torn. Because Matt also was at Jake's, and he's really cute too.

Lucky Packs Up Aiden, Census Worker Costume and Heads for Home

2010-08-09T21:24:00.000-04:00

After all these years of watching General Hospital, I should know by now just to abandon all logic before I sit down to watch an episode. But damn it if it doesn't make my head hurt each and every time I insist on trying to make a storyline mesh with reality. So let me get this straight: Lucky finds Karen and the missing baby Aiden across the country in Oregon. He calls no one--no back-up, no nothing. He goes somewhere to change into a census worker costume he just happens to have on hand (I know I always pack a suit, dark-rimmed glasses and a clipboard when I go on a stake-out) just so he can get a better read on the situation. When that doesn't work and Karen throws him out, he goes back to the house, now dressed as Lucky The Cop, with a story about how the baby is really his and it was kidnapped and wrongly given to Karen by her son, Franco, aka Bobby.

Well, hey, in a case of "let's just keeping throwing stuff at the wall and see what sticks," Lucky's last attempt to get back Baby Aiden actually works. Karen simply hands over the baby, without asking to verify his story or for proof that her adoption papers aren't really legal, and next thing we know, Lucky and Aiden are on a plane back to Port Charles. Smell ya later, Oregon! And before you can blink and miss it, Lucky's on Elizabeth's doorstep, delivering the baby back to his shocked and overjoyed parents. Wait, if you were Lucky, wouldn't you have called Elizabeth as soon as you got the kid back?! Oh crap, my head's hurting again.

For as ridiculous as this plot line was, and for as little as I actually cared about the whereabouts of poor Baby Aiden Buzz Pablo, if there was a silver lining, it was Lucky's scenes with the baby on the plane. Tell me you didn't tear up just a little when he said, "Deep down, in some way, I'll always wish you were mine." Sniff, sniff. I'll always wish you were mine too, Lucky.

Elsewhere in the Chuckles, Sonny's hanging out on the docks daydreaming about Brenda when he suddenly thinks he sees his former love through the fog. "Brenda?" he calls out.

Oh wait, that's just Claire, who apparently unwinds after a long day of prosecuting by putting on a mini dress and purple eye shadow and hanging out on the docks. While it might not be Brenda, really any brunette will do, and Sonny invites Claire back to his place for a glass of wine and an opportunity "to let down her armor." I guess it's a nicer way of saying, "I'm about 23 minutes away from getting into your pants."

But once back at Sonny's place, Claire first wants to know more about this Brenda who Sonny mistook her for. Sonny doesn't want to ruin this rare occasion when Claire's "not carrying a briefcase like a chastity belt" by talking about other women. Claire presses him, and when she then excuses herself to take a call, Sonny slips back into yet another Brenda flashback. I have to say, I thought this one was really cute. I'm starting to get excited for Brenda 2010 ...

And how cute was young Sonny in this clip ...

Back at the Metro Court, Carly wants to kick her Dante revenge scheme into high gear and finally get a return on her Brook Lynn investment. Sleep with Dante tonight and get pictures, she orders Ms. Ashton, or it's back to running hot dog cart schemes in Bensonhurst.

Oh, this whole thing is so silly to watch. Told by Carly to "use her imagination" to get Dante into bed, Brook shows up on Dante's doorstep soaking wet from the rain and uses a lame "I've got no hot water" excuse to use his shower. She then comes out in a red silk robe asking for wine and telling Dante that she has to find a way to repay him for letting her use his shower. Wait, is any of this enticing even a little? Girl just looks like a wet fool.

So are you looking forward to Brenda's return this week?

Mayor Floyd Officially Declares It 'Crazy-Ass Monday' in Port Charles

2010-08-02T21:41:00.002-04:00

So much for General Hospital easing us back into the week. Mayor Floyd must have officially declared it Crazy Ass Monday over in Port Chuck today, because we got insanity on all kinds of levels. I don't know what was crazier: Franco thinking that an appropriate way to "give back" to his mother was in the form of a stolen newborn, or his mother for actually getting on board with the whole thing! By the end of the episode, she had named him Pablo (a big improvement over Buzz ... just sayin') and was envisioning their new life in Oregon. Yes, Oregon. Apparently, the West Coast agreed with Franco and he's relocating his mother and little Pablo there.

By the end of the episode, Franco was already on a plane and envisioning his next art project with a certain "very special" model ...

Meanwhile, Dante, Jason, Lucky and Spinelli sat around Jason's penthouse shooting the breeze, er, trying to piece together clues. I've been asking myself this question for days: Why in the world is Dante wearing that big-ass badge around his neck all of a sudden? Was the PCPD too cheap to buy a proper bullet-proof vest?

Oh, and then there was Lisa, who was due to meet Patrick at Jake's to talk things out. Patrick gets there early and consults with my man, Coleman, on his extra-curricular activities. I can't really say that Coleman gives the best advice, but I still really wish I could hang out at Jake's in real life and talk to him about my own love life.

Lisa finally shows up, and while she's totally ramped up the make-up and the hair gel, she's totally toned down the crazy, telling Patrick that their friendship means more than some drunk hook-up. And she's going to try her very best to reign in her "I'll boil your bunny" antics.

While Patrick and Lisa are talking it out at Jake's, Robin is in the hospital locker room with a half-naked Steve Webber. She asks for his advice on the Lisa situation and even tries to get Lisa transferred to ... hee hee ... Mercy. I'm not sure exactly what was said, though, because did I mention that Steve was half naked?

Ladies, I think we've found the next Old Spice guy! Once Steve is finally clothed, and he and Robin are back at the nurses station, Lisa shows up, once again in an attempt to seemingly play nice. She even apologizes to Robin and says how lucky she is to be the one that Patrick fell in love with and committed to.

But we know better ... she's still got the crazy eyes, and now the crazy hair to match. Later, Robin is back in the locker room and opens her locker to find that her face has been scratched out of her photos with Patrick. OK, people, this serious freaked me out ...

Can't Anna Devane fly into town and go all super spy triple black belt on Lisa and kick her ass? And why did Lisa bother playing sane if she was just gonna turn around and take an X-acto knife to Robin's pics?

So yeah, it's a lot to take in, right? And I'm only about halfway through what happened today. Sonny and Claire took over Jax and Skye's old table in the Metro Court restaurant, which apparently prompted a lot of folks to get in Claire's face. Johnny showed up with evidence (photos) that Sonny was involved in an illegal shipment. And when the prosecutor didn't immediately go running back to judge for an arrest warrant, Johnny made it clear he wasn't happy ...

Olivia, who was present to hear both Claire's desire for Sonny's sperm as well as what went down with Johnny, was none too happy either ...

But none of this deterred Claire. Once Johnny and Olivia left, she proceeded to up the ante for a shot to introduce her eggs to Sonny's Super Sperm. See, if she had Sonny's baby, prosecuting him would be a conflict of interest. Therefore, crimes like the illegal shipment Johnny gave her proof of would be prosecuted by a lesser attorney who would be no match for Sonny and Diane. Wow, Claire's obsession with having a baby went from cute (her earlier scenes with Lucky) to downright crazy, desperate and out of character. Wasn't her ploy to seduce Sonny originally a means to put him behind bars for good? And now she's practically guaranteeing him his freedom just so she can have his kid?

A few other things that happened in The Chuckles today:

Carly admitted to Jax that she slept with Sonny yet again. Funny, I had completely forgotten about this last time.

Brooke was around, doing her best "I'm Snooki from Jersey Shore" impression ...

And at the end of the episode, Carly showed up to Johnny's apartment for a glass of wine and to make double entendres about testing out his mixer.

So who was the craziest of them all? Also, I'll be out the next couple of nights, so no more recaps until Thursday ... be sure to let me know what I'm missing in the meantime!

The Best Part of Waking Up Is Tasting Patrick on His Coffee Cup

2010-07-28T22:05:00.001-04:00

Neither of the YouTube channels I use to watch General Hospital were updated today, so unfortunately, no screen shots from the episode (and boy, do I love my screen shots). But I do have a few thoughts on the episode to share, sans the visuals ...

First, thank goodness today was a little more exciting than yesterday. And trust me, compared to the sleep-inducing hour that was yesterday's episode, watching Mike flip pancakes at Kelly's would have been more exciting. But who needs Mike and pancakes when you have Lisa acting about eight shades of crazy? I have to say, the wackier she gets, the more entertained I become. And suddenly Googling men I'm interested in doesn't seem quite so stalkerish when you compare it to molesting someone's coffee cup. I mean, really ... "I can taste you on this cup"?! Hey Shadybrook ... "Incoming!" Dr. Lisa Niles is coming at you like a torpedo! Start changing the linens and getting a room ready.

While her coffee cup trick was ultra creepy, her "let me jump out from under this blanket in my fancy underwear" trick was just flat-out pathetic. Meanwhile, was the sex with Steve that bad that she's this hot for Patrick? I would have expected more from those abs, I mean, that man.

Quite honestly, almost as disturbing as Lisa's antics was the fact that anyone can still enter and exit Dante's loft at will. Why has that man not gotten a lock on the door, or disabled that freight elevator?! A cop in a crime-ridden town, and he might as well be sleeping on a park bench with all the random foot traffic that's around him. Today, it was Ronnie D. walking in on Dante and Lulu nekkid in bed. Who lives like that?

Oh, and Baby Aiden is still missing. By the end of the episode, Lucky had discovered Aiden's baby monitor disabled and laying in his crib, "right under their noses," meaning the baby could be anywhere outside of the hospital. The poor PCPD ... foiled again! If it wasn't for that meddling Franco ... On the positive side, I'm assuming this means the lockdown is lifted. On the negative side, I guess we still have to be subjected to the "search for Baby Aiden" storyline.

Lastly, Dante leaves Jason to say goodbye to Sam before he ships him back to Pentonville. Once Dante leaves, Spinelli announces that he has discovered a way to disable Jason's ankle monitor (haha, King of Cyberspace, Franco beat you to that when he figured out how to disable Aiden's monitor) so Jason can flee. Of course, Spinelli and Sam are all for the plan, but surprise, surprise, Stone Cold opts for serving out his prison sentence.

So what do you think? Should Jason flee? What were your favorite parts of today's episode?

Post-Francofrenia: Today's General Hospital Brought to You by Ambien

2010-07-27T21:40:00.001-04:00

I know we've had a lot of excitement in Port Charles lately--deadly performance art, a raging Warren Bauer, a stolen baby, a drag queen-rendition of "Mad World"--the list is endless. So we probably all need a little downtime in The Chuckles, right? But today's episode was so "down," it probably should have been sponsored by Ambien, because it nearly put me to sleep. And that was even with the supply closet sex!

I missed at least half of yesterday's episode, so imagine my surprise when we were suddenly in Spain with Skye and Jax for much of today. Yes, Skye and Jax. For much of the episode. While it was nice to see these two doing something other than eating at the Metro Court restaurant, I never really cared much whether or not Skye found Lorenzo's money. And suddenly some woman named Fernando was thrown into the mix? Isn't Fernando a man's name?

I was completely bored with Fernando, and while Skye eventually found Lorenzo's money, I was too sleepy at that point to care.

Oh, and Liz and Nikolas' baby is still missing. Yawn. Is it wrong that I really don't care about that either?

As I mentioned, we did have supply closet sex between Matt and Maxie, which was fun ...

But it was followed up by a very odd conversation between Maxie and Michael, of all people, in which she sought out Michael's advice regarding her impulse gratitude sex with the man who saved her Uncle Mac. It's always fun to hear Maxie go off on one of her tangents; it always produces some of the best lines of the show ("It wasn't like, Mac's gonna live, where's the nearest flat surface?"). And I'm guessing she probably would spill her troubles to just about anyone who would listen, even though an 18-year-old boy is a really strange choice for that conversation. But I suppose the real purpose of this conversation was to show that Michael is still haunted by Carter (who he flashed back to while Maxie was talking).

There were also more Lisa and Patrick scenes, as well as Robin, Lisa and Patrick scenes. I know Lisa is a bit wacko, but she did have a point about Patrick knowing exactly what he was doing the night he cheated. Not to mention, he allowed his wife to make a complete ass of herself as she supposedly put Dr. Niles in her place, telling her that her husband would never cheat on her. I don't like Robin, and her self-righteousness grates on my every last nerve, but I did feel sorry for her as she defended Cheats McGee cowering behind her. I honestly think the biggest villain in this scene was Patrick.

I see that Maya is still glued to Ethan's side, "woe is me-ing" about how she froze in the wake of the shooting. Was I bored by this scene, too? Like a hooker in handcuffs. I do have to admit though, I've always enjoyed Kristina's scenes with Ethan, and still think that maybe something will develop there at some point.

Oh yeah, and Claire wants to have Sonny's baby. Um, where did that come from? I'm a bit baffled by Claire's thought process there, although I had to laugh when she said to Sonny, "clearly you have no problem conceiving." Damn straight. He's the only person in The Chuckles who's actually more likely to produce a child than Liz. And that's saying something.

By the way, I know I already posted a photo of this outfit, but really, what in the world is Claire wearing? It's very Eliot Spitzer's hooker.

Of course, Sonny denied Claire's offer to procreate with her, but he's still confident that he'll bed the "lady prosecutor," calling after her as she left, "You'll be back! You'll want me!" Heck, if it's more entertaining than what we had to sit through today, I might actually be all for it.

Anything that particularly interested you about this episode? Was it as dull as I thought it was?

Twitter Poll Results: Which General Hospital Character You (and Nancy Lee Grahn!) Want to Date

2010-07-25T19:13:00.002-04:00

Earlier this month, I wrote a Guest Column for EyeonSoaps.net about the overabundance of single men in Port Charles these days. It just didn't seem right to me that men like Ethan Lovett, Lucky Spencer, Steve Webber, Matt Hunter and even Sonny Corinthos were wandering around our favorite fictional town without female companionship.

While I didn't want to just rehash what I said on EyeonSoaps.net here on my blog, I did want to find a way to celebrate on The Nurses Station the beautiful men of Port Charles who we're privileged to spend an hour with each weekday. I had written a previous blog post entitled "I Want to Go to a Concert in the Park With Lucky," and it got me thinking: Which General Hospital character would all of you want to go on a date with, and where would you go? So I took to Twitter to conduct my first informal General Hospital poll.

I got so many great responses (way more than I anticipated!), and thanks to my dear friend @PartyAtJakes who thought to pose the question to Nancy Lee Grahn on Twitter, we have her response as Alexis! Along with Nancy's, here is a recap of all of your responses. And if you didn't have an opportunity to weigh in with your responses and would like to, please add your thoughts to the comments section. Or, maybe this will warrant a "Part Two" blog post!

While the mob contingency of Port Charles is often a point of debate among GH fans and critics, when it comes to dating, many of you sure do like your bad boys. Mob king pin himself, Sonny Corinthos, by far received the most votes of any man in The Chuckles. As @brigette912 said, "A date with any GH character? No contest ... SONNY!!!!" Echoed @TheBreakTheBend, "Sonny! Hands down!" I know, ladies, it's hard to argue with those dimples and that mob-don swagger. @AlwaysEpicMB added, "Sonny! Like him or not, it's bound to be an exciting night!"

And, as both @sonnysgal4life and @leilahlowe pointed out, the man does own his own private island--and both wanted to go there with him on their date. "I would go with Sonny to the island, live it out on the beach!! Yummy!! That image with the dimpled don!! Again yummy!!" said @sonnysgal4life.

Food was also a popular choice for a date with Sonny, a man who not only has demonstrated his prowess in the kitchen, but who also owns his own restaurant (OK, so maybe it's rare that anyone actually eats there, but still). @TalkingCrayon would like to cook with Sonny, while @Neenee612 voted for dinner with him.

For some, the place didn't matter as much as the man. @mobprincess2714 said, "Date with Sonny. The place doesn't matter as long as I'm with him." @MBthebest agreed, "I would like to go on a date with Sonny ... I would go anywhere with him."

Food and mob life also inspired @Luv_Bytes, who commented, "I would luv to have a romantic dinner by candlelight with Johnny--I know my gnocchi would taste better than Olivias :)" Just don't forget the red wine. And if you have a gold lame bikini (I know, who doesn't), you could always go for a speedboat ride before dinner!

@Luv_Bytes also put a vote in for a hands-down favorite of mine, none other than Jake's owner Coleman: "Hmmm--just had my appeteaser--Johnny. Now I want my main course, Coleman--sushi on his pool table :)" Move over, Kate Howard!

Sonny's right-hand man, Jason Morgan, also received a lot of enthusiasm from respondents. "Of course Jason, anywhere, preferably outside when it's raining, yum yum," said @threefreddie333. Jason in the rain? I like the way @threefreddie333 thinks. @Neenee612 wants to go to a bar (maybe Jake's) with the enforcer, while @PartyAtJakes and @JustRunToMe both opted for a motorcycle ride with Stone Cold. "Maybe followed by a rooftop dinner," @JustRunToMe added. Hurry up, ladies, and get him before he's shipped back to Pentonville!

@PartyAtJakes also cast a vote for a date at Jake's with a character from Port Charles past--Zander.

While many of you might have been deterred from a date with Franco by his dark, violent art, penchant for toy monkeys and, oh yeah, he does like to kill people and pose their dead bodies for pictures, none of this dissuaded Alexis, at least in Nancy Lee Grahn's mind. After all, this is a woman who dated Jerry Jax. "Serial killers" might as well be listed under "likes" on Alexis' online dating profile. Nancy responded, "Franco ... would love to use Alexis' academic prowess to undermine his 'performance artistry'." You've got to admit, the man is easy on the eyes. And when's the last time you got 66 perfect, long-stem red roses?

All three of the Spencer men, Luke, Lucky and Ethan, received some love from the Twitter-verse. @JenniferLPratt said, "Luke Spencer at the Haunted Star just to see Tracy squirm ... She's frickin' hilarious!" Brave woman, taking on Tracy Q.! @nixcruz weighed in for Lucky, but with a few conditions: "Lucky today (post drugs /maxie/liz 3.0) but still looking like Greg Vaughan." @Rosanna_Accardi, who chose Ethan, also had a condition: "If I wanted to go younger, I'd choose Ethan, without his hair in a bun." She has a point ...

Not to worry, the good guys received lots of love from respondents too. I was very happy when @HeidiKnowles weighed in with a vote for our often-neglected Mac Scorpio: "I decided on Mac only because he's hardly ever working which means he would have plenty of time 4 me :)" And, to be honest, ol' Uncle Mac is looking pretty fine these days.

Proving that the apple doesn't fall far from the Corinthos tree, Officer Dante Falconeri received lots of votes from respondents, too. @Wakonda said, "DANTE!!! Anywhere!!" again making the point that place doesn't really matter so much when it comes to a lot of these men.

Much like with his father Sonny, food inspired a couple of your fantasy dates with Dante. @mariaskyy opted for an Italian restaurant with Dante, adding "Plz Lulu, don't hurt me :)" Said @melmaxmcd, "I would say out to dinner with Dante. I think he would be very attentive and we both love great food."

Finally, @GHfangirl11 weighed in with a date with Dante at Jake's, commenting "even though I hate Dante right now, I like Dominic Zamprogna."

@GHfangirl11 also cast a vote for Dante's brother, Michael, saying, "He was so adorable holding Josslyn--guys holding babies is an instant way to get to a girl's heart!" I immediately knew which scene she was referring to, and have to agree. Not to mention, Michael is long overdue to have something good happen in his life, like a nice girl! Aww, how cute is this ...

@Rosanne_Accardi responded, "definitely Jax." I think she could easily swoop in the next time Carly and Skye are busy cat-fighting--well, at least until Brender gets to town.

@KHoover71 envisioned "a romantic evening picnic with Dr. Matt Hunter," who I think is one of Port Charles most eligible bachelors--and certainly one of its most grossly underused.

@TalkingCrayon would "love to play pool/darts at Jake's with Patrick," proving that Jake's is almost as popular as some of the men in Port Charles.

And finally, @Musou80 commented, "Hands down, Spinelli. Rooftop romantic dinner with some bubbly (orange soda)--what could be better?" I loved that she made sure to include Spinelli's favorite drink!

Thank you again to everyone who contributed responses. I tried to be super-organized with everyone's responses, but if by some chance you did respond to me, and I didn't include it in the post, please let me know and I'll add it in. And, as I previously mentioned, if you didn't have an opportunity to respond and would like to, I would love to keep this going in the comments section. Hmm, now I have that song "It's Raining Men" stuck in my head ...

Lockdown!

2010-07-21T21:42:00.001-04:00

In the wake of the disappearance of Baby Aiden Cassadine--or Buzz, as Liz would like him to be called--General Hospital is put on emergency lockdown. No one can enter or exit the building, and everyone must clear the hallways. And surprise, surprise, the cop assigned to the case is none other than Lucky--also known by the nursing staff as that guy who was peering through the blinds into the delivery room during Buzzby's birth.

But first, just before the lockdown alarms are sounded, Carly continues to get an ear full as she eavesdrops on Patrick and Lisa's conversation in the hospital locker room. "You came to my house that night practically begging to have sex," Lisa tells him. And while home girl may be psycho, she ain't lying. He totally did. As Carly turns to leave the break room, she runs smack into Robin, and both of them overhear the tail end of the World's Greatest Surgical Team's argument. Patrick and Lisa then leave the locker room and run right into Carly and Robin, claiming to their audience that they were fighting over Shirley's care. Oh, but Carly knows better.

(By the way, Robin was a complete brat to Carly, and I loved that Carly put her in her place. I just can't stand that "holier than thou" attitude of Robin's.)

Once the lockdown mandate is issued, Robin is stuck with Lisa in the break room while Carly, seeking a consult on Michael, is stuck in an empty hospital room with Patrick. Carly makes it known to Patrick that she knows all about his dirty little secret with Lisa, while Lisa goes on to Robin about the tension between her and her ex-lover Patrick and how "out of control" Patrick was while Robin was in Africa. You know she's just dying to spill to Robin that she got into her husband's knickers.

Also stuck in the hospital mid-lockdown are Michael and Olivia, who discuss Michael's life post-Pentonville; Maxie, who on a search for Matt Hunter ends up in Shirley's room; and Warren Bauer, Kiefer's father, who corners Kristina in an empty room. Lots of empty rooms in this hospital, by the way. Anyways, while I tried to have some sympathy for Warren because he lost his son, he completely creeps me out and I find it incredibly disturbing that he constantly berates a 17-year-old girl who was horribly beaten. I get that they're trying to show that he's abusive, which led to Kiefer being abusive, but the final scene today where he goes to hit Kristina was too much for me. Go away, Warren Bauer. And take your lavender tie with you.

While General Hospital may have been on lockdown along with half of Port Charles inside it, there was still plenty of activity outside of the hospital walls. Johnny and Brook Lynn embarked on their speedboat date and ended up on the beach on a small island off the coast of the Chuckles. Some seriously bad flirting ensues--"you mob snob got your own private beach" "I bet you were quite the 'heat patrol' back in Bensonhurst--and then Brook claims that she's got Johnny all figured out. See, she knows he puts up a tough front, but underneath it all, he's really just lonely. Not that Johnny's such a tough nut to crack, but she's psychoanalyzing him after one speedboat ride together? Apparently it worked though, because next thing you know, the two are in the middle of a full-fledged make-out session. Oh, and that hideous blue sequined bathing suit top Brook was wearing yesterday? Apparently she took it off to reveal something just as tacky.

We also got more Sexis today! I'm really starting to enjoy these two together again. I hate to say it, but Alexis has a lot more chemistry with Sonny than ol' Uncle Mac.

And all the way on the opposite coast from Port Charles, Jason and Dante arrive in LA in search of Franco and his 66 clues. They arrive at the Museum of Contemporary Art (or, the MOCA) to find preparations being made for Franco's next big art exhibit, which is being overseen by our old friend Willie, who we first saw visiting Franco at the old Lockland Mansion.

Eh, to be honest, the Franco storyline isn't nearly as interesting when I can't actually stare at Franco. And while he was mentioned often, the crazy sexy artist didn't get any actual screen time today. But let's just say some shit is about to go down, toy monkey-style.

Oh right, and Buzzby. Almost forgot about the missing newborn. Well, of course, Helena--who gets stuck in the hospital during the lockdown too--is the prime suspect in the buzz-napping. She denies it, and if the 66 on Liz's hospital bracelet is any indication, the Cassadine matriarch is more than likely telling the truth for once. I do love how Helena still managed to berate Elizabeth for naming the child Aiden--"How can you burden a child like that?" Haha. I love that she thinks a name like Yuri or Ivan would be less of a burden.

I haven't read any spoilers, and I'm completely curious where Baby Buzzby is, why Franco took him, how it all plays into what's about to go down out in Los Angeles. Any ideas?

The Buzz About Aiden Alexisomething Cassadine

2010-07-20T21:33:00.004-04:00

So are they really going to call this kid Buzz? Because for the record, I'm not on board with that. Regardless, much to my boredom, little Buzzby dominated today's episode as we led up to his much anticipated, well, buzz-napping. (OK, I'll stop now. Or, at least, I'll try.)

But before the newborn goes missing, Great Grandma Cassadine stops by General Hospital to meet her great-grandson. I love Helena's theatrics. And may I say, no one rocks a satin suit like this woman.

Thoroughly enjoyed the fit she threw about the child's name--"It's gauche, tacky and pretentious all in one," she tells Elizabeth, suggesting Ivan, Yuri or Stavros would have been choices more befitting of a Cassadine heir. But Liz and Nikolas just tell her to ... yep, buzz off (I swear I think it's out of my system now). Helena retreats back into the hallway to confer with her big, studly confidant ... is this man's name Thor, or did I just make that up? I like to call him Fabio 2.0. Because he really should be riding a horse shirtless along a beach somewhere.

By the way, I laughed out loud when Liz told Nikolas that the baby has his eyes. Cause, you know, the kid isn't really his. Hee hee. Can a kid have his half-uncle's eyes?

I watched yesterday's episode even though I didn't blog about it, and I was disappointed that Lucky suggested to Maxie that they should just be friends. As I mentioned in my previous post, I was completely enjoying their scenes together and quickly being swayed to Team Luxie. And I thought it was super cute that he brought Maxie her favorite cookies after he lashed out at her at the hospital.

But never one to spend even a day without male companionship, Maxie quickly rebounded from her "just friends" talk with Lucky (not to mention her couple-days-old breakup with non-husband Spinelli) by meeting Matt for a heart-to-heart on the docks. Doesn't Matt look like he's in the middle of doing some sort of old-school Gene Kelly song-and-dance number on the docks? "I'm singing on the docks, I'm singing on the docks ..."

Maxie tells Matt that while she still loves Spinelli, their relationship is no more. And, after almost making an "unhealthy decision" to be with someone (who shall remain Lucky, I mean, nameless) who she "had no business being with," she's come to the conclusion that she'd like to date Matt. Thank goodness Matt finally got a little self-respect and told her no! Or, in his words, he refuses to be her "in case of emergency, break glass guy." I'm not saying that I wouldn't be open to a Maxie and Matt pairing at some point, but Ms. Crimson needs to work for it. I couldn't understand why hot, single doctor Matt was letting Maxie use him just to make Spinelli jealous in the first place. Shouldn't this guy be fighting them off with a stick? He should at least be able to get a date with a nurse or two down at Mercy.

Lucky wasn't the only guy in Port Charles who thought he could use baked goods to get back in a woman's good graces. Johnny shows up on Olivia's doorstep with a bag, and honestly, I couldn't understand for the life of me the word he kept using to describe what was in the bag (and this is coming from a fellow Italian), but I'm going to assume it was a baked good. Olivia finally relents and lets him in "just for breakfast," but it is JOlivia after all and they are on a couch, so it of course leads to this ...

Olivia sticks to her guns though, and pushes Johnny away before it goes any further, saying she can't keep doing the same thing over and over. After saying they love each other, Johnny puts the ball back in Olivia's court, telling her that if she changes her mind, she knows where to find him.

Later, he runs into Brook Lynn on the docks (I'm pretty sure the bench was still warm from Matt and Maxie) and they make a date to go out on Johnny's speedboat. To the mob prince's credit, he's upfront with Brook that he is still very much in love with Olivia and if she decides she wants him back, that's where he'll be. Brook tells Johnny to calm down while she goes to change into a swim suit for their speedboat excursion. If Helena wants to see gauche and tacky in Port Charles, it's not the name Aiden; it's this get-up that Brook returns in for her date with Johnny. Holy electric blue sequins! She sorta reminds me of Tiffany, the 80s "I Think We're Alone Now" singer.

As with most things that happen on the docks of Port Charles, Johnny and Brook's encounter is spied on by Olivia ...

For a Tuesday, we had a couple of decent cliffhangers at the end of the episode. First, Nikolas and Liz go to take Buzzby home and find that he is missing from the nursery. Wait, is that the "66" bracelet she still has around her wrist?

And in the locker room at GH, Lisa continues to stalk Patrick, finally cornering him by his locker and accusing him of avoiding her so he doesn't have to be reminded of "what amazing sex we had." She continues to go on about their hot sex and how she wants more of it ... just as Carly happens to overhear on the other side of the door. Oh, that's not good, Patrick. If Carly knows, I'm afraid your cheatin' ass is about to be handed to you.

Lots of other things went down in the Chuckles today, too: Poor, traumatized Michael choked Lulu as she woke him from a Carter-haunted sleep, and later he gets into a fight on his first day of road-crew community service while defending his father. Carly and Skye got into an amusing cat fight over Jax. And Claire showed up yet again at Sonny's restaurant, this time wearing something that looked like an odd piece of lingerie under her suit. Uh oh. She's starting to dress the part of Sonny's latest conquest.

What did you think of today's episode? Your favorite scenes today?

I Want to Go to a Concert in the Park With Lucky

2010-07-17T09:27:00.001-04:00

If you're a regular reader of my blog, you already know that I adore Jonathan Jackson's Lucky. And after what the poor man endured at the hands of his fiance and brother, I want nothing more than the handsome cop to find himself a good woman. Right now, it seems as if both Claire and Maxie have captured Officer Hottie's attention. I know I just said in yesterday's recap how much I enjoyed Lucky and Claire's scenes together at the PCPD, but today's scenes with Lucky and Maxie gave those some serious competition.

After Lucky calls her, Maxie meets him at the PCPD, where she promptly brings up their earlier kiss in the interrogation room. "You're not making it easy to break the ice," says Lucky, to which Maxie cutely replies, "We had ice?" Lucky then proceeds to invite her to join him for an acoustic folk concert in the park. If only every man were this transparent. As I've mentioned before, if Lucky invites you to see live music, it's a sure sign he's into you. Acoustic folk isn't really my thing, but if I could somehow be magically transported to Port Charles, I'd listen to that guy Franco hired sing "Route 66" over and over again for two straight hours if Lucky invited me. Before Maxie accepts his invitation, she informs Lucky that Liz just went into labor and has been admitted to General Hospital, and he tries his best to appear unfazed.

Back at the Crimson offices, after the concert, Maxie compliments Lucky's own musical talents, as she's one of the few who has heard him sing and play the guitar ("Well, this audience of one thinks that you rock," she tells him), while Lucky admires the success Maxie is having in her career. When she presses him on the Liz issue, he says all the right things--that he wants both he and Liz to be happy, but that won't be with each other. "I'm real clear on what I don't want," he says. By the way, it's been a very long time since I've seen Lucky smile like he did today after Maxie told him he rocked. Aahhh, too cute.

So yeah, Liz went into labor, but not before her and Nikolas continued to mend their fences and bond over their soon-to-be-born child. To be honest, I was bored to tears throughout all of it. And I was upset to see that even after telling Maxie that he had no place being at the hospital for the birth of Liz and Nikolas's child, that's exactly where Lucky ended up. Damn you, Liz. He was so cute and happy just a minute ago.

Believe it or not, mob boss Sonny's scenes provided today's dose of comic relief. First, he and Claire chat in the Metro Court lobby, and the prosecutor tries to convince him to give up his life of crime and go legit. Um, yeah Claire, he's tried that already. Didn't really work out. I loved, though, when Claire was trying to convince to him to give up mob life and told him to "send this thing back," referring to his pinkie ring. Ha! I think Giselle at Couture magazine should consider a sister publication just for its Port Charles readership called Mob Couture. Full-page spreads on silk suits and pinkie rings!

After Claire leaves, Sonny runs into Alexis (Sexis!), who invites him to the country club with her to meet Molly and Kristina. Once there, the girls begin to quiz Sonny on his fitness routine, which we now know is weight-lifting in his home gym and boxing. While Kristina makes a joke about Sonny jogging with his bodyguards and their guns reflecting off the sunlight, I was envisioning Sonny jogging in his silk suit. Because really, the man is never out of that suit unless sex is involved. Maybe they could do a feature story on silk jogging suits in the next issue of Mob Couture. Jokes aside though, this was a really cute scene and made me think that an Alexis and Sonny re-coupling might just work.

The family party is broken up by Warren, Kiefer's dad, who informs them that Alexis' civil suit trial for Kiefer's death will start next week and Kristina will be called to testify. I understand the man is upset about his son, but why not just get a restraining order against him if he keeps popping up all over town to harass Alexis and 17-year-old Kristina?

By the way, how much did that guy get paid for just laying there shirtless, sunbathing behind Sonny Corinthos? That's some day's work. And speaking of Couture, I thought it was funny that the sunbather's girlfriend was reading that magazine and not Crimson. Even Kate Howard's magazine doesn't get any screen time!

So Lisa is turning into a full-fledged Fatal Attraction right before Patrick's eyes. I think that's called karma, Patrick, and she sure is being a bitch. After accusing Patrick of ducking her calls, she then informs him that he "should be kissing my ass" because she has the power to basically blow his life to hell. Ooh, shit just got real, Patrick. Later, Lisa literally interrupts a kiss between Patrick and Robin by basically sticking her big fat binder in between the two of them.

While Dante, Spinelli and Jason are working back at Casa de Stone Cold to piece together clues about Franco and how the "Route 66" song figures into the psychopath's puzzle ...

... Franco is at the Crimson offices putting a scare into Lulu.

While Franco's previous visits to people in Port Charles (Carly, Maxie, Jax) have been downright pleasant, Franco is more menacing with Lulu (although to be fair, it was sweet of him to compliment her shoes before he left). "I'm starting to feel a little ignored," he tells her. "Who do I have to kill to get a little attention around here?" He then details how he would kill her and position her body for Dante to find it. But it's more mind games for Franco as he ultimately leaves her unharmed, giving her an envelope to deliver to Dante.

Dante leaves Jason's penthouse and soon after, dirty cop Ronnie Domestico arrives and promptly arrests Stone Cold and ships him back to Pentonville. It seems Ronnie is closer to Franco than we think. Once Stone Cold is back in his cell, he finds an envelope waiting for him. I assumed it was yet another photo of a dead body. But Franco is nothing short of unpredictable. So imagine my delight when Jason opens the envelope to find a photo of everybody's favorite toy monkey, Leonardo!

What were your favorites scenes today? Least favorite?

The Love Doctor Is in at Casa de Stone Cold

2010-07-15T22:26:00.003-04:00

Our favorite furloughed prisoner, Jason Morgan, was in high demand on today's General Hospital. Essentially in exchange for letting a wanted serial killer drop off some Chinese food and casually stroll out the door, Sam got a night of some hot lovin' with Pentonville's finest. Hmm, I wonder what's hotter ... "conjugal visit" sex or "I let a serial killer go just to be with you" sex. I'm assuming the latter since the reunited couple even had to banish roomie Spinelli out of the penthouse for the night.

After Sam leaves the next morning to lend her P.I. services to the world at large and before Spinelli returns, Maxie stops by to seek relationship advice from Jason, even though she admits that "coming to you with a relationship problem is like asking a brick to solve a math problem." And from the looks of things, I'd say she hit the nail on the head.

But to be fair to Jason, before he even really has the chance to break into Dr. Ruth mode, Spinelli returns to Casa de Stone Cold and is confronted by his non-wife. I have to admit, as much as we saw the Spixie breakup coming from a mile away, Spinozo brought a tear to my eye today as he told Maxie it was her choice to be free, and she promptly walked out the door. They were a really cute couple until GH made it all about Spinelli futilely trying to prove his manliness and Maxie lusting after a string of bad boys that started way back with Johnny Z. (remember the mob prince's "escorting Maxie to New York City parties" days?) and included full-out kinky Franco sex. Sadly, Spinozo never stood a chance.

Apparently, Stone Cold should start charging by the hour, because whether like a brick trying to solve a math problem or not, the hit man is in high demand when it comes to ladies seeking love advice. Next on his doorstep is Carly, who is trying to figure out whether or not to take back Jax. But yet again, before Stone Cold has a chance to prove that no, he's better than a brick trying to solve a math problem, Spinozo interrupts to offer his sage advice to the Valkyrie. With a whole five minutes to reflect since his own breakup, Spin feels he's in a unique position to offer the kind of insight that only comes with much time and experience. "Don't make him wait any longer," he tells Carly, urging her to rekindle her relationship with Jax.

Sonny found himself back in the PCPD interrogation room, and while Claire mistakenly thinks he's there to flirt with her, he was actually summoned by Lucky, who is back from his trip to Argentina. For about the hundredth time, Lucky and Sonny have the "we have history, I'm friends with your father" "but I'm a cop and you're a criminal" conversation. Lucky likes Sonny for the Johnny Z. car bombing, although he couldn't actually track down that tiny man who Sonny hired to wire the car to blow while in Argentina.

After Sonny leaves, Lucky and Claire have a conversation about her master plan to seduce Sonny right into a prison sentence. "You have a very expressive face and it's screaming your lack of faith in me," the prosecutor tells Lucky. Sweetie, throwing a female prosecutor at Sonny is like throwing a rib-eye steak into a lion's cage. You'll be devoured in seconds. Even as they argued over Sonny, some of that initial chemistry between Claire and Lucky (or Clucky if you will) was back today, and I liked it. Lucky even used the old "let's make a bet" trick, which proves that his interest in the prosecutor is more than strictly professional: If Claire's plan to take down Sonny works, Lucky will buy her dinner at the restaurant of her choice.

Back at the Crimson offices, Maxie informs Lulu of her breakup with Spinozo and lets it slip that Lucky is "still" the best kisser, which understandably sets Lulu off into protective sister mode. "It was just a kiss. It's not like I jumped his bones," Maxie says, which does little to reassure Lulu. She doesn't want to see her hot, fragile brother hurt after all he's been through, referring to Maxie as "an emotional bulldozer." Maxie storms out of the office, saying that her heart had just been ripped out and now Lulu was trying to shove it down the paper shredder. Speak of the handsome devil, later while she's at the hospital, Maxie gets a phone call from Lucky asking if she's free.

Oh, and Liz went into labor today. This storyline was important for several reasons, the least of which was that she actually went into labor. First, before she went into labor, while she was hanging out at Windamere with Nikolas and their kids, I received further confirmation that Spencer only wears sweater vests, even in the dead of summer. Forget violence and mob life, why in the world is GH perpetuating THIS as an acceptable form of play attire for a young boy in July? Irresponsible.

Another reason why the Liz storyline was important today was because we got to see her brother Steve there right by her side, and oh my goodness, what in the world was sitting on top of that man's head? I was waiting for Franco's toy monkey to crawl out of there and start banging its cymbals.

Finally, important thing number three: after Liz was admitted, a close up of her wrist band reveals an all-too-familiar number ...

Speaking of our lovable psycho, sadly I didn't think we'd get our daily dose of Franco today. But with Lulu left alone in the Crimson offices, it was only a matter of time before he showed up. And apparently he got caught in the same wind storm as Steve.

Seriously, what is up with the men of Port Charles and their funky hairdos? Are they all trying to prove they can top Ethan's bun from a few weeks ago? Stop wasting your time, fellas. You'll never outdo this:

GH American Idol: Route 66 Is All About Song Selection, While Brook Is Pitchy (and Punchy) Dawg

2010-07-14T22:11:00.003-04:00

I didn't watch yesterday's episode because I had to travel to New York City for work (just like Maxie, I attended the trendiest parties in high-fashion couture designed by Feddie ... not), so I may have missed a detail or two leading up to today's antics. And boy, were there antics. Jakes, Coleman and karaoke are like my GH trifecta, but why was this stranger in a fedora singing "Route 66"? Ah, just like Lulu piecing the whole complicated mystery together ("wait, so the mansion is on Road 66 and he sent Maxie 66 flowers ...") I knew my man Franco must be behind this little piece of performance art.

Even more disturbing than this man's rendition of "Route 66" was Ethan chomping down on a toothpick and shooting giggly school-girl glances at Maya throughout the whole performance. Maybe it's not the single-women shortage in Port Charles that's doing in this man's love life.

Later, Toothpick sits down with Maya for a heart-to-heart about why she's so determined to hate him. She then proceeds to tell a very sad story about how her reckless ex was killed and she was working in the ER when he was brought in after an accident. Yes, truly a sad story, and her telling of it was a little less one-dimensional than usual, but I was still fairly bored. Ethan, meanwhile, was like, "oh shit, where did my toothpick go? Did I swallow it?! Do any of you blokes know CPR?!"

Oh, and did I mention that Coleman was on the show today? I have mentioned how much I love Coleman, right?

Apparently, the "Route 66" performance was just a diversion so Franco could hang out at Jason's penthouse and have Chinese food with Sam. Sam pulls a gun on our monkey-loving friend but is hesitant to pull the trigger. "Either shoot me or let's eat," Franco tells Sam, who claims that if Jason finds Franco at the penthouse "he will kill you with his bare hands." "Why does everyone want to kill me with their bare hands?" Franco responds just as I was thinking the exact same thing. I love these Franco scenes. He's so hot and funny, you completely forget that he's also creepy and weird. You almost hope he comes over and sprays graffiti on your walls. Needless to say, Sam does not kill Franco, selfishly because she knows if she does, Jason immediately gets shipped back to Pentonville. Franco leaves without even touching the now lukewarm Chinese food (and he brought so much of it too; such a shame for it to all go to waste), telling Sam to pass on to Jason that "it will be easy this time."

Later, Franco meets up with the karaoke singer (I missed his official name) and tells him he has another song he wants him to perform, something "sad and haunting." "You and me, we're gonna raise the dead," he tells Fedora, and it doesn't phase this man in the least that a wanted serial killer is paying him to sing songs and referencing the dead. He's completely on board. Franco must have bought him the hat to really sweeten the deal.

Speaking of the number 66, coincidentally, Skye and Jax share their 66th straight meal together at the Metro Court restaurant. Maybe they have one of those cards where they punch a hole in it every time you buy a meal and, after so many, you get one free. Just because Jax is filthy rich doesn't mean he can't be frugal. Speaking of frugal, did the Metro Court restaurant cheap out on the tiniest tables you've ever seen?

Apparently I missed the introduction yesterday of a new man in Kristina's life, Taylor. Funny that his name is Taylor, because he looks like a bad "Taylor Lautner in Twilight" lookalike ... I was waiting for him to bust out of that flannel shirt and go all werewolf on Krissy. Otherwise though, he was a breath of fresh air after dealing with that annoying Kiefer for so long, and I think this guy is actually her age. Even better, Kristina tells her mother, he doesn't know the first thing about Kiefer or who her father is ... yet.

Claire has Port Charles' finest drag Sonny down to the PCPD, something about the bomb in Johnny's car. In the interrogation room, Sonny tells Claire "you're starting to like me and it's scaring you." Later, Claire runs into Sonny's office about three shades of flustered, going on about how he can't come down to the precinct anymore (uh, you dragged him down there) and he can't flirt with her in front of the "rank and file" (uh, you guys were alone in an interrogation room). Then, I swear, Sonny proceeds to swallow Claire's entire face. When she's finally able to come up for air, she protests his advances and runs out. You've gotta love Sonny in this scene. His confidence and one-liners were just comical. I hate to admit that they do have a certain chemistry, these two crazy kids.

If you thought karaoke night ended with "Route 66," oh, you couldn't be more wrong. We do have a professional singer in the house after all. By the way, wasn't Brook hired to sing at the Metro Court? Has she had one performance there yet? Regardless, she's giving all she's got to the crowd at Jake's on this evening with her rendition of Carrie Underwood's "Before He Cheats." Wait, where's Patrick? I don't want to say Brook is a bad singer, but I think the look on Maxie's face pretty much sums up how I felt about the performance.

Miss Ashton gives it her all throughout, downing whiskey shots, kicking chairs and even kissing Coleman mid-performance (hey, hands off, slut!). The shots must be making her a little punchy though, because she then proceeds to hit the King of Queens upside the head ...

... and then gives Johnny a left hook to the face. While he spots a car bomb a mile away, our sweet Johnny Z. never sees this one coming, even at close range ...

Don't worry though, folks, he's OK. He quickly shoots his bro Ethan this smirk as if to say, "Her acrylic just hit my cornea, but she's totally hot for me."

What did you think of Brook's performance?

Mac Is Tan, Patrick Is Guilty, and Franco Continues to Monkey With Port Charles

2010-07-12T21:20:00.002-04:00

It seemed like a rather dull day in The Chuckles, even though Franco and his army of toy monkeys did their best to spice things up. In the park, he kneeled beside Josslyn and taunted Jax for what seemed like a good five minutes before it dawned on Jax that a call to 911 might be appropriate when you're witnessing a psychopath stroking your baby daughter's forehead. Jax informs the operator that he's in the park with "Franco, the serial killer," to which the artist responds, "If you're going to throw around labels, I'm going to take my monkey and go," and disappears into the bushes. By the time Dante and Ronnie Domestico show up on the scene, Franco is long gone. But not to worry, dear citizens of Port Charles. Mac's going to get one of them there hel-ee-copters to look for Franco, "an eye in the sky," as Ronnie calls it. Gee, you think? Because you only have a wanted serial killer strolling around all over town in broad daylight. Maybe time to call in some reinforcements to back up lone officer Dante and an unarmed Jason.

Ronnie and Dante then head back to the PCPD, and we discover that Uncle Mac has indeed resurfaced ... and wow, looks like somebody used their two sessions for the price of one coupon for L.A. Tans!

At Sonny's office, Claire threatens to go to Judge Carroll with her eye-witness account of Sonny and Michael spending time together, which could result in Michael's parole being revoked. After some pleading on Michael and Sonny's part, she then decides to spare the teen a trip back to Pentonville, which prompts Sonny to expresse his gratitude to his new favorite prosecutor.

Soon after, Jason visits Sonny and gives him one of his "you taught me how to be a man, you're a great father despite almost killing yet another one of your children" speeches. Amazing how chatty our bulked-up friend gets when extolling Sonny's virtues. Meanwhile, Sonny's grateful for the kind words, but what he really wants to talk about is how he plans to bed prosecutor Claire. Now that's how you stay out of prison, kids.

Back in scrubs land, distance has made the Robin grow horny, and she's looking to get a little action from her guilty-as-sin hubby in the hospital supply closet. He stalls her by telling her he wants to wait until they get home--something about taking his time and savoring every inch of her. Once at home, Cheats McGee showers his wife with roses and chocolates and tells her that she has changed him and he never wants to be without her--completely tear-in-the-eye sweet if we didn't just watch him down Irish car bombs with Lisa and then proceed to rip her clothes off. After the "missed you while I was in Africa" sex finally commences, Robin looks perfectly content while Patrick looks almost ill, as if he's had an erection for more than four hours and now needs to go to the hospital.

Meanwhile, Lisa has caught on to Patrick and Robin's marital antics, first as she sees them depart the supply closet and then when she realizes both have signed out early for the night. Girlfriend gets a little stalkerish as she starts ringing up Patrick's phone for a "consult," but hottie ex-luva Steve overhears her leaving the World's Best Neurosurgeon a voicemail and smells a big, blonde rat. I so love that Steve is done be played by this broad. You go, Mr. Abs and Attitude.

Claire shows up at Sonny's restaurant for a third time (it is a charm after all) to find a candlelit dinner, wine and a Italian silk suit waiting for her. Oh, and Sonny has that bracelet she "mistakenly" left behind. The prosecutor allows herself to be wined and dined, even opening up to Sonny about her need for children (it was much cuter when she did this with Lucky) ... until Johnny Z. shows up to bust up the party. Loved this scene, especially when Jay-Z drank Sonny's wine straight from the bottle. Hee hee. A flustered Claire says that Johnny is right; it is inappropriate for her to be dining with the man she's trying to prosecute and flees the restaurant, grabbing her bracelet and leaving Sonny to wallow in his antipasto.

Back in Franco-ville, with his monkeys looking on, the artists continues to decorate his new digs with his signature "CO77X" while Spinozo uncovers a property on Road 66 that has been rented by a one Karen Anderson (aka, Franco's mom). Before you can say "back-up? who needs back-up when you're dealing with a serial killer?" Dante and Jason head off to Franco's mansion ...

I was a little bored by today's episode. What was your favorite part(s)?

Franco Gets His Kicks on Country Road 66

2010-07-11T16:33:00.004-04:00

Franco moved into some new digs on Friday's episode of General Hospital, which we later found out is the old Lockland Mansion on Country Road 66--apparently a lucky number of sorts for the artist (he also gave Maxie 66 red roses). After clearing away some dead leaves and debris, Franco quickly set out to make the place his own with some high-end interior decorating, spray-painting his signature "CO77X" on the wall and propping up his assistant Leonardo (yes, he named the toy monkey and gave him a position in the Franco administration) on the mantle.

Franco then made a call to a man who pays a visit to the artist at his new home--a Mr. Wilhem von Schlegel, or Willy as Franco calls him. Franco expresses interest in an art show Willy curated years ago in which the featured artist compulsively painted portraits of her nine dead siblings, all of which had died under mysterious circumstances. Willy compares that artist to Franco and mentions the profitability of Franco's work ever since charges had been leveled against him. "Everybody wants a piece of Franco," says the art curator. Oh, you have no idea, Willy. I feel a gratuitous screen shot coming on ...

After Willy leaves, Franco and Leonardo stare at photographs of Carly, Maxie and Lulu, as Franco comments, "So many women, so little time."

At the PCPD, Maxie has Lucky in a lip hold as a pissed off, pregnant Liz stares on. I mistakenly thought Maxie had spied Liz and kissed Lucky solely for her "benefit." But as my reader PartyAtJakes pointed out, and as Maxie explains to Lucky, the kiss was really a test of sorts. She felt something when she kissed Matt, she tells Lucky, and since Lucky was the best kisser she ever had ("I don't know if it was your technique or the drugs or whatever," she says) she was looking to do a bit of comparison shopping, in a manner of speaking. She then tells Lucky, "You've still got it."

As they leave the interrogation room, Liz confronts Maxie and calls her out on pursuing Lucky. "Listen to the one-woman wrecking ball, the baby-making machine," Maxie shoots back, making sure to say goodbye to "Hot Lips" Spencer before she leaves. Classic. That round of applause heard round the world while this scene played out was courtesy of yours truly. Liz gave up the right to be pissed about Maxie or any other woman Lucky may be involved with when she slept with his brother over and over and over again. Turret room anyone?

Liz, insulted by Maxie and spurned by Lucky, then runs off to the park, where she encounters Nikolas actually spending time with his son, Spencer. Her soft spot for Nikolas growing once more, she goes so far as to compliment his fathering skills and to apologize for shutting him out of her pregnancy with his child. OK, I'll go along with the latter, but I can't imagine complimenting a father who continuously subjects his poor son to a wardrobe of sweater vests, particularly in this heat wave. As Nikolas looks cool and comfortable in his polo shirt, you can actually see the flush in poor Spencer's overheated cheeks.

At Sonny's restaurant, the Claudia and Sonny flirtation continues as Sonny pours the prosecutor a huge-ass glass of wine and offers to cook her dinner. Claire refuses, saying it would be inappropriate, to which Leisure Suit Larry quips, "Only if you end up as dessert." Oh Sonny, I think you've been out of the dating pool for too long. Your lines are as over-slicked as your hairdo. Claire leaves, but not before leaving behind her bracelet, also known as the oldest trick in the book.

Later, when Claire returns to Sonny's restaurant to retrieve the bracelet, she walks in on Michael breaking the terms of his parole by spending time with his father.

Jax and Josselyn spend some father-daughter time in the park (thank you, Jax, for not putting your child in a sweater vest for the occasion) and run into Lulu, fresh off of shower sex with Dante. As they chat, we see Franco lurking in the bushes. After Lulu leaves, Jax turns away from Josselyn to pack up her things (meanwhile, was that the shortest visit to the park ever?) and all I kept thinking was, please don't, I can't handle a baby kidnapping right now. But Franco makes his presence clearly known to Jax as he kneels by Josselyn's stroller. Geez, this Franco has some balls of steel. I can't imagine that Jax is exactly a man you would want to mess with, especially when you're a serial killer who has kidnapped his wife and targeted his daughter.

So, what's Franco about to say to Jax? Carly told Jason earlier in the episode that in her recent encounter with Franco, he appeared "calm and sane," so much so that Carly didn't feel the need to call out for help. Will Jax walk away with the same impression?

Did Today Mark the End of Spixie and Jolivia?

2010-07-08T20:53:00.013-04:00

So much to talk about in Port Charles today. For starters, Maxie found herself kissing almost everyone except for poor non-husband Spinelli. I use to love this couple back in the day, but I'm thinking it's time to put a fork in them ... they're done. After spying Matt kissing Maxie on her couch, Spinelli quietly limped away, clearly a man defeated and no longer with an ounce of passion for anything that doesn't start with "Stone" and end in "Cold." As far as Matt's concerned, I'm not quite sure why he continues to be used by Maxie, when she's stated in very clear terms that that's exactly what she's doing in order to make the man she truly loves jealous, but obviously he sees something real beneath the surface of her scheming. But again, is Matt really going to fulfill Maxie's "bad boy" needs?

Oh, and you might also want to try using some of that fashion tape, Maxie, because it looks like we almost had a malfunction. I'm sure they have boatloads over at Crimson. But back to the kissing. If Maxie was smart, she should have just stood in a booth, charged a dollar a kiss and given the proceeds to charity. Because by the end of the episode, she was also on lip lock-down with Lucky.
So yes, we're pretty sure Maxie grabbed Lucky because she knew Liz was watching and wanted to make her jealous. But I also like to think that Lucky's new haircut and fresh summer wardrobe played a part in women being unable to control their impulses around him.
Lucky also shared some screen time with Claire today. I've been waiting for these two to finally reconnect on-screen, but their paring was a disappointment today. Gone was that cute, funny, quirky chemistry as Claire revealed her scheme to seduce Sonny into an eventual prison sentence. Oh Claire, as Lucky pointed out, you would be one in a million who have tried and failed. But that didn't stop Claire from rushing over to Sonny's restaurant to set Operation Seduction into motion. (Bonus: Conan sighting!)
Over at General Hospital, Lisa was doing her best to induce vomiting--no, not with a patient, with anyone who was watching her do back flips to kiss Robin's ass. It was very uncomfortable to watch her fawn over the woman whose husband she had just slept with and make double entendres about what Patrick was "up to" while Robin was away--but later watching Steve call her out on her crap almost made up for it. Nobody uses Steve's six-pack abs and gets away with it for long!
After telling Lisa to put that in her pipe and smoke it, the day was beginning to look up for Steve when he got a surprise lunch-date proposition from Carly. Wait, wasn't she still with Franco back at the Metro Court? Apparently the viewers were not privy to the end of that encounter we witnessed in yesterday's episode, but Carly appeared unscathed as she brought Josselyn to GH for her check-up. Later, Carly and Steve have lunch at the Metro Court, under the watchful eye of Jax and Skye (who apparently eat all their meals there together now), and seem to be having a lovely, flirtatious time until Carly fesses up to Steve that the date was only a ploy to make her husband jealous. Poor Steve. Why is such a gorgeous doctor, who also appears to be an all-around good guy, being manipulated by all these women? Someone please find him a decent, genuine woman who is not Maya Ward.
Today's episode also saw Olivia and Johnny rip each other's clothes off and break up for about the bazillionth time. I don't know why though, but this time it seemed like it really could be over. Olivia was so upset, she even walked out of Johnny's penthouse with her shirt still unbuttoned. How far she got before she realized her goods were out in the store window aside, my real question is why neither Johnny nor Olivia have bedrooms in their respective places. Maybe because they just never make it past the living room.
So are Johnny and Olivia truly over? And if so, who will they each be paired with next? Could Olivia be the good woman Steve so desperately needs? Will Kristina truly stay away from Johnny? She's been told she has to stay away, but does this look like a girl who's ready to obey her parents' rules?

Franco May Be a Killer, But Bobby Frank Is Downright Dreamy

2010-07-07T22:06:00.003-04:00

Hello my fellow GH fans! Tonight I'm catching up on yesterday's and today's episodes and will be back to my usual episode recap tomorrow. In the meantime, I leave you all with this:

Yours Truly Is on EyeonSoaps.net

2010-07-05T16:07:00.003-04:00

Recently, I submitted a General Hospital Guest Column to one of my favorite soaps sites, EyeonSoaps.net, and today it was posted on the site! I'm very excited to have my thoughts posted along with so much other great commentary on ABC soaps.

My column, titled "Is Port Charles the New Alaska?", talks about how so many gorgeous, colorful male characters are languishing by their lonesome in our favorite fictional town. Click here to read the column--I would love to hear your thoughts on it!

While Fireworks May Have Exploded in Your Town, Bombs Exploded in Port Charles

2010-07-04T19:49:00.012-04:00

While the rest of us were thinking about time off from work, BBQs with family and friends, and other 4th of July festivities, the residents of Port Charles had much more explosive issues on their minds than breaking out their lawn chairs for the local fireworks display. Kristina set out to put her mother of all daddy issues revenge plot into motion, arriving at Johnny's penthouse while the mob prince and Olivia were mid-Merlot.

Johnny asks Olivia to leave so he can talk a few things out with the troubled teen. Meanwhile, Max and a very tiny man are in the building's garage putting the finishing touches on the bomb that will go off as soon as Johnny unlocks his car (BTW, not that I'm a car bomb expert, but I have watched a lot of TV in my day: Wouldn't it make more sense to have the bomb go off when the car is started, thus ensuring that Johnny is in the car and will blow up with it?). Later, Max calls Sonny to assure him that the job is complete, telling him, "Johnny dies tonight." Aren't we keeping this on the down low, Max? You know how the walls have ears in Port Charles. Maybe a simple "the crow flies at midnight" would have been more discreet.
Over at the Metro Court bar, Patrick and Lisa set out to celebrate their surgical victory over Shirley's brain cancer and get drunk on sidecars and Irish car bombs (nice way to carry the car bomb theme throughout the episode, GH) while also trading lame surgeon jokes ("What's the difference between God and surgeons? God doesn't think he's a surgeon.") and shamelessly flirting with one another. Once they're a good three sheets to the wind, a giggly Lisa brings up a past sexual escapade the two had in the back of a cab, referring to it as "the best sex." World's Best Neurosurgeon, having completely forgotten about that wedding ring on his finger since before he even started drinking, then offers to walk Lisa home, to which she drunk-flirts back, "We can always take a cab."

As I said in earlier posts, I'm really sorry to see the writers take this direction with Patrick and Lisa. Even though the tension between them has been building for months, I didn't think it would get to the point where they actually slept together. And maybe they don't (I haven't read any spoilers on this one), but as Friday's episode ended, it sure did look like Steve Webber wasn't going to be the only GH surgeon to hold the distinction of getting naked on Doc Niles' couch. You may be jealous of the ghost of Stone, Patrick, but at least he doesn't currently have his tongue down your wife's throat.
At the Crimson offices, Maxie starts to receive dozens of roses, which she assumes are from Matt. The roses are delivered by a new face on the canvas, Metro Court employee James. Lulu notes to Maxie that James is cute, and they should set him up with Brook Lynn. Smart girl, Lulu. Find something to distract your boyfriend's towel-wearing neighbor, old friend and master chef ASAP!
Matt himself arrives at the Crimson office soon after, and denies sending the roses, leading Lulu and Maxie to believe that they must be from Spinelli. After Lulu leaves, Maxie declares to Matt that her plan must have worked now that Spinelli is showering her with roses and she will no longer be needing his services. Matt isn't so easily swayed, asking Maxie if that's what she truly wants and claiming that the emphasis is on the "non" when it comes to non-husband Spinelli. Whether it's with Maxie or otherwise, I've gotten used to seeing the usually MIA Matt on a more regular basis, and I hope GH makes a point of no longer letting the handsome doc go to waste. He is in the opening credits after all.
Thursday's episode ended with us thinking that Dante had pulled a gun on Franco outside Jason's building, but we should have known that our clever psycho killer wouldn't be so easily pinned down. The man, who is wearing the same, exact jacket that Franco was wearing earlier outside Jason's building, flees when Dante pulls his weapon on him, but when the cop quickly catches up to him, he's revealed to be anything but the tortured artist.
Meanwhile, Spinelli has used his unmatched cyber skills to unearth a potential lead to Franco--his mother, Karen Anderson, who lives close by in Woodstock. Spinelli also reveals Franco's real name: Robert Frank, yet another former Bensonhurst residence who has found his way to The Chuckles. Dante and Jason head off to pay Franco's mom a visit, but once on her doorstep, the woman (played by James Franco's mother) denies having a son.
While Dante and Jason continue to question Karen Anderson and shop for tie-dyes and temporary peace sign tattoos in Woodstock, Maxie is now alone in the Crimson offices when yet another flower delivery arrives--only this time it's not cutie James who comes bearing gifts. Maxie turns around to find Franco himself, out of his homeless guy disguise and holding another dozen red roses. Boy, does he clean up nice. It's hard to remind yourself that his tendency to, you know, kill people is probably a big, red flashing light when it comes to his potential as a mate. One date couldn't hurt, right?
Franco cornering Maxie would be cliffhanger enough for a Friday, but let's not forget that tiny matter of a car bomb about to explode. Back at Johnny's penthouse, he finally convinces Kristina to abandon her revenge scheme against Sonny and to "break up" their pretend relationship, and offers to drive her home. Meanwhile, the SAT prep class jig is up as Sam reports back to Alexis and Sonny that she visited the room where Kristina was supposedly taking the class and it was empty. Molly then fesses up that her sister is actually at Johnny's, which causes Sonny to race out the door to Harbor View Towers. He arrives in the garage just as Johnny and Kristina are making their way toward the rigged car. Johnny hits the unlock button on his car key, and Sonny watches it go up in flames.
So the episode GH has been building toward for weeks finally arrived--what did you think of it? And what do you think will happen this coming week?

The Countdown to Car Bomb Friday Is On

2010-07-01T20:53:00.011-04:00

Today's episode laid a lot of groundwork for what is sure to be one heck of a "Cliffhanger Friday" tomorrow before the long holiday weekend--what with cars about to blow up and serial killer Franco lurking through the streets of Port Charles. Sonny gathered together Milo and Max at the restaurant to put the final touches on the Johnny car bomb plan. I love how Sonny emphasized to Milo and Max to make sure nothing can be traced back to him. The entire town knows Sonny wants Johnny dead more than anything. Even if police can't trace physical evidence back to Sonny, well, his emotionally scarred 17-year-old daughter who hates him is going to know, his estranged son who hates him is going to know, the mother of said estranged son who Sonny's been trying to woo back since she arrived in Port Charles is going to know ... and the list goes on. Sonny makes less sense than even the Port Charles legal system and medical system combined. Really Sonny, you don't need a crystal ball or a psychic to predict that the only thing blowing up worse than Johnny's car is this plan, right in your face.

While Sonny was nailing out the details of Operation Car Bomb with Max and Milo in his office, Johnny arrived and decided to make himself comfortable in the restaurant, ordering a full meal and shooting the breeze with everyone's favorite waiter, Conan. The scene showed just how far the Mob Prince is willing to go to push Sonny's buttons, even taunting him that tiramisu is Kristina's favorite dessert because the brandy in it "loosens her up."

Back at The Harbor View Towers, Franco, looking all hot and rugged in homeless couture, continued to lurk outside Jason's condo while Stone Cold entertained a living room full of cops on his first night back from Pentonville. Maxie approaches the building and thinks she glimpses her former one-night stand, until he suddenly disappears into a random flash mob that spontaneously gathers in front of The Harbor View Towers and just as quickly disperses, taking Franco along with it. Later, the last scene of the episode shows Dante exiting Jason's building and running right into Franco, who he quickly pulls a gun on. Now how is our crazy psycho killer going to talk his way out of this one? If it wasn't for that meddling police officer ...
Back at General Hospital, two of what must be the only three surgeons on staff--Patrick and Lisa (they left surgeon no. three, Steve, to man The Nurses Station)--tackled Shirley's extremely risky brain surgery while carrying on a full-on flirt session. Really, you two? Why don't you just make out right over the poor anesthetized woman's body? Patrick really must be the World's Best Neurosurgeon if he can perform an incredibly complicated, the odds-are-against-us surgery and still find time to try to get into his ex-girlfriend's pants. The whole thing makes me mad. He doesn't even seem a little remorseful or guilty that he kissed a woman other than his wife. After the surgery, which of course is a success (I like Shirley, so thank goodness she had the World's Best Neurosurgeon), Drake Jr. continues to pontificate about how fabulous and amazing he is (telling Lisa he has "the hands of a God"), but not before making arrangements to go out drinking with the woman he had no business mauling on a couch just a couple nights ago. Oh, I'm so over this guy.
Outside of the OR, Liz and Nikolas wait for word on Shirley's surgery and managed to rekindle just a little bit of that spark that drove them to get naked countless times in Windamere's turret room. Unfortunately, just as Liz decides that maybe her baby daddy ain't so bad after all, poor, delicate, sensitive, insanely hot Lucky walks onto the oncology floor and witnesses the tender moment. This is why Lucky needs a good woman in his life STAT.

Goodbye Luke, Hello Franco

2010-06-30T22:08:00.013-04:00

Ah, the return of Franco. I've been looking forward to it for weeks now, although it didn't seem to have quite the same build-up as it did the last time around. Maybe it was just because "Mad World" didn't play on a continuous loop for weeks leading up to today. We actually saw a lot more of Franco on his first day back than I thought we would. In fact, he opened the show, in his now-standard homeless guy disguise. Since Franco is a man of only a few disguises, it might be wise at this point for the Port Charles PD to issue a statement to the town's residents: "If you see a hot, young homeless guy, he's most likely this world-famous artist/serial killer we've been searching for."

Not quite sure why Diane engaged in conversation with him for as long as she did. Certainly when he reached into his jacket for something to "entertain" her with, I would have done a 40-yard dash right out of that alley. Especially creepy: Franco caressing that toy monkey after Diane finally did leave.
While Port Charles said hello to Franco, it also said goodbye to Luke Spencer. I always get a little sniffly right along with the Spencer kids when Luke takes his annual summer leave from The Chuckles. The scenes with him and all three Spencer children were sweet, but especially touching was his earlier goodbye with Lucky. Ever since Jonathan Jackson returned as Lucky, I love the interactions between him and Luke. I read in a recent issue of ABC Soaps in Depth that Tony Geary said he DVR'ed today's scenes with Jonathan Jackson so he could go back and watch them, and now I can see why.Maxie returned to her favorite spot since her foot injury--a bench on the docks, this time to meet Matt. Honestly, I'm not sure why Matt continues to pull out all the stops for Maxie after her long history of mistreating him (other than that it's the only way he gets a rare few minutes of screen time). And while I do think they have a cute dynamic together, Matt fits Maxie's "bad boy" bill even less than Lucky. I'm just not sure how he'll solve the "danger" factor that she continuously reminds us that she's missing with Spinelli.

Speaking of Spinelli, I always thought his adoration for Jason was endearing, but it kinda creeped me out a bit today (although not as much as Franco caressing that monkey). Upon hearing the news of Stone Cold's release, Spinelli suddenly came to life after weeks of being holed up in a dark condo. He blew off Maxie to go to the market to stock up on all of Stone Cold's favorites, returning just in time to interrupt Sam fantasizing about seeing Jason again as a free man (an awww-worthy daydream that I actually thought was real for a moment):
Oblivious to the fact that Sam might want some alone time with Jason when he returns, Spinelli begins to do some fantasizing of his own about being reunited with his man-crush:
When Jason actually does arrive home with Dante in tow, he finds Sam, Spinelli and a room full of cops, including Ronnie Domestico, who informs Jason that he'll be watched so closely, they'll know when he scratches an itch. By the way, why is Ronnie still in Port Charles? Wasn't it established that he had a wife and kids back in Bensonhurst? Anyways, they weren't the only ones waiting for J-Morgue. Unbeknownst to our lovable enforcer, Franco himself was directly behind him as he returned home to The Harbor View Towers. Ooh, hottie homeless guy alert. OK, fine, GH, I'll just hum "Mad World" to myself.
One last note on today's episode: Was it odd that Lisa and Patrick picked their flirting right back up after their earlier indiscretion on Doc Niles' couch? Patrick didn't even look the least bit guilty about almost getting real busy with a woman other than his wife. Have we not seen the last of these two and their awkward attraction to one another?

It's Bensonhurst Vs. Bensonhurst as Olivia and Connie Throw Down

2010-06-29T21:19:00.011-04:00

It's been an extra busy week at work, and I missed yesterday's episode of General Hospital. So while I had read about Patrick and Lisa kissing a couple weeks ago, I missed everything yesterday that lead up to it actually happening. I wasn't happy at all about this development. While I'll be the first to admit that I'm simply not a Robin fan (never have been), there are aspects of Robin and Patrick's relationship that I appreciate. I think it's a very real-to-life relationship, relatively speaking, as far as soap couples go (not like some where, say, each party is on their 11th marriage), so it makes it even harder to see one cheat on the other. Also, I never really saw the character of Lisa as anything more than a ploy to cause conflict in Robin and Patrick's marriage after they resolved Robin's postpartum depression and the couple was seemingly beginning to live happily ever after. I never felt any kind of real chemistry between Patrick and Lisa; it all just seemed forced upon us by the writers.

I will say, though, that Brianna Brown, who plays Lisa, gave this scene hell. As Lisa said, it's easy to make her out to be the home wrecker, but let's not forget Patrick's part in all of this. Dude punched out his boss because he was so jealous that he was sleeping with his ex--whether that was the result of true feelings for Lisa or simply ego, Best Neurosurgeon in the World was up to no good, and has been for awhile. Truth.
Over by the docks, Maxie summoned Lucky to provide her with some protection on what us viewers know as the eve of Franco's return ("mad world, mad woooorrrlllld ..."). Although Maxie denied using the situation as a way to seduce Lucky, telling him "that was so four years ago," there's definitely something about these two interacting that I really enjoy watching. I'm almost on board to root for these two as the next potential big couple, but I'm not sure if Lucky is "bad boy" enough for Maxie, and I can't take yet another woman cheating on that poor man and his tear-filled eyes. I'm still not over the time he took the baseball bat to the Spencer living room after finding out about Liz and Nikolas.

I'm sad to have to remind all of you that Ethan is STILL sporting that wretched hairdo. My goodness, is this like the fourth or fifth day of that thing hanging like a marble sack on the back of this head? Honestly, in addition to how the camera people could possibly shoot footage of him like that while keeping a straight face, I also do not understand even in the slightest the point of those scenes between Maya and Ethan today. If she knew it wasn't really his apartment and if she knew he was involved in the mob, why did she go over there and act so into him all of a sudden? Only to do a complete 180 just because Johnny walked in? Oh, I don't like this Maya character. She's wasting my time. And hair aside, I really do like Ethan and would like to see him matched with someone interesting. I liked that they tried to tap back into the Ward history with Maya, but eh, sadly it's not working.
And then suddenly, the episode got a thousand times better. For starters, my man Coleman showed up. I'll say it yet again, I love absolutely anything that involves Coleman, and that includes his relationship with Kate, even though I was never a huge fan of her character before. But come on people, how can you argue with a mustache like that:
But then something happened that, dare I say, even topped Coleman. It was a good ol' fashion Bensonhurst brawl when Olivia showed up and started putting her "hoo-has" all up in Coleman's business--or at least Connie thought so. There were just so many classic lines in this scene, one of my favorites being Olivia to Connie: "Your mouth is writing checks that your ass can't cash." Ha! I almost want to get in an argument with someone just so I can use that. If you didn't see the scene today, please click here and watch it. I promise you it's worth it. Interesting to note that our other Bensonhurst babe, Brook Lynn, was on hand to witness the event, but stayed far out of the line of fire. Luckily, Patrick and Steve, who know a little something about brawling, were there to break the whole thing up before fists starting flying.

So, good stuff, right? Or are we just killing time (no pun intended) until the Franco show starts up tomorrow? What did you think of the Patrick and Lisa kiss? Maya and Ethan? The Bensonhurst Brawlers?

Recap of Last Night's Daytime Emmys: Old Guys, Orange Skin and A Few Awards Thrown In

2010-06-28T19:23:00.007-04:00

I wasn't planning to do a recap of last night's Daytime Emmy Awards, but after sitting through the two-hour show, well, I have some thoughts I'd like to share. Since this post wasn't pre-medidated, I didn't take any notes while watching the show, and I apologize for not having any screen shots, but here are some random observations:

At least half of the fun of awards shows is the red carpet, yet instead of CBS airing this one, I instead had to watch Tony Hawk pretend to be a cashier. Of course, I give credit to Soap Opera Network for attempting to stream the red carpet online, but for anyone who tried to actually watch it, it was fraught with technical difficulties--to the point where I found it unwatchable. I don't know what most of the stars looked like last night and sadly the few that I do know what they looked like includes Ron Moss and that funky scarf.
Did they call David Copperfield up five minutes before the show started to see if he could kick things off? What was with the casual, untucked look? I'm sorry to break it to you Daytime Emmys, but I've read the book, and I'm pretty sure that means he's just not that into you. Way to start the show.
I thought it was cool that David Letterman appeared to do a Top 10 on the show ... but why a Top 10 about Regis? Why not about the soaps? Like," Top 10 Reasons You Know Your Soap Character's Not Really Dead. No. 10: You blow up in car." I realize Regis is a part of daytime too, but he was already getting plenty of exposure as host.
I wasn't exactly paying the closest of attention (thank you, Twitter, for the distraction) but I'm pretty sure an odd parade of older men started to come out at this point. I do remember Don Rickles appearing at one point and thinking, "What in the world does he have to do with daytime?" I'm sure they explained it, but I was too bored to care.
It's near impossible to say anything bad about Dick Clark, and I was completely choked up when he started crying at the end of the American Bandstand Tribute ... but did we really need that long of an American Bandstand Tribute? Especially when other tributes, namely the one to As The World Turns, were so stinkin' short?
One highlight of the Bandstand tribute was when all the stars started doing the twist at their seats along with Chubby Checker up on stage--I may or may not have twisted just a little in my living room. But what in the world was Chubby wearing? Maroon pants and a red blouse (yes, I said blouse) with some odd gray jacket over the whole mess? Much like everyone knows not to wear white after Labor Day, can we please make a similar fashion rule about wearing maroon and red together? Please. I implore you. Do it for Chubby.
Yeah, they were in Vegas. I got it. Did not need the Lion King performance, or the human crab walking over to hand Wayne Brady an envelope to reinforce that concept. If you want to give me Vegas, give me a slot machine and a martini. Otherwise, don't bother.
Speaking of Vegas, are there no good tanning salons there? Why was everyone orange? Like, really orange?
As I tweeted last night, The Blue Man Group ranks just beneath clowns and The Burger King on my list of things that seriously freak me the flip out. I have a restraining order out against any man in blue makeup, and they broke it by appearing on my TV set last night.
Maybe if they cut down on the aforementioned Bandstand tribute, Lion King performance, Blue Man Group appearance, etc., they would have had more time for the actual awards. I was sorely disappointed that they skipped the clip reels while presenting the acting awards and that the show reels for Best Drama Series weren't longer. Not only is this a time to spotlight the nominees, but very few people watch every single soap, and the reels give the audience a taste of their favorites' competition.
What happened to Cheech and Chong? Did I spend the whole night wondering what the heck could Cheech and Chong possibly be doing there (as promised in the opening credits) and somehow miss them on the show?

As for who won the actual awards, I only watch General Hospital these days, so I can't really say who was deserving and who might have gotten robbed. I know I was thrilled when Julie Berman and GH's directing team won, and flat-out miserable whenever GH or one of its actors lost.

So what am I forgetting, folks? Because I'm sure I'm forgetting something. What were your overall thoughts on the show? I saw a stat today on Twitter that the ratings for last night were up more than 80 percent over last year's broadcast on The CW, which is great to hear for daytime. But I watched more out of obligation than enjoyment, and frankly, daytime fans--and stars--deserve better.

How Do You Solve a Problem Like Kristina?

2010-06-26T19:57:00.008-04:00

Friday's episode started off right where Thursday's left off--with Sam in a tub full of bubbles trying to coax her man into some hanky panky telephone-style, even suggesting that she'd like to see him "all oiled up." But when she got to the part about her and Jason taking a Mediterranean cruise, I started to imagine Stone Cold in the buffet line or on the shuffle board court, and that kept me way more entertained than the couple's phone call. I did think it was sweet, though, when Sam said, "You can't stop me from my big dreams," and Jason replied, "I would never try." Ahhh. Under that extremely chiseled exterior, he really is just a big softie.

He just moved in, but something tells me that Johnny Z. is going to have to replace the carpeting in his penthouse doorway very soon given the amount of visitors that come in and out in a single episode. First through the door today was Kristina. After telling Jason just yesterday that the "Johnny Kristina Port Charles" revenge plot against Sonny "works for me," the Mob Prince suddenly changed his tune, telling Kristina that their pretend relationship has to end. In the meantime, Sonny gathered together Max and Milo to order a hit on Johnny. Hmm, I'm sure that brilliant plan will go off without a hitch. And good thing Sonny's flying so far under the radar on this one that no one would ever suspect that he would want Johnny dead.

While Johnny tried to figure out how you solve a problem like Kristina, there was an impromptu Bensonhurst reunion on the docks as Brook Lynn ran into Olivia gazing up at Johnny's penthouse. Olivia proceeded to give Brook a crash course in Zacchara history, and when she mentioned Johnny's past attempt to go legit, I had a flashback to that one winter where the poor guy was selling Christmas trees in an attempt to distance himself from his insane mob family. Legit Johnny was bittersweet ... he was adorable for trying, but you knew it would never last. Back to JOlivia, this couple never fails to strike an emotional cord with me. I'll admit to getting a little misty when Olivia told Brook Lynn, "That man is directly responsible for some of the happiest moments of my life." Aww. Of course, I think wine and handcuffs played a major role in a lot of those moments, but I don't judge.

Quite honestly, I actually thought something happened to my recording of this episode, and that it cut out part of the episode. Because one minute, Olivia was wistfully telling Brook that her and Johnny are over. And then the next minute, she's running into Johnny's place to make another happy moment. Huh? But oh, what the hell, I'd throw logic out the window too if this was waiting for me on the other side of that penthouse door:

Only one problem: Johnny was so caught off guard by Olivia's unexpected visit that he forgot to tie the sock around the doorknob to alert all potential visitors that he was getting busy inside ... and Kristina walks in on the couple right in the middle of some couch lovin' and Olivia telling Johnny that she was doing what no 17-year-old could possibly do. Amen to that, sister. BTW, does being a pretend girlfriend give you the privilege not to knock? Sheesh.

Elsewhere in The Chuckles: Kristina wasn't the only Corinthos kid to walk in on some spontaneous nookie today, as poor Michael interrupted Lante getting ready to make sweet love in the middle of his new home. Later, Michael shared some bonding time with new neighbor Brook Lynn, who offered ... what else? ... to cook for him sometime. And Carly and Jax shared a tender moment over a mutual agreement that Sonny should be out of their lives. And all I kept thinking was, "Hee hee, just wait til Brender shows back up in August and throws you two for one major-ass loop!"

Phone Sex Fails to Heat Up Stone Cold

2010-06-25T21:16:00.014-04:00

So I just watched Thursday's episode of General Hospital tonight. Since I'm a day behind, my original plan was to do one post on both yesterday's and today's episodes ... but well, there's simply way to much going on in The Chuckles to just gloss over things like phone sex attempts and Mercedes contemplating a leave of absence as caretaker for all of Port Charles' children under 12. BTW, with all the children she's cared for, how has Mercedes never factored into a "cheating with the nanny" storyline? That seems like prime soap opera material, after all. At the very least, in a town where the single men obviously outnumber the single women, Mercedes could be well utilized as a potential love interest for, say, a Matt Hunter, or Milo, or even that Conan guy who waiters at Sonny's pretend restaurant.

Speaking of men outnumbering the women, how in the world did boring ol' Maya command the attention of all three Spencer men at one time? As I've said before, I really want to like her, but GH is doing everything it can to make sure that never happens. I did laugh though when Ethan asked her out for drinks and she replied, "We'll see how my day goes." Translation: "I'm not going anywhere in public with a man with that hideous half bun on the back of his head." Oh honey, you should have been here earlier when the eggs were served.

Back in Pentonville, Jason takes a break from all his many visitors--no, not to bang out license plates, but to make a personal phone call. Ah, the life of a prisoner. A very bubbly Sam (see what I did there?) answers the phone and, while perhaps well-intentioned, attempts to have phone sex with the most non-talkative, unemotional man on the planet. Save it for the conjugal visit room, Sam. God love him, but your man's a do-er, not a talker.

Luckily for Jason and Sam, GH has decided to twist the law into a pretzel once again and give Jason a free pass out of Pentonville. In order to lure out Franco, who's mailing out so many pics of dead bodies he's running out of postage stamps, Jason will be released from the big house and placed in the custody of ... who else? ... Dante Falconeri, patron saint of criminals and otherwise wayward souls. There's one catch, though: If Jason runs while on this special prison furlough, it's Dante who gets shipped to Pentonville to hang out in the visitation room all day and occasionally make dirty phone calls. Now, if I were Jason, and seeing as how he kinda sorta hates Dante for being a traitor to the organization and getting Michael sent to prison, I might just grab Sam out of the bubble bath and head for The Island, just to see the Falc-ster get thrown behind bars. But I have a sneaking suspicion Franco will take precedence over any Dante revenge schemes.

Speaking of Franco, he returns to Port Chuck in just a few days. Are you guys excited to have him back?

General Hospital Violence Continues: Ethan Murders Plate of Eggs

2010-06-23T20:19:00.011-04:00

As a woman with a forum to publicly express her views on the Internet by way of this blog, I find it necessary to interrupt our regularly scheduled programming from time to time to issue a public service, if I feel the message is of the utmost importance and will have an overwhelmingly positive impact on society as a whole. Today, my friends, is one of those rare times. Man or woman, I vehemently urge you to heed the advice I am about to impart. In the simplest of terms: Never, ever, under even the most extreme of circumstances, style your hair like this:

Now that that business has been taken care of, we can move on to all the many things that I love about the Spencer men. As I mentioned yesterday, I'm a huge fan of Jonathan Jackson's Lucky, and I've particularly enjoyed his interactions with Tony Geary since he's returned to the role. I'm happy, too, that Lucky and Luke are now in a place where their relationship is about more than just animosity and disapproval. I'm looking forward to seeing how this whole "Odd Couple" scenario plays out with Luke crashing at Lucky's apartment. I, for one, was amused from the moment Luke woke up drunk on Lucky's couch.

I didn't want to be too hard on Ethan after calling him out on the whole hair thing, but it's impossible to talk about today's episode without mentioning, well, The Eggs. I mean, home boy went Rambo on that plate of eggs. The man steals for a living. If he was that hungry, couldn't he have swiped a scone off of the Quartermaine credenza and ate it on the way over?

Elsewhere in the Chuckles, Doc Niles has decided that playing both sides of the fence is much more fun than playing just one. After Patrick tries to show up to work after yesterday's suspension, and Steve promptly escorts him back out, Lisa runs to Patrick to tell him that Steve is taking this whole fist to the face thing "a little too far" and she's totally on Patrick's side. Our perky orthopedist even goes so far as to promise Patrick that she'll talk to The Man She's Sleeping With on Patrick's behalf. Meanwhile, Lisa, don't you know that the first rule of Fight Club is that you don't talk about Fight Club? But once back at GH, Lisa snuggles up to Chief Stevie and tells him that Patrick crossed the line by hitting him and he deserves the suspension. Ooh, I didn't know she was that devious.

By the way, I know I'm splitting hairs when it comes to GH actually mirroring reality, but don't you think suspension would be the least of it if you punched your boss in the face in the middle of the workplace? And then called him an idiot? Even if your official title is Best Neurosurgeon in the World.

Port Charles' Not So Young and Restless Throw a Pity Party at Jake's

2010-06-22T21:20:00.008-04:00

If there's one thing you should know about me, it's that I sure do love me some Coleman. The man just makes me smile. So whenever my favorite bartender and his dive bar, Jake's, get some screen time, I'm usually a happy girl. After all, Jake's is for all that's fun and carefree in the usual somber, macabre Port Charles--girls' nights out and tequila shooters, karaoke and non-wedding receptions, not to mention getting loaded and taking someone you have no business being with in the first place to the infamous "room upstairs." Just like the Docks are for overhearing other peoples' conversations and occasionally pushing someone into the water, Jake's is for letting your hair down and having a good time.

So who moved the old man pity party into our favorite watering hole today? Oh yes, that would Patrick, fresh off of punching Steve in the face and receiving a suspension from his position as Best Neurosurgeon in the World. He's soon joined by Luke, and the two try to reconcile their lives as former playboys who have now found themselves settled down as one-woman men.

After all that's been made about Patrick's wild bachelor days, that he would be struggling to adjust to the major changes in his life seems authentic to me. I'd even buy the ex-girlfriend jealousy thing ... but I just don't see any spark at all between Patrick and Lisa, even a "hey we use to do it a lot" spark. The whole Lisa thing seemed forced from day one just to cause some friction between Patrick and Robin. BTW, gotta love Lisa telling Patrick that, yes, her and Steve are "sleeping together" ... way to stay classy, Doc Niles. I might have gone with the more discreet "we're dating," or "we're enjoying each other's denim."

Anyway boys, next time you want to commiserate over how wild and fun you use to be, take it over to the Haunted Star. They need the patrons over there anyway. Leave Jake's for when you're in the mood for a round of sex on the beach shots and singing "Sweet Caroline" from the nearest table top.

Oh, and one other thing you should know about me: I adore Jonathan Jackson and "his" Lucky. So I've been particularly interested to see who he's going to be paired with next, romantically-speaking--Claire, Maxie, Maya, Alfred's daughter who has just moved to Windamere from Seattle (and that last one's just off the top of my head, GH writers; my resume is available upon request should you need further assistance). Personally, I've loved the few Lucky and Claire scenes we've had (Clucky!), although I like his chemistry with Maxie too. Today we got to see Lucky in the middle of a Claire-Maxie sandwich down at the precinct. So what do you think? Who does Lucky have the greatest chemistry with? Who do you want to see him coupled up with?

One last thing: Maxie's pink crutches. Fabulous.

Sam Resurrects the Ghost of Brenda for Some Lovin', Jailhouse-Style

2010-06-21T20:39:00.010-04:00

(So after a long day at work, I finally sat down to watch today's episode of General Hospital ... and like Michael asking Dante for a cold beer, I was quickly denied. For some reason, my DVR chose to malfunction today. So a special thank you to GeneralHospital678's YouTube channel for helping me catch up. And my apologies for the screen shots not being as hi-def as usual.)

The steady stream of visitors continued into Pentonville today. I'd joke about how they should just move Jason's cot into the visitor's room since he's in there more than in his cell, but well, we'll get to his visit from Sam in a minute. First in line for a little one-on-one time with P-ville's most popular prisoner was Maxie. (BTW, her new haircut, which I wasn't a fan of at first, is starting to grow on me. I think Maxie, or Kristin Storms for that matter, can pull off anything). We quickly learned that Dante and Jason aren't the only ones to receive recent calling cards from our favorite psychopath, Franco. Maxie also received the same photo that Dante did of Random Dead Guy. And she wants Jason Morgan, our cute, cuddly "head case of a different sort," to put a stop to all this Franco nonsense once and for all.

Maxie gets my "line of the day" for proclaiming that Jason sending himself to prison to protect Michael was "the most selfish thing you've ever done," since it renders him nearly useless to protect her and the rest of Port Chuck from the infamous artist/nut case. Ahh, I can already hear Adam Lambert's "Mad World" playing in the background ... "mad world, mad wooorrrllldd ..."

Over at that same patch of grass that all Port Chuck residents visit when they decide to go to the park, Patrick is spending some quality father-daughter time with Emma (isn't she adorable, by the way?) when, uh oh, out from behind the bushes like a bear ready to steal your picnic basket ... it's the denim twins, Lisa and Steve. And they're toting ice cream cones and, yes, of course, they're wearing denim. In fact, I think Steve was wearing the same denim shirt that Lisa disrobed him of last week. Has this become Steve's "lucky" shirt? If this keeps up, we're soon going to see denim scrubs in the surgical wing. Lisa and Steve may procreate just so they can put their kid in those new denim diapers.

As most of you already know, Vanessa Marcil is resuming her role of Brenda Barrett in August, and we got the first mention of her on GH since the big announcement last week. Spinelli managed to resurrect Jason and Brenda's old marriage license so Sam could impersonate Brenda and use the paperwork to get a little jailhouse lovin'. OK, I'll admit it, I want a conjugal visit with Jason Morgan, because damn, that was hot, people.

Perhaps the only place getting more visitors than Pentonville is Johnny Z.'s mafia condo. Between P-ville and Jay-Z's place, the Metro Court would kill for even a fraction of that foot traffic. First up is Brook, who after witnessing a conversation between Olivia and Lulu about Johnny and Kristina, storms over to Jay-Z's to reprimand him for getting involved with young, impressionable K, and to warn him that if he continues, "it will blow up big time." Hmm, is that a premonition, Madame Ashton? Nah, really she's just trying to get into Jay-Z's pants. But, heck, can you blame her? (BTW, if you melted all of Dante's many gold chains together, I think you'd get something similar to what was hanging around Brook's neck today: )

Next up on Johnny's doorstep is Alexis, who he offers "wine, scotch, pig in a blanket?" Ah, your buddy in crime and comedy, Ethan, would be proud of you for that zinger, Jay-Z. But before Alexis can get very far with her "how dare you use an impressionable 17-year-old to seek your Sonny revenge" speech, Kristina herself shows up and stakes her claim on her pretend boyfriend. She wants to be with Johnny, and nothing's going to stop her.

So what are your thoughts on this Sonny revenge plot I've dubbed "Johnny Kristina Port Charles"? At first, I was really turned off to even the pretend idea of Johnny and Kristina together. And while I still don't think it's right that Johnny is even entertaining this in lieu of Kristina's age and recent trauma (not to mention what it's done to him and Olivia) it has made for some captivating television these last few days.

Dante Orchestrates Michael's Release, Must Wear Fewer Gold Chains as Part of Deal

2010-06-19T09:20:00.008-04:00

Wow, I'm still wrapping my head around yesterday's episode. I have to say, I wasn't initially looking forward to seeing the "Johnny Kristina Port Charles" (and special thanks to my blog follower PartyAtJakes for getting that movie reference) storyline play out, but it already has made for some amazing television, especially the scenes involving Johnny and Olivia.

As I said earlier this week, JOlivia is one of the most authentic couples on the show--funny considering I thought they only started out as a gimmick ("hey, let's do the whole cougar/MILF thing!"). And I really felt for both of them on Friday. Johnny's singular motivation is to bring down Sonny and avenge his sister, even if it means, as Olivia pointed out, using a 17-year-old abuse victim. Johnny should have never even pretended to cross that line.

On the other hand, it was difficult to see this couple moving forward in light of Olivia's feelings for Sonny (remember Olivia and Sonny making out over a pot of chili in the kitchen at Kelly's?). Loved the scenes with Johnny pouring his heart out to new best bud, Ethan (by the way, has Ethan actually moved into his pretend apartment?! He's there more than Johnny). "Olivia and I don't love each the same way," the mob prince told Ethan and his ever-present pocket chain. "She has all of my heart ... and I only have the piece of hers that doesn't belong to Sonny." Sad, but true, Johnny Z. Sad, but true.

By the way, how could Kristina actually say to Ethan, "I hadn't really thought about it like that--that someone could die." Uh, it's Sonny Corinthos, my dear. Someone always dies. Isn't that why you threw Ethan under the bus in the first place? Because you thought Daddy would kill Keifer if he knew the truth? Did you really think he was going to decompress from his daughter sleeping with his arch enemy with a glass of warm chamomile and a long bath?

To add a little levity and humor to such a heavy, emotional episode, we cut to Jason and Claire Walsh discussing serial killer Franco. Normally, a conversation about a serial killer wouldn't be light and funny, but this is The Chuckles after all. "I'm not like Franco," the hit man proclaimed to Claire. "No, you're a headcase of a different sort," the prosecutor quipped back. Hee hee. She's got a point there, Jason Morgue-an.

I am always baffled by how General Hospital portrays our legal system, but the logic of this latest plot twist truly escapes me. I'm not a lawyer, so maybe this could conceivable happen in real life ... but I'm skeptical. So Judge Carroll has suddenly released Michael from his prison sentence based on a conversation he has with a cop who happens to be the prisoner's half-brother. No lawyers present, no nothing. Just good ol' Dante and Judge Carroll working out a deal:

"OK, OK, we'll give Michael the counseling and community service everyone's been begging for. But he must live with you, Dante, in your tiny studio apartment that doesn't seem to have a door bell. Or a lock. And he can't see Sonny! Oh, and one more thing ... "

"Anything, Judge Carroll. I'll do anything for my bruth-er."

"Cut the number of gold chains you wear per day down to four!"

Convoluted or not, it was good to see Michael out of a prison uniform and back home in Port Chuck. Even baby Josselyn showed up for the occasion:

Judge Carroll Grants Michael's Release, Dante Rushes Home to "Celebrate"

2010-06-17T18:38:00.010-04:00

So I missed a few scenes of today's episode, but I think I got the gist of what's going on. Dante visited Judge Carroll to plead with him for Michael's release, and for whatever reason, it actually worked this time. Then Dante got so worked up over his success--or perhaps the vision of the Judge looking devastatingly handsome in a shirt and tie--that he immediately ran home to Lulu and started tearing off clothing. Nothing like celebrating an 18-year-old's imminent release from prison with a little afternoon lovin'. BTW, what's the benefits package like over there at Crimson? Lots of paid time off I'm assuming?

Back to Judge Carroll for a minute: I've generally enjoyed his character, but what's with the rationale of throwing Michael in prison to get him away from Sonny? Yeah, I get it, the influence of a mob boss father is not a good one, but is incarceration with harden, dangerous criminals really a wise alternative? Six of one, half dozen of another, Judge Smarty Pants.

The most ill-conceived ploy ever, "Johnny Kristina Port Charles," ramped up today smack in the middle of the Chuckles' newest and most popular thoroughfare--Baker Street (also where Carly takes her fake yoga class, where the MEthan coffee incident took place, and now, where Sonny witnessed his daughter being "felt up" by Jay-Z). Something about this whole thing really disturbs me. Everything Sonny's done aside, it seems more than a little sick to get back at him by making him think a grown man is getting busy with his 17-year-old daughter, who's just getting over being violently abused. Given Kristina's habit of lying, and Jay-Z's habit of doing just about anything to lash out at Sonny, why isn't anyone taking a closer look into this? And hasn't Sonny learned yet that jumping to conclusions that may be false, and threatening to murder someone regardless, might not be his ultimate pathway to success? If I was Morgan, I'd start taking karate lessons in Japan ... family be crazy!

I hope Johnny doesn't get snuffed out though for messin' with the mob boss's daughter, as I'm really enjoyed this whole Odd Couple thing him and Ethan have going on right now. (Side Note: Is it possible for Maya to bitch anymore than she already does? Don't waste your pretend apartment on that nag, Big E.)

Cut to Pentonville, and more Shawshank Redemption scenes today between Jason Morgan Freedman and Michael Tim Robbins. Was Jason writing in a journal at one point? Meanwhile, this Pentonville gets more visitors than a Sunday open house over in the "good" part of town. I did feel bad for Michael at the end, though, when he said that mob life was the only future he could have after his time in the slammer. You know Michael's portrayer Chad Duell is probably thinking, "Great, how did I get stuck with this? Every other soap teen gets a fun, summer at the pool club storyline ... "

You Had Me At "Let Me Clean Up Your Cleavage"

2010-06-16T17:14:00.010-04:00

I guess GH wisely figured they didn't need to drag out the Denim Twins post-coitus, as Steve was already showered and back at the hospital treating patients by the top of today's episode. Wait, didn't we just leave you and your marvelous abs back on Doc Niles' couch? Apparently, a more pressing duty called in the name of Tracy Q. and her Greece-induced viral infection.

While I have to admit to fast-forwarding through most of Luke and Tracy's dungeon scenes last week, I do often enjoy these two and their banter quite a bit. (BTW, Luke stealing the flowers out of the neighboring hospital room to give to Tracy ... classic!) And I really do feel for Tracy when she has these moments where she just can't take Luke's antics anymore, because Jane Elliot plays it so well. "You made a fool of me and broke my heart," she told him today ... sniff sniff. But at this point, she's starting to sound like the Quartermaine who cried wolf ... she's given this speech to Luke before (usually right before he jets off to Amsterdam, err, parts unknown) but she always ends up taking him back.

Back at the Quartermaine mansion, Edward was mourning the anniversary of Justice's death while Maya sat and listened with the depth of a cardboard cutout. I tried to like her yesterday, I really did. But there's just nothing there, people. Even still, GH seems to be full steam ahead with the MEthan pairing. Um, from what I could see, Maya spilled coffee on her upper chest/cleavage area. And Ethan was going to help her "clean that up"? Back at his pretend apartment? Considering you get pissed at everything, Maya, how about the fact that this guy you supposedly loathe just offered to wipe down your boobs back at his place?

Is it just me or could Ethan and Johnny totally team up for a buddy comedy? I'm seeing the next Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn here, complete with madcap mob hijinx: "It all sounds good ... except for that little 'we could die' thing." "Oh, just donate all this crap to charity then!" (roll laugh track)

The Only Thing Better Than One Denim Shirt ... Is Two Denim Shirts

2010-06-15T19:19:00.007-04:00

It's hard to start off a recap of today's episode with anything other than Johnny and Olivia. I mean, holy shattered glass in the carpet! For a pairing that at first seemed nothing more than a gimmick ("ooh, this cougar thing seems to be taking off!"), I think they are one of the more interesting, dynamic and certainly the most passionate couple on the show right now--whether they're fighting or making up. Even though it always seems as if the odds are stacked against them, they always end up getting busy on the couch in the middle of a good bottle of wine and a plate of pasta. (And seems only right that they stay together since neither one of them have bedrooms in their apartments.) But hot sex and half-eaten chicken parm aside, their last scene together today was truly touching, and the main reason why we root for these two crazy kids to stick together. See, Lucky, you're not the only guy in Port Charles who's man enough to openly shed a tear or two.

Jolivia weren't the only ones steaming up the window panes in Port Chuck. The town's resident "denim twins," Steve and Lisa, also took it to the couch with a bottle of wine and dueling shirts that made me wonder if they started purposely coordinating clothes before they even officially became a couple. I have to say, I felt more awkward than anything watching these two. Which is a shame, because Steve is really hot. And I think I saw something ridiculous like an 8-pack when Lisa disrobed him of his denim. I'm actually surprised good guy Steve still hopped aboard SS Lisa knowing she really has the hots for Patrick and he's nothing more than a "Mr. Right Now." But I guess it's hard to say "no" when your buttons are being pulled at by a pretty blonde with a Nascar fetish. Denim Twin Powers ... Activate!

I actually started to like Maya Ward just a smidge today during her last scene with Ethan, before she got up and stormed out of the only casino known to man that's rarely open for business. Up until now, she has seemed mostly stiff and dull. And while I get that the whole "he likes her, she hates him" is a standard ploy for laying the groundwork of a potential couple, her sudden outburst at Ethan just seemed forced and judgemental. I dunno, am I missing something with her? With her and Ethan? Is this a MEthan in the making that's gonna take the Chuckles by storm?

Sonny Will Hate It More Than God Hates Sin

2010-06-14T20:39:00.009-04:00

No, not a pair of khakis and a polo shirt. Of course, we're talking about Kristina's master plan to feign a little somethin' somethin' between herself and Port Chuck's hot mob prince, Johnny Zacchara--just the mere thought of which would send Sonny screaming right out of his silk suit. Johnny's not biting for now, but something tells me (and no, not just the spoilers I read) that we haven't heard the last of this convoluted scheme. I'm surprised Johnny didn't bring up Olivia as one of the many reasons for not playing Kristina's reindeer games. For a man so deeply in love, you would think not pissing off your hot-blooded girlfriend would be top on your list of priorities. Hey Johnny, I think someone once mentioned she's from Bensonhurst, and we hear the broads are pretty tough around there.

Speaking of Sonny, why so much screen time for him and Claire Walsh? Are we really going to go through the whole Sonny seduces the prosecutor storyline yet again? I really enjoyed Claire's scenes with Lucky a few weeks ago, and was hoping the show would continue to build on that obvious chemistry. Although I guess Claire can't exactly make cute with Lucky while he's busy wreaking havoc (and yes, I do mean that bad Irish accent) all across Greece. If Jonathan Jackson doesn't get an Emmy for managing to tear up in nearly every scene he performs, then there's no justice in this bloody world. And can someone please tell me what shade of lipstick he wears? I'm convinced it will go perfect with my skin coloring.

Yes, it was sorta cute that Emmy award winner Julie Berman's character Lulu told Dante that she was giving him an Emmy winning performance. But Emmy caliber or not, could the Lante show take a hiatus before I will Lulu and her towel to, oops, plummet right down the elevator shaft?

Enjoyed the banter between Carly and Patrick. If Kristina hadn't already delivered that "my dad will hate it more than God hates sin" gem, Carly would have walked off with the line of the day for claiming that Lisa's affections for Patrick were so obvious "she might as well be wearing a sandwich board." Not to mention how she then went on to accuse Patrick of picturing Lisa nekkid under said sandwich board.

The violent fighting--and ultimately murder--scene between Jason and Carter was disturbing to say the least on Friday, and Carter's deathbed (shower floor?) message from Franco gave me quite a chill. I haven't read anything about what happens to Jason as a result of Carter's death, so I'm watching and waiting along with the rest of you who refuse to be spoiled. But with the warden confronting Jason at the end of today's episode, something is about to go down. I don't understand, could the warden/prison guards actually have found the bloody clothes Jason masterfully hid underneath his cot? Why, that's the last place anyone would look!

Sunday, June 13, 2010: I'm Back, Baby

2010-06-13T20:27:00.002-04:00

So I was on a pretty good roll back in 2008. I contributed a total of 50 posts to The Nurses' Station before deciding to give it up to focus on other writing projects. I was also a little discouraged, as I'm pretty sure I only had one follower in all that time I was posting (big shout out to PartyAtJakes!)

What I didn't give up on, though, was watching General Hospital, which I've been doing consistently since the 1980s. These days, I record each day's episode and watch it in the evening, or if it's a particularly busy work week, I'll hold a mini-marathon over the weekend to catch up.

I can't tell you how many times over the past year and a half or so I've watched an episode and thought, "I wish I could blog about that!" Afterall, a lot has happened since my last post back in September of 2008. It's actually funny to go back and read those old posts. It seems a lifetime ago that Carly was flirting with Karpov, Lulu was seeing visions of a dead Logan, and we were wondering if Laura had really woken up from her coma or whether she was just a hallucination.

Today, I was procrastinating on a project (as is typical of me) and dug up my old Blogger username and password ... and sure enough, they still work. I write for a living, and also write two other blogs, so I think I'm a little crazy for taking this back on. But there's little on TV that I enjoy talking about more than the folks of Port Chuckles, so here I go. Can't wait until tomorrow's episode!

Wednesday, 9/3/08: Fastest Trial in History

2008-09-03T19:42:00.002-04:00

Amazing. GH will drag out a storyline like the monotonous back and forth between Patrick and Robin for months and months ("I wanna be a part of the baby's life." "No." "I want to move in with you." "No." "I want to marry you." "No.") yet Johnny Zacchara is about to get the fastest trial in the history of the U.S. legal system. Jury selection and the start of the trial all in one day? We should have a verdict by end of episode tomorrow. Let's hope they at least give Epiphany enough time to close the deal with that fellow juror.

Nice use of Coleman the Bartender (who even knew that was his name?) with his freestyle "C. Diddy" rap. Apparently it's very gangsta in Coleman's bar. If you remember, this is where Robin and Patrick had the "your baby momma momma" fight.

So both Clarisse and Diane are gunning for Kate to tell her about the Sonny-Carly limo sex ... but will they actually do it? From everything I've read, there IS a Sonny and Kate wedding, and I can't imagine Kate still marrying him after learning of that betrayal. And I haven't read any spoilers lately, so should be interesting to see how that all plays out.

So is Laura (the awake Laura at least) real or just a Lulu hallucination? I hope the former, but it seems a little odd that neither Nikolas or Lucky have dropped in on Shady Brook while Laura and Lulu are bonding. Then again, wouldn't be the first time a GH storyline didn't exactly make sense. At least I hope we've seen the last of Dead Logan ... dude freaked me out.

Monday, 9/1/08: Am I the Only One Who Misses Faison?

2008-09-01T19:55:00.003-04:00

There's a new poll in the forum section of Maria Ciaccia's General Hospital Blog on About.com that asks which GH character do you miss being around the most. The choices are Helena Cassadine, Bobbi Spencer, Alan Quartermaine, Caesar Faison and Roy DiLucca. So far, I'm the only one who has voted for Caesar! Poor Roy DiLucca can't even muster up one vote ...

http://forums.about.com/n/pfx/forum.aspx?tsn=1&nav=messages&webtag=ab-generalhosp&tid=71308

Thursday, 8/28/08: All Up In Robin and Patrick's Business

2008-08-28T22:13:00.003-04:00

Just one question on today's show: Isn't the hospital sick of being in the middle of Robin and Patrick's business?! Put down the damn intercom phone. You've got people battling life-threatening illnesses and they have to be subjected to Patrick knows Robin better than she knows herself and Robin's stubborn but Patrick still loves her ... Enough already! Obviously GH's top docs are more concerned with feeding their own drama than caring for their patients. Sick folks would be better off going to County ...

Wednesday, 8/27/08: Ooohhh, Kate's in Trouble

2008-08-27T21:52:00.003-04:00

So totally didn't see the whole Jax calling out Kate for framing Carly coming. I say it's about time the man stood up for his wife and stopped siding with snooty-puss Kate. And about time that someone put Ms. Crimson in her place. Threatening to fire her from the magazine ... classic! Someone get Giselle on the line!

It took forever for GH to finally wrap up the tedious, annoying Robin-Patrick storyline where they just constantly bickered over whether or not Patrick would play a part in the baby's life ... Patrick would beg, Robin would be a whiny brat, Patrick would beg, Robin would be a whiny brat, and so on and so on ... well, now they've just recycled that so mind-numbing I fast-forwarded thru most of it storyline. Only now, Patrick is begging Robin to married him and ... surprise, surprise ... Robin is being a whiny brat. Sick of it. Although it was interesting to hear the Nightshift reference to Robert ... at least it explains why Anna and Robert are in the same town and not running into each other.

Tuesday, 8/26/08: Meanwhile, Where's Molly?

2008-08-26T20:41:00.005-04:00

While I'm happy to see that Ric's gettin' a little somethin' (since it seems so few of Port Chuck's residents are), where is poor Molly at? She already has to play second fiddle to Christina "I'm Sonny's Kid" Corinthos, and now Ric takes her away under the guise of some quality father-daughter time and probably sticks her with some babysitter while he's getting busy with the law association floozy. But nice to see that Ric might put on his pants long enough to help his client Johnny beat a murder rap.

Finally someone tells Nadine to STFU ... well, not in so many words, but we all got the message. This was really one of GH's more ridiculous plot lines. Not only is resident in neurology Matt Hunter the only doctor in all of GH who can perform Spinelli's spleenectomy, but Nadine is so convinced that he's a part of a counterfeit drug ring that she's afraid he'll forget to check whether or not Spinelli's bowel is obstructed during the operation. What a nonsensical mess. The writers must have spilled coffee on the original script and tried to piece it back together.

As much as I love Carly, she's almost as hypocritical as Alexis. She's so terrified of her sons getting caught in the middle of mob gunfire, but she's more than happy to put herself directly in the line of fire and in the middle of a potential Jason-Karpov war. Because as long as Morgan doesn't get shot, it's okay if he goes through the living hell of losing his mother.

Meanwhile, would it have killed GH to have cast an ATTRACTIVE Karpov?! No offense to POK (portrayer of Karpov) but wouldn't it be a far more intriguing storyline if Carly was flirting with the ultra-dangerous, HOT gangster?!

Loved the Lulu-Laura mother-daughter bonding!

Monday, 8/25/08: Laura Has a Face!

2008-08-25T19:31:00.003-04:00

Finally, after months and months of staring at the back of Laura's head ... we finally see her face today! And she spoke! So okay, yeah, this came as a surprise to just about no one (thanks to all the news announcements re. Genie Francis' return and the week of "Laura Spencer Comes Home" commercials ABC ran last week) ... but it was exciting to see her nonetheless.

Nikolas spent months hallucinating about waltzing with Emily at the ball on the night she was killed ... so I'm surprised he was able to waltz around Windamere with Nadine without any difficulty or guilt or flashbacks. Meanwhile, Nadine is a whack job. She overheard one suspicious conversation of Matt Hunter's and now not only is he involved in this incredibly boring and tedious counterfeit drug ring, but he's also incapable of performing a spleenectomy on Spinelli?! I hope Matt Hunter gets her fired ... did I mention I can't stand that girl?

Speaking of GH, what's going on over there? They only have three doctors on staff that can perform a spleenectomy ... Patrick (who is a neurosurgeon!!), the guy who was on vacation and Matt Hunter, who's a resident?! WTF. Can't the writers even try to make sense of a storyline just once? Good thing Matt accepted the Emily Quartermaine fellowship and came to GH or Spinelli would have died in his hospital bed. I'm sure Matt has to perform the surgery so Maxie can then feel indebted to him in some way for saving Spinelli's life.

Thursday, 8/21/08: Patrick Almost Gets It Right

2008-08-21T21:16:00.005-04:00

So I found myself getting pretty caught up in Patrick's cheesy but heartfelt broadcast throughout General Hospital of his love and admiration from Robin. No small feat, as these two easily annoy me. But after all that, and gathering together all their loved ones to witness the spectacle (Anna and Mac sharing screen time for the first time in ages!) ... where was the drop to one knee, the ring, the proposal in the form of a question?? Eh, call me a traditionalist, but you'd think a brain surgeon could at least produce a nice rock.

"Spinell" is usually one of my favorites, but he's been driving me crazy the past two days with his hyper, irrational ramblings about "The Slovak Seductress." For gosh sakes Spinell, let your bro get laid if he wants to.

BTW, doesn't it seem like every character pronounces Sasha's last name differently. I thought it was Sasha Don-ev, but the other day I could have swore someone called her Sasha Donut. Then today, Sonny just kinda mumbled through it like Sasha Dunnahnah. Geez people, let's all get on the same page.

Tuesday, 8/19/08: Nikolas Throws Cell Phone, Grabs Nadine's Ass

2008-08-19T20:57:00.003-04:00

Things seemed to be moving along so well lately with the pairing of Claudia and Nikolas ... right up until Nikolas decided to shove his tongue down Nadine's throat at the end of today's episode. I'm pretty sure he even grabbed her ass for a second there too. Good Lord, must we really endure more of these two ... or rather, more of Nadine? I'm so not amused GH. I read in the latest issue of ABC Soaps in Depth (http://abcsoapsindepth.com/) that Sarah Brown was only interested in staying in Port Chuck if Claudia was involved with Nikolas, so I have to hope we haven't seen the last of them.

Holy Soviet Union Jason! Sasha the Russian Lady struck out with Sonny, so she figured she'd take the more direct approach with Jason and just start undressing. I have to say, given that he's the boss of a major crime syndicate and absolutely gorgeous, you'd think Jason would be getting more women disrobing down to their red foundation garments. So what do we think ... will Stone Cold take the Russian bait?

I like that Bernie, aka Mr. Lipman, has been getting some air time lately!

Monday, 8/18/08: Loo Looo's in the Loony Bin

2008-08-18T20:26:00.003-04:00

I think GH was a little too intense for me today ... Lulu screaming in a straight jacket (a straight jacket?!), Johnny getting beaten down by the cops ... makes you long for those carefree days on Dr. Siegel's couch doesn't it? Speaking of Lunny's former digs ... does this mean we've seen the last of Sal and Lourdes? Something tells me at least dear Lourdes will find herself in Port Charles at some point ... Although Sal could provide some good muscle for Jason, what with his gang background and hatred for the Zaccharas.

Kate was so annoying today I could barely stand it ... have they turned her into a complete whining, selfish, bratty bridezilla or what?! Amazing that Sonny can't resist the lures of the mob, but he finds it very easy to resist other woman, such as Sasha the Russian lady, even with that annoying, nagging Kate in his ear every two seconds. Then again, stick Carly in the back of a limo and the man loses all resolve.

Meanwhile, what in the world is Carly up to with creepy Karpov? How far does she plan to take this whole thing? Is she going to kiss Karpov? Sleep with him? He doesn't seem like the kind of guy you can easily brush off with the "I have a headache" excuse, or "I don't do that on the first date."

Claudia slapping Scott Baldwin ... good stuff.

BTW, I watched a rerun of The Profiler over the weekend and the psycho of the week was none other than a much younger looking Anthony Zacchara. He sure does crazy well!

Thursday, 8/14/08: Alexis Is a Mess

2008-08-14T20:23:00.009-04:00

Seriously, is there a bigger mess on this show than Alexis? Dating Jerry Jax should be enough to qualify her. Now, after all her frantic outbursts about needing Sonny to stay away from Christina ... she wants him to do "whatever he has to do" to protect her? So now it's okay if he makes the most of his mob tendencies in the name of their daughter? Hypocritical much?

Maxie is far from naive ... so how come she has no clue how Spinelli feels about her, or hasn't even considered the possibility? I know far-fetched is typical for GH, but still ... it's a cute relationship (one of my favorites on the show), but it certainly wouldn't suffer from a dose of realism.

Kate finally mentioned the "Olivia" again that she uttered in the hospital months ago after she was shot. It's her cousin. I mean, the woman is getting married in this big, splashy wedding ... no one has thought to question where her family is, if they're coming, who's walking her down the aisle??

Karpov must be reading this blog (or looking in the mirror) ... he's trying to tame the comb-over with a slicked-back look.

Wednesday, 8/13/08: You Know It's a Slow Day When the Gyno Pisses Me Off

2008-08-13T20:39:00.004-04:00

So how incredibly unprofessional is Robin's gynocologist (is Kelly her name maybe?)?! Isn't there something called doctor-patient confidentiality? First she blabs to everyone at the nurses' station that Robin's having an ultrasound to determine the sex of her baby. Then she blabs again that Robin's having a girl. Maybe Robin and Patrick wanted to keep that info to themselves ... or tell people themselves. Regardless, what kind of doc does that .... as the new chief of staff (well, at least when he's on the nightshift!) Patrick should kick Loose Lips to the curb.

Random thought (cause let's face it, not much exciting happened on the show today): What's up with all the men in suits on GH? Sonny hangs around his house all day ... in a suit. Jerry Jax roams the park ... in a suit. Trevor nevers sees the inside of a court room ... yet he's always in that damn suit. I think all these guys need to loosen up a bit.

Tuesday, 8/12/08: Nightshift Tangent

2008-08-12T20:33:00.006-04:00

I was a little confused when the episode started and Robin and Patrick were talking about whether they were having a boy or a girl. For anyone who is watching Nightshift, we already found out last week that Robin is having a girl. So I guess Nightshift time is a whole week ahead of plain old GH time?? I don't know, it bothers me that these two shows don't sync up better.

Just a side note on Nightshift: I've read that it's doing well ratings-wise and fans are reacting very postively to it. Personally, I'm not completely sold. I'm not a big Robin-Patrick fan and of course so much of NS is built around them. Also, I think the acting is downright terrible in some instances, particularly the gay doc and his blonde roommate. And now that it's bringing back some old, beloved characters, like Jagger and Robert ... it just doesn't feel right that they're not on in the daytime, interacting with all of the GH cast and getting the full Port Chuck treatment. Speaking of, I think Robert Scorpio has, by far, been the best thing about NS ... anyone who knows me knows how excited I get over a FAISON reference, not to mention shout-outs to Sean Donnelly and the DVX! But does it seem right to have Robert back, but not interacting with Mac or Anna (although I heard today that Anna will be visiting NS for a few episodes next month)?

Sorry, back to GH ... Spinelli is much cuter with his hair out of his face (thanks to the sunglasses he had on top of his head for much of the episode). That piece of hair that constantly hangs in his left eye drives me a little crazy at times. BTW, did anyone else cringe when he told Stone Cold he wanted to "make sweet love" to Maximista?! Ha!

As I've said, I usually find Anthony entertaining ... but the scenes of him threatening Alexis' children really disturb me. I think GH takes it just a little too far. Leave the kids out of it.

Monday, 8/11/08: Kate's Skirt Could Cover Your Leftovers

2008-08-11T19:55:00.009-04:00

Can a new day please finally dawn on Port Charles so Kate can wear something other than that hideous tin-foil skirt? I haven't commented on Kate much lately because I figure it just goes without saying how irritating her whole bridezilla act is ... but that metallic skirt's been an eye sore for days now! Maybe when she takes it off, she can hold it under her chin and catch a nice sun tan.

BTW, Kate said the wedding is Sept. 26th and that it's less than a month away ... huh?? I guess that's in GH time, where you can wear the same skirt for a week and it's not considered a fashion faux pas.

Spinelli and Maxie are just too cute ... so happy they're showing a lot of these two again. And love how Maxie is becoming the Carly to Spinelli's Stone Cold ... although does this mean that "Spaxie" are destined for only friendship too?

So the fall out from the Nadine-Nikolas lip lock was pretty much what I expected ... but they're definitely leaving the door open wide enough for something to potentially happen between these two in the (near?) future. I might have to stop watching if that happens. Not that I think Claudia is the only option for Nikolas, but Nadine is not an option, period. I'm not even sure why she's on the show. She makes Lulu seem enjoyable to watch. OK, I'll try to stop bitching about Nadine now.

Speaking of Lulu, I doubt she'd be too pleased if she knew Pugsly was on the phone telling Wednesday all about her hallucinations behind her back.

Friday, 8/8/08: Nadine Is the Kiss of Death

2008-08-10T16:34:00.007-04:00

Seriously GH? Things seemed to be going so well on Friday. What happened? Nadine was entertaining the idea of shipping herself off halfway across the world with Nurses Without Borders (yes! finally!). And Nikolas and Claudia were finally sharing screen time together after weeks apart. And then the writers had to go ruin the whole thing by having Nadine kiss Nikolas. Bleck. Together, those two are about exciting as Karpov's toupee.

From the couple spoilers I've read, it doesn't sound as if this kiss is the beginning of a beautiful romance for Nadine and Nikolas ... at least not yet anyways. I don't know if the writers are slowly progressing toward what they think is going to be the next incarnation of Nikolas and Emily. If so, it's a huge mistake. Nadine is a grating, one-note character who is undeserving of all the screen time she's been getting lately. On the other hand, Nikolas and Claudia have amazing chemistry ... one of the few pairings on the show I'm genuinely excited to watch. Hopefully, GH will wise up and explore their connection further.

I don't much, if anything, about guns ... but isn't there anything these hit men can do about the "flash of light" that tips off every potential target that they're going to have to dodge a bullet?

Thursday, 8/7/08: Karpov's Powers of Seduction

2008-08-07T20:28:00.008-04:00

Aren't soap operas suppose to be about love and sex and FANTASY?! So when a powerful businessman is trying to seduce Carly with the promise of a warehouse full of diamonds and furs and sports cars, how do I get swept up in this fantasy when the man is as dog ugly and paunchy as Karpov?! (And no offense to the actor who plays Karpov, as I'm sure he's quite a lovely man in real life.) I mean, of course I don't expect the aging Russian mobster to look like Brad Pitt, but please people, give me something to work with here ... maybe like a Vincent D'Onofrio type from Law & Order: Criminal Intent. But seriously folks, not only is he hard on the eyes, but he's spouting off lines like "I lived in, what you say in America, zee projects" and "I like you more and more as time passes, even though I've only known you for 15 minutes" and "I WANT YOUR GRATITUDE AS A WOMAN"?! At least GH is consistent in making almost every male character on the show misogynistic. Pretty slick of Ms. Carly to nab his PDA though ... that is what you call in America zee pick-pock-et.

Speaking of turn-offs ... soooo don't want to hear about Kate's physical aching in Paris. BTW, Sonny is setting her up for one heck of a fall, isn't he?

What in the world was Jerry Jax babbling about? Snoozefest.

How awesome is Dead Logan? Is that a knife in your stomach or are you just happy to see me? I really felt his pain while he was banging on those piano keys.

Wednesday, 8/7/08: In Cognito Johnny Brings Sexy Back

2008-08-06T19:44:00.005-04:00

Wow, I don't even know where to start today ... who lit a fire under Port Chuck?! It was an action-packed Wednesday! First, we see Johnny looking all Justin Timberlake in his sunglasses and army hat disguise. I swore Jessical Biel and a few trailing paparrazzi were going to walk through the door behind him. Then the cops showed up, Underage Lourdes hugged up on Johnny a few times as Lulu glared on, Lunny had sex on the couch, Dead Logan played the piano ... you know, just another day at Professor Seigel's apartment. Speaking of Lunny, didn't Prof. Seigel have a bed, or do these two just really enjoy doing it on that tiny couch?! Guess GH couldn't afford the extra props.

He's such a creepy, kooky little old man, but how could you not love Anthony Zacchara? Wheeling around Port Charles like an exceptionally tanned little daredevil with his Loo Looos and his sharp sense of humor. Just the thought of him and Tracy on a date cracked me up!

Speaking of dates ... if Johnny brought sexy back at the beginning of the episode, Karpov snatched it right away again at the end. Is there anything less appealing than him slurring to Carly in his fake Russian accent that she should get in a car with him and go for a drive? Eeewww. At least he seems to be working on the comb-over ... it's not quite as severe as when he first showed up in PC. So are we really suppose to be worried that he might end up throwing Carly off a balcony?

Ric and Claudia ... so not interested. GH finally hit on a couple with some chemistry ... Nikolas and Claudia ... but of course they drop that like a hot potato so they can put us all to sleep with Claudia and Ric and Nikolas and Nadine. Wake me up when it's over.

BTW, aren't you really jealous of Jason that he has his own personal Jackal to scour the internet? I really really want one of those.

Tuesday, 8/5/08: The Bitch Is Back

2008-08-05T20:22:00.001-04:00

We got a little taste of her yesterday, but it was great to see Bitchy Carly return in full force today. For the last couple weeks, I couldn't believe that she would actually let Kate get away with threatening her marriage to Jax, and sure enough, Carly very much has plans for revenge. However, I was shocked that she would actually suggest to Jason that he eliminate Sonny ... maybe she knows by now, much like the viewers, that the many threats against the lives of Sonny, Jason, etc., never really do pan out.

If Kate was clever, she should have snuck a photo of Carly in that tie-dye dress and run it in Crimson under "fashion don't" with one of those black bars over Carly's eyes.

Something must be in the water because I actually enjoyed watching Lulu's scenes today with Laura (aka, the back of that blonde woman's head who's obviously not Genie Francis). What's next? Hoping they show more of Robin's video blog?! Seriously though, it made me even more anxious for Laura's return ... which I don't think is for a couple more weeks.

Boy, Lourdes didn't waste any time taking advantage of Lulu's absence, suggesting that she and Johnny run away together. I knew Lourdes looked younger, but I'm wondering just how young she is. I was assuming around 19, but Johnny mentioned her being a minor today. So that must mean she's more like 16 or 17?!

Nadine ... ugh. Maybe now that Lulu isn't getting on my nerves quite as much, I can use the energy to compalin about Nadine every day. Really, does anyone like this character?!

Monday, 8/4/08: Carly Puts Kate on Notice

2008-08-04T20:40:00.001-04:00

I'm not quite sure what was up with her tie-dye dress, but I did like how Carly finally called out Kate today for setting her up and screwing with her marriage to Jax. I love when these two cat fight ... as long as Carly wins of course!

Okay, Scary Dead Logan actually freaked me out! I had heard that the actor who played Logan would be back to film some "from the grave" scenes, but I thought he'd at least have some lines! Well, I guess you really can't top "you'll never get over me" as parting words for the woman who plunged a knife in your stomach. Speaking of, did Lulu actually take Johnny's money and run?! Where did she go? And will Johnny go after her?! Oh, of course he will. They can't keep Lunny apart for long!

So couldn't Nadine have made a run for the window when Matt went into the bathroom to change into his towel? And what happened to his four-hour surgery? Oh, who am I kidding, I really don't care.

Friday, 8/1/08: Lulu Makes Sense, Hell May Freeze Over as a Result

2008-08-03T20:22:00.001-04:00

It was a rare moment on GH on Friday ... Lulu actually made sense! No really, I swear. It was a fleeting moment, but she didn't sound like her usual blathering, nonsensical self. She warned Johnny that Lourdes will turn on him once she realizes that her feelings for him are unrequited ... and Lulu's absolutely right. Lourdes is playing too hard for Johnny's affections not to eventually feel burned, especially with Johnny doing a good job of leading her on right now. (I can't quite figure out if Johnny truly is interested in Lourdes to a degree, made even subconsciously, or if he's just being extra nice to her because of what his family did to her father or because she knew his beloved Prof. Seigel ... ) I'm interested to see how it all plays out. And of course I'm enjoying Lourdes pissing Lulu off in the process!

I know I've already complained a lot about this whole counterfeit drug plot, but it's only getting worse now that the storyline is moving more to the forefront. I found myself struggling to sit through much of Friday's episode ... I was completely bored. And with so many strong, interesting characters on this show, why in the world is Nadine getting so much screen time?! I find absolutely nothing interesting, exciting or endearing about this girl. Her personality is grating (no, the Aunt Raylene-isms are neither cute nor charming), and she brings nothing to the scenes she's in. If the GH writers actually pursue this coupling with Nikolas, it'll be a complete waste of his character -- and the viewers' time.

I'm not sure if Spinelli was just being dramatic or trying to emulate his mentor Stone Cold when he told Maxie that he would need to distance himself from her for her own good ... but I think it's a shame that GH has significantly decreased Maxie and Spinelli's screen time together in recent weeks. These two were a very cute, entertaining couple, and it seems like viewers really took to them. So why won't GH make these two a bonafide couple? I'm sure part of the reason for distancing the two characters is to further set up Matt Hunter as a love interest for Maxie (eye roll). So I guess we'll watch those two fight over things like garage openers and baloney until they eventually realize they're attracted to each other and end up sleeping together. Can't wait.

Sunday, 8/3/08: Another GH Star on TMZ.com

2008-08-03T20:17:00.001-04:00

It was less than a month ago that Bobbi was the subject of a TMZ.com post. Now another long-time GH star has made it onto the popular celebrity blog -- Genie Francis:

http://www.tmz.com/2008/08/01/genie-francis-relives-past-forgets-present/

(My only complaint: I tried to post a comment TWICE and it never showed up!)

I'm excited for Laura to return to GH at the end of the month!

Thursday, 7/31/08: Don't Let the Door Hit Ya Eli

2008-07-31T19:04:00.001-04:00

It looks like Eli Love got wheeled off into the sunset today. It's about time ... enough with this guy and his horrendous accent already. I just didn't see the point in that entire storyline ... unless GH really thought the audience needed to be reminded about one or a thousand times that Anna Devane can do a high kick. Yeah, we get it. Granny can kick butt. Yawn.

BTW, doesn't anyone think it was wrong for Bratzilla Robin to arrange for Max and Milo to get the living crap beat out of them just to inflate her poor super hot, super spy mother's ego?!

So boring ol' Matt Hunter was sniffing around Anna, Noah, et al. again today. Let me guess, Matt is Noah's son and therefore, Patrick's half brother (who, it just so happens, he can't stand)? Looks like a highly original character might be about to meet a highly original storyline. I'd comment about him and Nadine today, but I'm so bored with those two, I might just fall asleep on my keyboard.

I had initially hoped for a Johnny and Lulu-free day, but I have to say, Lourdes has shaken up this storyline in a good way. I just love how she pisses off Lulu and blatantly chases after Johnny. I still think her keeping Johnny's secret is a bit of stretch (because she thinks he's a "nice guy"??) but I'll roll with it for now since it's so entertaining to watch her rattle Lulu's cage.

I didn't think too much about Monica getting out of rehab until she returned to the Quartermaine mansion ... listening to her and Tracy fight back and forth truly never gets old! Speaking of the Quartermaines, Alan hasn't shown up in his black track suit in quite some time.